I held my throbbing arm. Each pulse sent a new wave of nausea to my head. I ripped off a strip of my shirt and tied it around my arm, trying to keep the blood from dripping onto the floor. Slowly I let myself slide down the wall. The cold stones proved to be a better support for my slouched form than my own legs.
I concentrated on my bleeding limb to avoid the icy gaze that was focused on my face. I was trying to stay conscious as the loss of blood was taking its toll on my eyes. Bright white spots were clouding my vision.
I heard him make a small noise of disapproval before his footfalls became softer and softer. He had almost reached the door but I already knew it wasn't over yet. I had to prove myself once again, otherwise defying him wouldn't make any sense.
"Wait," I spoke up.
"What?" he spat back, clearly irritated with my behaviour.
"I forgive you..." I saw the recognition of the words hit him. A look of shock was present on his face but he quickly regained his composure and the shock changed into that plain and cold expression that he usually showed me.
"Not this shit again. Look, I hurt you to punish you, not so you can forgive me. What is there to forgive anyway? I am a ghoul, this is in my nature." he said, averting his gaze to the floor. He hated having to hurt me, even though his sadistic side enjoyed seeing me in pain he wasn't trying to kill me. No, not at all, this was his way of protecting me.
"I know, but I am not giving up yet!" This time there was no fury in his eyes, only a disappointed and hurt glance. He felt down because I was still trying to defy him, after all he's done to me I'm still convinced that ghouls and humans can live together in peace.
He opened the door and set his foot outside before he decided to turn back to me and face me one last time. I looked up expectantly, hoping for him to finally give me a chance to explain myself.
"No. We can't live in peace. I keep you here because apparently this is the only way to keep you safe. I don't want you to run into a ghoul and try to reason with them, telling them that it's okay for them to let you go, that they don't have to kill you."
These were the moments that I treasured. He never talked to me that much and whenever he did talk to me it would be something angry. He would hurt me and then he would regret it later. He always came back to apologize to me but he still blamed it on me. Saying things like 'it's your fault for always talking back to me!'
However, this was different. These precious moments where he was actually trying to explain himself were what I lived for. I already knew what he was going to say. He would always tell me that he had only kidnapped me to protect me from other ghouls, that he hurt me so I would listen to him. But I wasn't about to let that happen.
I still fought back, even after all those days. How long has he kept me here? I don't even remember. What I do remember is that at first I was afraid of him. He'd wound me and give me small injuries, not enough to actually damage me, but enough to mentally impair me.
I would obey his every command and never defy him. But this changed over time, I saw that the person who had once been a precious friend to me, who had become overly protective of me, who tried to keep me safe whenever he was near me, was now more like a guardian.
This guardian had locked me in a small room. He threathened me almost every day that he would hurt those close to me if I didn't listen to him, but what he didn't know was that the person closest to me was him, Kirishima Ayato.
Even though he held me captive and only talked to me a few minutes a day, he was still that person who had once saved me from a treacherous ghoul. I loved him, without him I wouldn't be here today. He was my saviour, my everything. I adored him, and I recently discovered that my feelings were reciprocated.
At one point I just stopped being afraid, I told myself it was stupid to be afraid of my best friend. If we were able to live together, even before he had locked me away, why wouldn't others be able to follow our example?
"It's not fair, and you know that too, Ayato!"
"I don't care about others, ghould and humans are like a predator and a prey. Have you ever seen a lion and a deer live together? No, the only reason you're still alive is because I don't want anyone else to have you. Get it?"
"Of course I get it, but it's no reason to keep me locked up in here forever. I love you, but this is not the way it should be."
Suddenly a gush of anger was released into the small space. I recognized the anger in Ayato's eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but he couldn't find the right words. He thought for a few seconds before speaking up.
"You shouldn't love me. You should fear me! I locked you up in this cage! I HURT YOU! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE AFRAID OF ME AND LISTEN TO ME!"
There it was. He snapped.
"I just want us to live in peace together. Without you hurting me. Can't you see that? And I'm not afraid of you. I know that deep underneath that dark cloud that has fogged up your mind there is still the Ayato that I love!"
I looked into his eyes. The dark black holes reflected my own and there seemed to be no traces of regret.
My point wasn't getting through to him, but it was not like I had expected otherwise. This was almost a daily routine, I would try to defy him, he would hurt me, I would try to convince him once again and then he would tell me to shut up and leave.
Well, we were already at the point where I would try to make him view the world through my eyes.
"Please, why don't you listen to me for once? Just once!" Ayato walked over to where I was sitting on the ground. I closed my eyes and waited for some kind of impact, but nothing happened. I slowly opened my eyes and snuck a glance through my eyelashes.
There had been a sudden change of demeanor in Ayato. He crouched down and helped me to readjust the the piece of cloth that was failing its job as a bandage. He stared into my eyes and let out a deep sigh.
"Come on, it's late already, I don't feel like having this conversion with you right now. I'll help you get to your bed." Being a man of his word he picked me up carefully and walked to the bed in the corner of my small prison. He lifted the blanket and placed me down on the soft matress.
"Alright, but tomorrow I'll surely convince you, so you better prepare yourself!" I said, full of determination. I knew I shouldn't give up now but he wasn't going to listen to me. Maybe tomorrow he would finally have time to actually discuss this topic.
Ayato pulled the covers over me and sat down on my bed. He slowly bent down and pecked my forehead.
"Don't ever forget that I love you. I want to protect you and that's why you should stay here with me, I don't want you to end up like my sister and dad, I don't want you to leave."
"I love you too" I mumbled.
"I know," he sighed, "and that's exactly what I'm afraid of. You shouldn't love me, I'm a ghoul. I could kill you any second."
"But you wouldn't" I couldn't help but smile.
"I know" Ayato stood up and walked to the door. He turned around and reached for the lightswitch. After dimming the lights he left my room and locked the door. I heard his steps for a few more seconds until all sound was replaced with a welcoming silence and I could finally slip into a peaceful slumber.
Maybe tomorrow...
I am sorry the ending is a little depressing, but I never know how to end these kinds of oneshots and I really enjoy writing angsty things, not too angsty though. I always regret writing too angsty fics. Please do comment to tell me what you thought of the oneshot and of course leave requests in the comments.
