For Crying Out Loud

Epilouge

Ten Years Later
Sierra's P.O.V.

     My fingers slide along the words that remain on the barn wall. They are well past faded now, but they are still there.

Jake Leonardo; The boy I still fucking love.

    It was something that I honestly believed would happen again. I imagined us running by each other at a coffee shop or something and finally being who we always planned to be. I never really gave up. For ten years, I kept hope. Even when I married a guy from college and adopted a son who we called Drake. I never really gave up. When the divorce happened, I had looked him up. Saw him at two or so art galleries but never had the balls to talk to him. I wish I would have now. Maybe if I had, it wouldn't be like this.

     My fingers scrape against chipped yellow paint, and then I start to cry. I curl into myself, gripping my stomach and allowing all the pain to flow through my eyes. I shouldn't of let him go. I should have stayed right here ten years ago. I shouldn't of left, or maybe I could have brought him with me. It didn't have to be this way. It didn't.

      The tears come harder as I fall to the ground, not giving a damn about the black dress that swings around me. I ram my fists into the rotten wood a few times before just falling over and staring into the sky.

Hey, why are you crying?

     His voice echoes through my head, making me want to scream. Everyone was at the funeral. All my old friends, some I barely recognized. Krissy was pregnant, and Walter was working with construction in Florida. Jude wound up married to Jade, shockingly enough. The twins had changed completely. Hope was a hippie full of bright colors and positive thoughts while Heaven barely seemed to give a damn anymore. Siana and Traya didn't stay long, and Kayden refused to talk to anyone. Bethany and little Sierra clung to Johnny.  And I held my breath and waited to wake up.

     I just stood still. No one to hold me. No one to console me. My friends were strangers now. The man I had spent the last ten years waiting for killed himself. He fucking killed himself. They found him in his car right here in front of this barn. He had overdosed. He had left on purpose. It wasn't supposed to be like this. We were supposed to find each other! The tears started again and I dug my fingers into the dirt.

     This had to be a bad dream. This couldn't be real. It wasn't possible. He was the strong one! He was.. He was Jake. The boy I fucking loved. The boy who beat the shit out my dad and danced with me in the rain. He was insane and loving and fucked up but perfect to me. Now he's just.. Gone. Really gone. gone forever.

     I close my eyes and just let myself feel. I imagine his arms around me, his lips brushing against my neck. I imagine the smoke filling my nostrils. I imagine he's there, whispering into my ear. "You will be okay. Just let me go." I can feel my heart shatter at the thought, but I know it is what he would want. "Don't let your mind clutter." I sigh and stand up, doing what I came here to do.

     I reach into my purse, pulling out the ten year old letter. I read over quickly one last time before placing the blue post it to the front and setting at the foot of the barn. I wipe my eyes again and make a strangled laughed.

     "For Crying Out Loud Jake, it's been ten years and I still haven't forgot about you. I don't think I ever will. I don't know why you left. I don't know why it happened this way, but it did and there is nothing I can do about it. So, if you can hear me, I want to tell you that I love you, and that I let you go." I wipe my eyes again and begin to walk back to my car, but stop abruptly as the first raindrop hits my skin, followed by another and another. It's raining. The sky. It's not crying. It's reminding me. I smile. I don't believe in the after life, but if there is one, Jake Leonardo is free, and as I spin around in the rain, so am I.

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That's the end. My first finished book. Please don't hate me. Vote? Comment? Don't be mean.