1950 // j.b [DISCONTINUED]

11

School & heavy thoughts

Once I heard that alarm go off and woke me up from my sleep this morning I knew it was gonna be a terrible day not only because I had lot on my mind but also i'm drained and so far, I was right. I've been coming up with a lame excuse to Alexus all day about why i'm so quiet but honestly I couldn't tell her because I don't even know why i'm so drained. I tried cheering myself up by laughing with my friends but once the laughing is done, there goes that feeling of emptiness again.  I go through emotions faster than a person with a mood disorder..maybe I should look into that.

I walk to my next class with one arm carrying my books and the other playing with my braid. I decided to get two big long braids on the opposite sides of my head after the fair and so far I'm satisfied with it. It's something no one is wearing and it looks good while neat or messy so I didn't bother trying to straighten it up this morning. Anyways, walking to my next class was even painful than just coming to school. I had math next, not a time for me to think hard right now. I was doing enough of that these last few days.

As I got closer to be my class the more anxiety I felt. I really don't know what's wrong with me today. Math isn't that bad but somehow I feel like if I walk into that class I might just die. Not literally. I guess the Darius thing has shook me up more. He hasn't come home since I last seen him, mom says "he's working" but I don't have a great feeling about any of this. It's eating me alive and I still haven't told my parents about any of this and I definitely didn't tell them I think it was one of Darius enemies who smashed our window with a brick bigger than the size of my hand. I was afraid he'll hate me forever so i'll wait until he does something about it. What if i'm too late? What if-

"Paige!" Someone calls my name from behind me. Whipping my head back to see who called me, Alexus. "Okay, I've been thinking about why your so quiet today and I narrowed it down to two things. 1. The window thing. Are you worried this might be something another than just random racist crooks? 2. That white boy. That we seen at the fair, you seemed really upset but you never explained so I need details now or this friendship is over!"

I can hear the amusement in her voice so I chuckled but still kept silent. What does she want me to say? This guy named Justin, he's cool. He's not like them all-- well, atleast I thought so. The thing is I don't know where Justin stands. Instead of saying that I decide to stay silent.

Alexus sighs. She reaches into her purse and pulls out a penny. "Penny for thoughts?"

"Lex, yes. All of it is bothering me. Everything you named plus more. I'm pretty sure my parents are having money problems but aren't speaking about it and I do think Darius pissed someone off and he could be in danger. Then lastly, no. My mind would never be stuck on someone who supports someone who talks to beautiful black people like shit. So, no. It isn't about him and it never will be. Drop it."

Alexus held a surprised expression on her face as I took heavy breathes. "I gotta get to class Lex. I'll see you later okay?" but before she could respond I quickly opened my classroom door and entered.

I felt so bad for blowing up on her like that but I couldn't help it. It was all inside of me she just triggered it and it blew up on her. Now i'm sitting in a classroom full of students that I don't even want to be around. There was the students that sat at the front of the room who actually loved this class, the middle seaters like me who wanted to pass but also hated it, and then it's the back of the class who couldn't care and only talk about what's happening outside of school. Idiots.

"Hey Paige, you going to the party on Friday?" Jaylin Scott tapped my back and ask.

"What party?" I grow curious.

"It's gonna be downtown by the edge point of the other side." Jaylin is referring to the white side of the town. Great, another party by the edge that always ended in a brawl between some white gang and the Bypass.

The Bypass is a group that throws parties every week to celebrate another week of living for the ones that haven't been stolen out their homes, chopped up, and thrown into a river for supposedly whistling at a white woman. You know, that types of stuff. It's a good way to bring all the black teens together but it sometimes didn't end well.

"Um.. maybe." A small smile on my lips. I could use the break.

"Good. I was hoping to see you there." Jaylin winks at me and a smile play on his lips as I blushed.

Turning back around and smiling to myself as Mrs. Nickens goes over the boring lesson.

~~~

"Are you done being mad at me yet?" I ask Lex again for the fifth time in the last 20 minutes we've been walking.

"Nope." Alexus pops the P.

"Come ooon Lex, I'm sorry I swear I didn't mean it. I was stressed out. A lot has been happening and I don't know how to handle it." I stick out my bottom lip and quiver it a bit. "Pwease forgive me."

Alexus looks out in the distance. "Fine." She says defeated and turns to me and smile. "But if you ever pms on me again i'm coming back on ya."

I laughed. "Deal." We walk more and more distance on this dusty side rode we walk to and from school. "Hey, guess what?"

"What?" locking our arms together as we continue to walk and getting closer.

"Jaylin Scott, the basketball boy basically asked me to that party on the edge this Friday." I plaster a grin on my face.

"What?! You've got to be shitting me! I need a date too!" She had a huge smile on her face then she pouted.

I don't know if i'm actually going so I wont feed into it too much but i'm thinking about. It would be a good time to forget about everything else and just have fun with Alexus.

"Take Brandon you big dope." I playfully roll my eyes but serious too. They liked each other obviously, you could feel the tension but neither has told me anything.

"I'm good besides, it wouldn't be a date. He's our friend and been our friend since grade school. It would be weird to go on a date with him." She flipped her hair and started walking ahead of me. Something she did when she wanted to avoid a conversation.

"Whatever you say Lex." I chuckle and catch up with her.

A/N:

Boring, I know but I think I will update another chapter later today with more exciting things but I don't know. Anyways, thanks for reading this book and more.

I wasn't updating because school and personal issues I guess but now i'm ready to write and get things pawping.  This book is almost at 20k, i'm way too happy.

Have any ideas for me to consider? I could need the help. Brain farts.

Don't be a silent reader!

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