c o n n o r
troye was taking me outside a lot, and i liked it. i would never do that by myself but with troye it's.. fun. we laugh and talk. two things i didn't do in a long time.
we were now just walking back home. we just ate dinner at our favorite place when he visited me for the first time. i mean.. i don't know if it's still his favorite, but it did bring back some memories.
but just as i thought everyday was going fine, something happened. i saw them.
i saw them. i saw the guys i used to hook up with. they would always get angry at me for kicking them out the next morning, realizing i got drunk again. god i just hoped they wouldn't recognize me.
wait, ofcourse they will.
'e-eh troye this is the wrong direction come here.' i said and quickly turned around. troye looked at me. 'really? i thought your house w..-'
'nope you're wrong.' i mumbled.
i thought i could get out of this. but i didn't. they were yelling my name. please not now..
'hey connor!'
'hey sex addict, come here'
'you don't need fuckbuddy's anymore now huh?'
'i see you got another slut. don't need us anymore now hm?'
i just wanted to continue walking, though i was really angry about them calling troye a slut i didn't want to get in trouble.
but troye had other plans. he turned around and walked up to them. 't-troye don't!'
'what did you call me?'
i just wanted to close my eyes. the last thing i wanted to see was troye fighting with them
the guy's weren't big or something, they were the same as us. but they were still with more people. so we just needed to get out of here because it get's worse.
'a slut. do you want me to spell it?'
'spell it and you'll see what i do.'
'troye please come.. please.' i whispered, begging now. i pulled at his arm trying to pull him back but he wouldn't come with me.
'please..' i repeated, now losing my patience.
'watch out before you call someone a slut. and also, don't you dare to shout things at him again or you'll get in big trouble.' he spoke before walking away with me.
the guy's just walked away. did that just work? god, troye's face was so angry right now. i wanted to say something but he almost made me feel scared. i've never seen this side of troye. maybe it's a new side of him. it has been one year.. a people can change in one year, right? or maybe it was always inside of him and.. what am i talking about he was just standing up for himself. and for me. oh my god troye just helped me. he scared them of. am i thinking too much? am i overthinking? are we almost at my house? is this the good direction anyways?
'connor i literally can hear you thinking. calm down.'
was it that obvious?
't-thank you by the way..'
'connor.. who were those guys and why did they talk about sex?'
't-they um.. i used to hook up with a couple of them.'
'are you still?'
'n-no i hate them..'
'connor don't ever do things like that again unless it's with someone you really trust. you can't just let people use your body. you're not like that. you always describes sex as love and what you do with those guys is definitely not love.'
i bit my lip, realizing that he was right. i mean, i knew it was bad but i think i now realized how stupid i was. he was right. sex was like love to me. and i only felt the love with him. i'm glad he took my virginity because if it was with one of those guys i would've never forgive myself.
-
since it was a pretty rough day i decided to go to sleep. it was a little early but i was exhausted. i told troye goodnight and got to bed. sometimes we would sleep in the same bed when i needed him to. i still had nightmares sometimes. but i didn't even know if he liked sleeping in the same bad as me. maybe he just did it because he felt bad. maybe he didn't even want it. he has a boyfriend, i bet he doesn't even wanna continue this. yeah, i slept better with him next to me but i would accept his decision.
suddenly i could hear him talking. who was he talking to?
'i miss you too.'
'yeah, i'm fine.'
i realized after a while he was on the phone. i think it was matthew.
'i love you more. ofcourse. alright baby, i'm gonna sleep now okay?'
'bye sweatheart.'
it was pretty quiet for a couple seconds but then i heard him walking up the stairs. i pretended i was asleep because i didn't want him to know that i heard what he said on the phone. i closed my eyes.
and then he laid down next to me. he really cared. i didn't even ask him to sleep together today. does he really want this?
i guess he does because i just couldn't help getting closer to him and so does he.
