Monsters Are Human

38. what's the difference?

  I never mourned the death of my guitar teacher, my grandpa, and my beagle.
I couldn't do it.
There was nothing to mourn.
Because when you're little they tell you that they're in a better place playing with all of the dogs.
I thought that sounded pretty good.
So I didn't cry for them.
I imagined my guitar teacher at a gig that never ended.
My grandpa and my beagle were always together with my pug.
And all of the other dogs that I've seen come and go.
I didn't mourn the deaths until I was 12 and in the basement of my house playing guitar.
I cried for the lives I never mourned.
I cried for the lives that I had never really known.
The ones that ended too soon.
When you're older, you don't know what you believe.
And you will mourn.
You will be struck with grief.
And it'll go on for a while.
I promise you it's okay to cry.
I cried.
I was angry. furious.
It's okay to be mad.
But don't forget what you believed when you were little
Because you're the same person.
And when you were little you weren't sad