Stand by Me

Chapter Seventeen "Drowned"

The walk to my room was almost a welcoming feeling, like I didn't want to be anywhere else. Sleep was the only thing on my agenda, maybe I could sleep away the sadness. I didn't understand my sudden sadness, my sudden urge to give up. Why did I feel so helpless?

The pain itched at me, clawing away any glimmer of hope and happiness. I walked to the small bathroom and looked into a small mirror. I was broken, used and shattered. I noticed that rejecting the chance to be with Chris wasn't a good decision. I climbed out of my window frame, I needed to see him, I needed to talk to him.

I figured going to the treehouse was the best bet, because even if he wasn't present he would eventually be there. My shaky legs climbed the ladder and slowly I pushed up the door. I pulled my body in and to my advantage he was there. He looked at me with concern and I couldn't hold it in anymore, I expressed my emotions in the only way I know how, crying.

We sat there together in silence for minutes, hours? I finally pulled away and looked at him. A smile appeared on my face, what reason and world had it come from? I didn't even know.

The emotions over flowed me, like a wave. I held it in for too long and it left me feeling broken and worn out. Within the whole time I was with Chris we didn't say anything, until I finally had something to say.

"Before I met you, I never knew what it was like to be able to look at someone and smile for no reason," I whispered, my voice cracking.

He smiled a rare smile, the kind I rarely see; a real smile. I looked at him, into his eyes, the ones that hold so much. I knew we understood each other, yet we were so different. "We look at the same stars and see such different things," I said drifting off into sleep.

He nodded "they're all the same," he whispered his voice like a calming wave. And suddenly a silence fell upon the two of us, but I've learned, better than anyone, that silence speaks when words can't.

When I woke up the sunlight streamed through the windows like a source of strength. I sat up with a sudden energy, I couldn't describe what it was. I looked over to Chris and noticed a black eye and his lip was swollen. I wondered how I had not seen it last night, maybe I looked beyond it.

I looked at him more closely, he was too good, too good and pure for this world. He didn't deserve half of the shit he gets, and yet he still receives. Somehow he could care so much about other people, and I admired him for that. He was better than me, and I hoped that some day I would be as caring as him.

His eyes opened with a quickness, almost as if he had known I was looking at him. He turned to me with a small smile and I returned a weak one. I tenderly touched his lip and he flinched slightly. I frowned and I guess he noticed because he said "no.. no I'm ok."

I sighed "when did this happen," I asked and he touched his lip conscientiously. "Last night," he rubbed the back of his neck and sat up "it's not a big deal, I'm ok, honest."

I shook my head and did my best to tend to the wound. Like waves crashing on an empty beach the rhythm of our breaths, my lips adrift on his. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Love was a word used to commonly, too casually. However, every time I said it, it seemed to have a different meaning. Our moments were my favorites memories, but this one ended abruptly to the secret knock. Chris groaned and I pulled up the door, revealing Teddy.

Once he was fully in the tree house he started bursting out into laughter "oh I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?" he was hysterically laughing. I rolled my eyes and Chris punched him in the shoulder and sat down "actually, yes," he said and that only made Teddy laugh harder.

"Shut up," I said and sat down too. He eventually calmed down and was shuffling cards "sorry, I didn't mean to be a cock-block," he said placing a cigarette between his lips.

I pushed him lightly and our conversation was again interrupted by a secret knock. This time when we opened the door, both Vern and Gordie climbed up. Once they were in the tree house I observed the scene, "just like old times," I said and they all chuckled.

"Yeah, I guess so, huh."