For Crying Out Loud

29: These Are The Truths

Sierra's P.O.V.

"What happened to us?" Jake's voice whispers from the opposite side of my bed. We've been laying here watching movies for the past five hours, and as the ending credits to a certain eighties film rolls across the screen, I look over at him. His brown mop is tousled in ruthless directions and his honey brown eyes await for a reply as his thick dark brows crease. I sigh, sitting up and pulling my hair into a messy bun before speaking.

"We broke. The weight of the world not only crushed us, but it seemingly separated our shattered pieces from each other. " I throw my legs from my bed and look over at the mirror. He and I used to do things like this all the time. He'd come over and we'd watch films and eat popcorn drenched in chocolate syrup until we felt sick. The scene around us is the same, but the emotional tension that so awkwardly fills the air between us is suffocating. So close to what we were, yet so far from who we used to be.

"I understand that I made a mistake, and for that I'm forever sorry, but Sia, come on. If anyone can get through this, it's us." I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath, waiting for the song we were dancing to hours ago to fade out. When it does, I turn off the T.V., and look at my post it's.

"Did I ever tell you the real reason I wanted to go to Boston?" I whispered just enough so he could hear me. He sighs in defeat before sitting Indian style on my bed.

"Because the education over there is apparently phenomenal." He sighs before he continues. "And because it's an inspiring place to write. Writing is all you've ever wanted to do. I'm well aware of that, and it's one of the many things that make you, well, you, but I don't quite see how this is relevant to our previous conversational topic." I can't help but roll my eyes at his words as I slide my fingers down the words the inhabit my closet door. Just simple words: Boston, Inspire, Somebody, Someday, Somewhere, Write, Love, Feel, Become. They are all just words, but they've all grown to mean so much to me. Roots, Home, Run, Rip, Explore, Opposite, Determination. I smile before finally speaking.

"There is so much more to it than that, though. I've lived in this damned sleepy town for eighteen years, Jake. This is where I taught myself to Dream, this is where I learned to love and hate. This is where I learned to be me, but it can't be all I am. There is a whole other world to explore in Boston. A place with livid streets at all hours and building that seem to sweep against the sky. My roots are here, but my dreams are there. I honestly don't believe that I will be able to be who I really am until I leave. Until I leave everything behind." I look over at him, finally meeting his sorrowful gaze with my own. "We cannot go back to who we were because we are no longer those people. We aren't freaked out thirteen year olds walking into a terrifying new territory only to find our safe haven for the next six years. That part of our story is over. We are forever changed, and we are no longer each other's safe haven. If anything, we've grown to be the exact opposite. The story of who we were... It's just a sad song now. It's simply a plot twist in what everyone assumed to be a happy ending."

He almost bounces from the bed as he stands a little to quickly and moving a little to closely, his wide frame mere inches from my more curvy one. His hot, anxious, pleading breaths wisp across my face. "Why can't we untwist it? Why can't we Defy everything? If we are writing this damned 'story' as you call it, then why can't we fix it? Why can't we make a happy ending? Why does this have to be over? I could go to Boston with you. I'm sure they have a decent community college I can attend. We can make the family we always subconsciously dreamed of. It doesn't have to be over. You don't have to say it is." His words begin to shake, and I can feel my heart shattering slowing. This conversation has been a long time coming. Finally, we recognize the future. Sadly, we don't see the same thing.

"Jake, we aren't writing this story. We never have been. We are one of the many stories to the book of life. We don't control any of this, fait does. The world does. I never wanted us to end. I never thought we would, and if you proposed coming with me a couple months ago, I would have been ecstatic." I place my hand over my stomach and take a deep breath. "Who knows, a couple months ago we might have been already awaiting our little family. But fait wasn't ready for that. You and I have places to go and marks to make on the world in our own way. In different ways. As Jake, and as Sierra, but not together. We've made our mark in each other, now we move are separate ways and see where the world steers us."

We both have tears staining our cheeks now, but our eyes have yet to retreat the other's gaze. He reaches for my hand, and because my heart is pounding, I allow him to take it. "What if the world steers us back to each other? What then?"

I slowly swallow the sobs begging to escape as I run my fingers through his mess of brown hair. "If that happen, then we fight until all our fight is gone. But as of now, our strength. Our fight. It's all dormant."

"My feelings aren't dormant. They are still just as alive as the first time I saw you." I wipe away a stray tear with my thumps as I squeeze his hand.

"Neither are mine. I've been slowly drowning myself since that day at Charlie's and it's been complete hell without you. I'm not happy without you. I'm not happy that I lost the baby. All of those vacancies have been tearing to shreds. So, I'm sorry I lied to you. But these are the truths: as of now, you and I are so much better off without each other. We've been depending on one another for way to long and now we must walk.. Alone. It doesn't mean goodbye. Not in the slightest. It just means goodbye to who we were. We have one week Jake. Then we graduate. You're going to the art school down here and I'm going to Boston. These are all undeniable facts. And even though, I love you to death. It's time to be honest." I let go of his hand in a slow movement and swallow back more tears. "We have to become Somebody without each other."

As he kisses me softly, lingering so we can both actually savor it, I ignore the passing thoughts of Prom and Precious and Graduation. It was finally time for me to let him go. I would remain his friend, and one day our paths might cross again for something much stronger than just a friendship, but this moment, as he drove away into the darkness, was about honesty. No more lies.

These Are The Truths

We Will Be Just Fine.

_______~|~
Well, that was a bit depressing. Then again, most things I write these days are. VOTE, COMMENT, LOVE YOU MY DARKLINGS. I haven't slept in a two days so I'm going to go take a sleep aid and cock out. (Not meant to be perverted) byeeee