For Crying Out Loud

22: Judey Roody Tooty is not Gay

Sierra P.O.V.

I sit out by the pond behind my house listening to the birds' song as I smoke one if my mom's regulars. I hate them, but I'm to lazy to go buy menthols, so this will have to do. I take the last drag and stomp it out in the thick grass before laying out on the concrete table.

This place holds so many memories. Some good, some really good, some bad, and some really bad. Like the fact that me and Jake's first time happened right here on this table. Or the time we had our first big fight on the wooden walkway that sits slightly above the water. A lot of memories, and most are with him.

I push my damp red curls onto my shoulder before I switch my position from laying on my back to laying on my side. I'm probably getting my just-washed hair dirty again by laying here, but oh well. It's peaceful here. Here, I can actually think.

I pull out my phone and swipe through his last couple messages again. I read them over and attempt to memorize them. You have always been Somebody. I smile a little at the thought. At the memory. I've been obsessed with 'being somebody' since I was thirteen, and the fact he believes I always have been is almost warming.

I know what he did. I didn't expect him to do anything difference. I didn't particularly want him to, but Jake is Jake and I'm me. I could have easily not told him, continued to be 'happy without him', but because I'm me, I have this contract to myself to keep my promises. Even though I broke one of them not but a few weeks ago, I had to keep this one. This one was to big not to keep. The other one went void went he broke it first. This cannot go void. This must stay intact. But since Jake obviously beat the living shit out of my dad, maybe this promises can go away too. I honestly doubt my dad will do it again.

The mosquitoes are starting to come out and the moon is becoming visible beneath the sun set. Dark is coming and I should walk home, but I still lay here, trying to piece together the puzzle that is my life.

Yesterday my dad came and beat the crap out me. Why? Because to him I am nobody. This morning the boy I love beat the crap out my dad. Why? Because to him I am somebody.

Wait. No. He is not the boy I love. Shit, shit, shit. No, heart, stop it. You do not love him anymore. You are not indebted to him. You are no longer obligated to care about him, so stop it. Heart, stop. The anger comes back almost immediately. Not at him, but at me. At my heart. At my head. At my muscles and aching bruised skin. It's all there. I'm angry because I miss him. I'm angry because I want him here. I'm angry because I still don't hate him. I'm angry because I still love him, no matter my denile. I do the one thing I can think to do. I make a phone call.

"Hello?" His voice comes in a thick rasp.

"Hey, it's me. Do you wanna come over and hang out? Maybe watch a chick flick." Behind his macho structure, he really is a softy. There is no way he can deny it.

"Ugh, must you call it that? Why not make it sound more manly instead of teasing me for my love of romance." I giggle, he chuckles. "I'll be there in a few."

I take a couple movies out and lay them on the floor. I tell mom he is coming and she just smiles and nods. She gets nervous about every boy coming over but him. It's hilarious, but understandable. I think my mom thinks he's gay.

When Jude pulls up in his black Chevy his music is audible from inside the house. I open the door and flip him off. He laughs before parking and walking in. Mom greets him with a hug and an offer for a drink. He turns her down and she walks into her room, actually shutting the door.

Jude bends his thick, tall body down to the floor and looks over the movies I have appointed. He picks up The Notebook and pops it in the player. "Ryan Gosling is the only man more attractive than I am." He says. I can't help but curl into myself laughing.

"What about Andy Black?"

"Okay, him too. But he's a different kind of sexy. The man might as well be God."

"And you wonder why my mom thinks you're gay."

"I am not gay. I'm brutally honest. Trust me. I. Am. Not. Gay."

I start struggling to breathe due to my uncontrollable laughter. "Oh trust me, I know. You get more girls than the entire student body."

Now he's laughing because that is all but true. Jude is a second-time-virgin. It's not because he isn't attractive, because he is. He reminds me of a teddy bear. A intimidating teddy bear, but still a teddy bear. His brown-gold hair and blue eyes are soft and beautiful. He's strong and muscular, not particularly thin, but an acceptable attractive size. He isn't my type, but any girl would be lucky to have him. And no, he is not attracted to guys. That I am sure of.

He presses play and sits next to me on the couch as the opening credits roll across the screen. I lay down and throw my legs over him naturally. Jude is my all around best friend. We go weeks without talking, but there is absolutely no one who can make me feel better about all of this except him. He might as well be my other brother (which might be why Michel doesn't like him all to much) and even though Jude has had feeling for me before, he respects his boundaries. There is no one I'd rather watch a chick flick and eat ice cream with. Speaking of which. I need ice cream.

I stand up and get my lime sherbet from the kitchen freezer, grabbing two spoons as well. I take my place next to him again just as Allie is pantsing Noah on the Farris wheel.

"Ah, that is just so romantic." Say Jude. We both laugh, and for a while I forget about Jake.

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Judey (you know who you really are), please don't be to Mad about the way you are bestowed. Hahahaha, you know I love you! VOTE! COMMENT! TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! LOVE YOU MY DARKLINGS!