my head was pressed against the window, while looking at the clouds. i was so tired. i just wanted to sleep, but i couldn't. i felt terrible. i wanted to throw up. there were only a couple hours left on this plane but the time wen't so slow. i just wanted to go see him. i wanted to see his eyes opening. i wanted him to breathe. i wanted him to move his body. i wanted him to let me know he was alive. why is this happening to me? why is this happening to him?
one day earlier
c o n n o r
i was sleeping peacefully with troye's body next to me. i felt warm and safe. until his fucking phone began to ring.
i slowly opened my eyes, waiting for troye to pick up. he just slept through it, like always. troye could even sleep through an earthquake.
'troye, wake up' i mumbled. he let out a groan and then reached for his phone. he picked up. 'hello?' he mumbled.
'troye? troye something terrible happened.'
i could hear tyde's voice from the phone. troye's face changed and got up in a sitting position. 'what's wrong? are you okay?'
'i'm okay troye.. matthew isn't.'
'what?! why?!'
't-troye.. he got hit by a car.'
his body didn't move and his eyes were focused on one thing. you could tell he felt numb. i stood up and sat down next to him. what do i do? do i comfort him? his fucking boyfriend just got hit by a car.
'troye please say something..' tyde spoke.
'is. he. okay.' he said while his body began to shake.
'he's in the hospital and the doctors are taking care of him. they don't know when he'll wake up.'
'o-oh god..' troye stuttered and then his tears rolled down his cheeks. without saying anything he hung up and began to cry. hard.
i immediately took him in me arms. he held me tight. after a couple minutes i began to talk him down.
'he's gonna be okay troye..'
'w-what i-if..'
'no troye, don't think about that.'
'i-i..' he wanted to say something but he just couldn't let it out. he began to cry again. i knew what he wanted. he wanted to be there for him.
'go back to australia.' i whispered.
'b-but you..' his boyfriend might die and he's worrying about me? this boy was weird, but he had a big heart.
'i'll be fine.'
'p-please come with me. i can't go alone..'
'are you sure?'
'yes please..'
'i know you can't sleep right now but please take some rest, i'll make sure we'll leave tomorrow.'
he nodded, shaking.
'he's gonna be okay, and so are you.'
o n t h e p l a n e
t r o y e
my head was pressed against the window, while looking at the clouds. i was so tired. i just wanted to sleep, but i couldn't. i felt terrible. i wanted to throw up. there were only a couple hours left on this plane but the time wen't so slow. i just wanted to go see him. i wanted to see his eyes opening. i wanted him to breathe. i wanted him to move his body. i wanted him to let me know he was alive. why is this happening to me? why is this happening to him?
what did he do that he deserved this? he was perfect. i was gonna have a future with him. we were about to buy a house. we would live together and we would have the best life. he's an angel, he's a sweatheart. he let me go see connor, he wasn't even jealous. he was a bit worried and that was it. he knew he could trust me. god, i love him so much. i still remember our call earlier. we thought everything was okay. he said goodnight. it just hurts that at that moment he thought he was safe. it fucking hurts.
i knew i was slowly drifting to a sleep but i just kept my eyes open. i knew that if i would wake up from my sleep i would think everything was a dream. i don't wanna get that feeling. this isn't a dream. this is reality, this is seriously happening right now.
when i looked to my left side i saw connor sleeping. his face looked so tired. he woke up in the middle of the night for me. connor has his own problems, i was so close to make him better. we were having fun, and now he has another thing to worry about. my fault. my fucking fault.
-
after a couple hours what seemed like years i arrived at the hospital. after we landed my mother picked up connor and brought him to our house. i wanted to go see matthew and connor knew i needed some privacy. when i got told where his room was i searched and searched, and then i found it. was anybody in there? i knew his family was worried as fuck but i didn't know if they were still there.
i could feel my heart going crazy as i opened the door. the first thing i saw was that nobody was in the room.
and then my eyes fell on him.
i started tearing up. i slowly walked up to him. his body looked terrible. i sniffed and took his hand in mine. he felt cold.
i stroke his cheek with my other hand. 'you'll be okay..' i whispered while being really close to crying.
'just don't leave me.. please. i need you.'
'fuck, i need you so bad.'
-
y'all wanted matthew dead
so here you go
but who knows
he might survive
see ya next time
