For Crying Out Loud

7: Shattered

Jakes P.O.V

     I don't go home. Instead I reminisce on everything as I walk the semi-vacant streets. The streetlights guide me to Kayden's. I don't particularly know why I'm here. To be brutal, I hate the guy for what he did to Sierra. Cheating on her left and right without a care in the world. It's disgusting, but right now I feel below him. I've caused her much greater than pain than he ever could, so I might as well talk to him over a cigarette.

     I knock on the door, and when he answers he has this unreadable look on his face. I've never seen him look like that. I've seen him angry, sad, happy, and even shocked, which is rare, for he can predict anything. This look surpasses all of that. His jaw is clenched. His eyes are red, and his cheeks are flushed. He's been crying.

     I look him over, resting my eyes on his swollen hand and busted knuckles, but just as I'm about to ask what happened, his fist connects with jaw. I grimace, and feel blood sprout from my tongue as my teeth ram down on it. I look at him questionably, but I don't even have to ask. The college sophomore speaks through bared teeth.

     "You could have killed her. You realize that? Have you come to terms with the fact she almost died because of you ignorance? I've always felt like a prick for what I did to her, but you surpassed that. You're a coward Jake. You can't even fight for a girl who has done nothing but try to please you." I sigh. I already feel like shit, why does he have to remind me? "I was pissed when I heard you left her for Amy. I was infuriated when she showed up at my door step in tears some weeks ago. But now, I've passed all that. I'm simply disgusted."

     "Coming from a man who couldn't keep his hands out of other girls' pants." I spit. He growls at me and goes to shut the door. I stop him with my foot. "Look, can we just talk? I need somebody who can understand at least a little." He rolls his eyes, but after hesitating, he pulls the door open so I can enter. I do, and he shuts the door behind me.

     "It's not like what I did to that girl hasn't haunted me, but I never left her. Even after we broke up we were still there for each other. You decide to leave her while she is in a hospital bed. That's pitiful." He walks to the kitchen as I take a seat on his couch, laying back and closing my eyes for a moment, taking his words in.

     He returns with two bottles of Beer and a cigarette between his teeth. He tosses me one of the bottles and his pack of menthols. I take one of the smokes out and light it, inhaling slowly.

     "You know, it didn't really matter that I cheated on her so much. The entire relationship she was devoted to you. Every time you needed her she came running. She didn't do that for me. I didn't get half the stuff you got from her Jake. You got her heart, mind, and innocence while all I ever got was time and memories. You took her for granted. She gave you parts of her that she dreaded giving or even showing a glimpse of to anyone else, and you just threw it all away for a girl who does nothing but boss you around. I can't help but wonder if you actually ever loved Sierra." Kayden says that last sentence with disgust beyond reach, and it makes my skin crawl. I lunge upward and corner him into his love seat.

     "Of course I loved her. I gave her things too. But I had to realize that she had a future without me, and I didn't want to stay to see her leave. I regret hurting her, I do. But at least Amy doesn't plan to leave."

     "I honestly doubt she plans to stay either. You and I both know Amy is but an arrogant puppy who thinks she can get the best of everyone. She will get tired of you, and when she does;  you will have already lost the only person who would have stayed."

      "You don't know Amy." I say. Tears well in my eyes as I sit. My heart burns as I take a swig of beer followed by another minty puff of smoke. "She wants to be with me. Sia had already planned to leave."

      "Do you really believe that? Do you really believe she was going to go anywhere without you. She talked about you all the fucking time man. She talked about how she could see a future with you. As for Amy, she has obviously proven time and time again how important your happiness is to her." He takes a slow sip of his beverage before standing up and walking to the door. "I'm sorry cousin, but I think it's time for you to go. I can't stand the sight of right now."

     I stand as I finish the cigarette and grasp the beer in my hand. I walk up to him face to face. "I needed to do what's best for me." I whisper.

     "That's all she ever wanted for you. That's all she ever fought for. What about what's best for her? How many times have you fought for anyone but your self?" And then he shuts the door.

     I continue walking the streets. The spaced lights beaming off my skin. I consider going to the hospital. Maybe I can figure this out. Then Amy calls me and that idea bleeds out when I answer.

"What's your decision?" She asks.

"My decision is what's best for everyone."

"What is it?"

"To leave her."

"Good. See you tomorrow then?"

     "Of course." I hang up. Anger wells up in my stomach. Anger at Kayden, Amy, and ever Sierra, but mainly it's all pointed at me. I know now, Sia deserves so much better, and I'm angry for not being good enough no matter what falsehood she may believe.

     I hear my beer bottle shatter against ground as I fall to my knees in tears. That bottle is not the only thing to shatter tonight, for as of this moment, so am I.

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