My Crazy Love Affair (gxg)

Chapter 8

I am so consumed with the predicament I am faced off at the moment, the least situation I ever imagined myself into. This is one of the times I look forward before, a time that I find as an excuse to bond with my father to ask for boost. It's the main reason that I convinced myself and why I learned to love my course in college, I pictured this to be one of those remotely circumstances he'll come around to give me a push when school starts to fade into gray.

I love the man. He is one of the reason I took up management, to make him proud but in a snap, I felt all my effort was belittled and vanished into crisp thin air.

Yes, I was daddy's girl.

I miss those times where he comes knocking on my room with bunch of sweet treats and we'll talk for hours before I go to sleep. We talk over petty things and laugh at randomness. I was envied before with the kind of closeness and bond my father and I carried which was exceptional.

There is this warm feeling when I look into his brown identical eyes like mine, a blanket of solace, an assurance that I am safe, a rush of waves that afloats my boat into the sea of fulfillment, a white thick cloud that flies me into serenity, a wide shade of umbrella that keeps me safe from any harm, he drew a rudimentary definition of happiness that I have come accustomed to.

He was the most kind hearted and loving person I have ever known next to my mother; need not to say but he'll soon figure out whenever I am having bad day and he knows exactly what to do to cheer me up. And I have come to knew I was sheltered blithely and grew within the protective realms my parents has built around us.

All the years of gradual growth was abruptly sinking into self depreciating agony and all I can see ahead was deluge of pain and hatred. It's like one day you are staring on a serene ocean and decided to take a plunge only to be engulfed by the drowning huge waves that suffocates all the increments until you totally get drained. All your efforts to put up with the tide are useless, no matter how you plead, it keeps on hitting you leaving you lifeless. Destroying the human in you; that what happened to me.

All the solid ground I have established my putting to was flushed down the drain all at once and a thick wall resurfaced my whole world shunning every ray of happiness, dooming me into a dark lonesome aeon; where it left me clueless how to get out of it.

Yes, I want to hear why he scurried away but... I am not ready yet. The pain is still unbearable to add more on top of it. But my apprehension depreciated and all I can feel is remorse and resentment and I want enlightenment, so giving me those explanation and excuses will be like feeding me concentrated juice of fester. It's like rubbing a salt on a freshly cut wound time and time.

The owner of the eyes I seek comfort at was now the same person who inflicted immeasureble folds of sorrow that gradually thickens every single day that passes by.

Is something wrong with me that the person I trusts the most are the ones who pulls the trigger right into my head?

With my head clouded massively, I shut my book closed and changed into my outdoor clothes. I slipped into my acid washed ripped jeans and a gray crop top, stumbled into my Doc Martens while I let my hair sprawled over my shoulders. I grabbed my keys and phone caring less what happens as the night grows young.

"Where are you going, woman?" Amethyst jested while I was about to clamber in my patrol. She just arrived from school and just got out of her car.

"Out?" I shrugged.

Her eyes narrowing suspiciously as she ledge her hands on her waist. "Girl, it is school day in case you forgot." She reprimanded me but I am fully aware of that, I just chose to ignore it.