For Crying Out Loud

36: Dont Look Back

Sierra's P.O.V

That morning was a mess, completely so. My mom was crying and my coffee maker wouldn't work right. I was going to die if I didn't get coffee soon. I was going to die if my mom didn't quit soaking my T-shirt.

"My baby, you grew up fast. I'm not ready for you to leave." She whined. It was sweet at four this morning. She made me breakfast and hugged me, cried a little. I was a sweet mother daughter kind of moment, but two and a half hours later, she is still crying and I don't have any fucking coffee.

"Mom, I've had this planned since I was like seven. You had plenty of time to get used to the idea. It's not like I just woke up this morning and decided to move to Boston." I said irritably as I fiddled with the machine a thousand more times. Finally, the coffee started.

My mom threw her arms around me again, still blubbering. I rubbed her back and sighed. She needed to chill, I mean, I love her to death and I understand the pain of your baby leaving, but seriously. This was over-dramatic. "A-are you sure you don't want m-me to take you to the a-airport?" There was a plea in her voice, but I ignored it. I couldn't deal with this much longer.

"No mom, I already promised Jake he could take me." I said as I poured my coffee. Three spoons of sugar and a spill of creamer. I took a sip and almost moaned as the hear rushed through me. Coffee is my life line, I swear.

Finally, Jake knocked on the door before inviting himself in. My mom cried harder and I took a deep breath. Jake looked like he wanted to cry too. To many damn tears people. Life will go on without me here. I pointed to my luggage, and Jake started loading everything up. I stay in front of my mom and took her hand.

"Mom, we all knew this would come. I'm not dying, I'm just moving. I'll call all the time and keep you updated, it's not the end of the world, I promise." She sniffles a little before nodding. I take her into a hug and kiss her head. "I love you mom, and we will be okay."

"I love you too sweetheart." She croaked. I took a deep breath as I looked around the house one more time. This was my home for many years, but now I must find a new one. It was time to let go.

The drive there was a comfortable silence. The music whispered through the speakers and Jake's right hand never left mine. Most of my friends had already left earlier this week, so I wasn't expecting anybody, but as I walked into the vast open space of the airport, I was greeted by Jude, Bethany, Harley, and Hayden. They all offered me kind smiles as I walked up them.

Bethany came first, her hand reaching for mine. I smiled at her and she smiled back before she held her hand out in front of me to expose a positive pregnancy test. I squealed and hugged her, and she wrapped me in her tight grip before I felt her start crying. "I'll never forget that circus back in sixth grade, or our constant playful battles over boys. I'll never forget the way I hated you the first day we met, and then you became my best friend. I'll never forget any of our memories, and I'll read every word you publish, okay? And don't be a stranger. I want Sierra to know the aunt she got her name from."

I sniffled and wiped at my eyes. "What if it's a boy?" I choke out a laugh at her reply.

"We all know Johnny cannot produce enough seamen to produce a male child." I chuckle and hug her one more time before moving on to Harley.

My step sister gripped my hand and actually gave me a genuine smile. She gave me a tight squeeze before fanning at her make up. "Thank you for always being on my side. No matter how screwed up I got, you were always there and you always had faith in me. I have faith in you now. Your going to go out there and change the world with your words. I just know it. Just don't get any STDs and everything will be fine." I laugh and held back more tears. Her next words almost made me explode. "I love you, sis. I don't say it enough, but I do. There were times when you were my only friend and for that I can never repay you, but I love you. I always will." She wiped my eyes for me and stepped out of the way as I whispered.

"I love you too, sis."

Next came the blubbering Jude, whom actually cared enough to be sober. He took me into a tight bear hug and squeezed the ever loving shit out of me. "You were my best friend, and the only person I could actually be myself with. I didn't have to pretend with you because you loved me for me. You always listened when I needed you and you were always there when no one else was. I took you for granted, and I hate that. I really do, and I really don't want you to go because I don't know how I live without you always watching out for me. I'll let you go though, because this is your dream. You've always done what was best for us, so now we'll do what's best for you. I love you. So much. So very very much. And just, thank you for being you and actually giving a shit." He finally let go and I, once again had to wipe my eyes. Here comes the scary part. Hayden, then Jake. This is going to hurt.

I move to stand before her, and for a few moments we just look at each other. Her beautiful green eyes staring into mind and I could feel the tears building up. Memories. All the memories are escaping.

"It started on Facebook. Now here we are." I say. She smiles, the tears visibly building in her eyes.

"We've made a lot of mistakes, but I wouldn't rather anyone be my first love." I feel my lip quiver as I nod in agreement just before we collapse into each other in a puddle of tears. I cling to her for what feels like eons. She is a huge part in my life, and leaving it behind, leaving her behind, hurts a lot more than I thought it would. After a moment, I pull back and look at her, touching her cheek. I look over at Jake for a moment, asking permission even though we aren't together. He nods, and I look back into her eyes.

"Hayden, I'm going to kiss you now." I say slowly, she nods her head and I lean in. Her lips have always been so soft, so safe, so warm. I slide my fingers into her hair as I allow the kiss to last a little longer, then I pull away and look back into her eyes. "I can feel you all around me." I whisper. She smiles, a tear sliding down her cheek.

"Thickening the air I'm breathing." I sob, and hug her tight one more time, before whispering.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Always and forever?"

"Otay..."

I pull away and face Jake, having just enough time to look at him before he pulls me close and buries his head in my shoulder. "I don't want a goodbye or anything like. No remembering shit or whatever. I just want you to know I love you, and I want you to take this envelope." He hands me the white paper and I nod.

"I love you too." I kissed his cheek before walking toward security, refusing to look back because the second I do, I will change my mind.

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So yeah, I cried. Especially during the Hayden goodbye. But only she would understand. VOTE! COMMENT! TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! LOVE YOU MY DARKLINGS!!!