First Comes Marriage (Completed & Editing)

Marriage. The Final Assessment.

The counselor stared back at us with a pondering look in his eyes. Since we started talking he has always started stating his opinion at the end of my story. But this is our story, and I don’t want to hear his opinion.

Smugly sitting forward in my chair, I locked eyes with the man and finally said what I was thinking. "You know what, I know this is usually where you butt in and give your analysis or opinion but I think you need to wait."

Maybe I had snapped, but I could not listen to that man talk about our marriage in some distorted light anymore. I know that Mel isn't going to say anything. By the looks of her slouched body and her sky blue eyes looked clouded. She was as done as I was.

"I'm sure you are sitting there thinking that we are out of our damn minds, but here is the thing, we are actually smarter than probably any couple you have ever had in here." I know I was being a little dramatic, but this is the fifth therapist we have been to. They give their opinions like they are gods and then send you on your way. It is a load of bullshit.

"I love Mel. I have since the day that I met her. I married the girl of my dreams and I know that whatever version of love she believes in, she feels for me. Right, Mel?"

Perking up a bit, she flashed me that earth-shattering smile and with a slight roll of the eyes spoke up, "I don't believe in love Jake, but if I did, you would be the one I loved. You are the one I want to fall asleep with and the one that I want to wake up to in the morning. And really, what the fuck is love anyway?" Laughing a little, she returned to her normal Mel-self, ready to argue anything the man said next.

The counselor, who obviously couldn't stay quite any longer, voiced up. "You two have been asking about love from the moment you walked through my door. Do you want to know what love it?” Taking a deep breath, waiting for our approval, he continued, “Love is wanting to fall asleep and wake up with the same person by your side every day. It is standing up for each other when people threaten you. It is knowing that you won't see eye to eye on most things and then being willing to comprise. You two probably have the most functional relationship of anyone I have ever counseled." Eyeing Mel, he let out a short breath and stated, "But as individuals you need a lot of help if you want this marriage to work."

Confused, I looked to Mel in hopes that she knew what he was talking about. The disgusted look on her face made me think that she didn't. He just told us that we had a good relationship but that we are screwed up as people, how does that work?

"This is what I mean. Jake, you put too much trust in your emotions. If you let you happiness be controlled by the people around you then you will always be trying to live up to a standard that does not exist. It is a fantasy."

"That is not tru-" I tried to cut in. But this was a man on a mission, a man who had something to say and who was going to say it regardless of whether or not we wanted to hear it.

"I am not done. Mel, you live without regard to emotion. You see everything in life as logical, something you can figure out. Newsflash, life isn't logical. Some things just cannot be explained, but that does not mean they don't exist or are not important."

Seeming to have said his peace, he laid his pen and paper down, about to unveil his ruling on our marriage. This is always where things go south. They tell us to separate, we say no. After that we leave and we fight over what we have been told, and so we go to a new counselor and the cycle continues.

In a whisper that I rarely hear from my wife she asks, "Is this the part there you tell us that we need to get a divorce? Because honestly, I can't take being told that again."

My heart was breaking into a million pieces because I felt the same way. Trying to swim against the current is hard enough, but add in the bears trying to scoop us out of the water, and it is almost impossible.

Grabbing her hand, waiting to hear those fateful words, I whisper in her ear, "I will still love you more tomorrow than I do today, and I love you more today than I ever have before." It was what I told her in our vows. While we were married in front of a judge, I had to promise that to her. It was my way of making sure she knew that this marriage is more than paper and a contract. For me, it is only about love.

Staring into those Carolina blue eyes, I decided that no matter what this man said, I was not going to leave her. This girl is my life. I don’t think I could function without her and I don’t think she would be okay without me either.

"I cannot believe that I am going to say this, but I think you two have to stay married." The man’s voice echoed through the office.

Catching us both by surprise, we looked into each other’s eyes wondering if he was serious. Her eyes said everything I felt. It just seems that neither of us could find the right words to say next.

"Really?" I finally managed to mumble out.

"Yes, really. I have been in this business long enough to know what people who need to separate look like. If anything, I think if you separated you would need therapy. You are the Yin to her Yang. While you live on emotion, Mel lives void of them. While you try to achieve the impossible, Mel lives for the logical. I don't care the word you use for it, but you two are two halves of a whole."

Thinking about what he said, I couldn't help but agree. Our whole relationship was Mel being logical and me living in a fantasy. We dated and while she was content with just spending time with me, I threw in every supposedly romantic idea I have ever seen in hopes that she would fall for me.

When I was ready to spend the rest of my life with a woman I had only known for a few months because I was in love, she made it practical. I would have married her on the spot without a thought of the future, but she made me look at the long term.

And really, why I have been making such a big deal about the word love? She may not believe in the concept of love, but she shows me love more than anyone who claims to be in it. How many wives encourage their husband to do the things that make them happy even if it is inconvenient for them? She puts up with my crazy hours at work without ever making me feel guilty. A wife like that is a man’s fantasy, and I actually have her in my bed every night.

I knew from the beginning that this relationship was going to be far from ordinary and looking back, I am glad that it was. People always sing the nursery rhyme, first comes love, then comes marriage. But what if we changed the words around, does it make a difference? Either way you end up married and in love, who says which one has to come first?

Grabbing my beautiful wife's hand and walking out of the building, I knew for the first time in a while that we were going to be alright. We will never be normal and I never want us to be. Leaning down to kiss Mel, I met her lips with a passion I had forgotten I had. And she responded just as eagerly.

Both out of breath, she pulled back, looked me in the eye and said, "If we leave now, we can squeeze in a quickie before Monday Night Football."

Pulling her into the car and speeding off, only one thing crossed my mind. I really did marry the most amazing woman in the world and damn do I love her.