Stand by Me

Chapter Ten "Campfire"

"Man. That was the ultimate train-dodge. Too cool. Vern you were so scared you looked like the fat guy in Abbot and Costello the time he saw the mummy!" Teddy exclaimed.

"I wasn't that scared!" Vern tried to defend himself and I rolled my eyes.

"Vern!" We all shouted at the same time.

"No, really, I wasn't. Sincerely," he said.

"Okay. Then you won't mind if we check the seats of your Jockeys for Hershey-squirts, will ya?" Gordie asked and an eruption of laughter set off through all of us.

"Oh screw." Vern said and I stared into the fire. The embers flew into the air and the fire lit the sky, burning and twisting into waves of orange.

"Vern, you better turn yours over," Chris said looking at Vern's stick.

"this is the way I'd like to do it," Vern said looking into the fire.

"Fine," Chris said, but as soon as he said it, it was too late.

"Oh man! You got any more, Gordie?" Vern asked frustrated, we all laughed.

"Sorry, Vern," Gordie said.

"It's not funny, what am I supposed to eat?" Vern almost yelled.

"Why don't you eat your dick?" Teddy asked sarcastically and Chris joined in on the joke "it would be a small meal."

"Screw you guys I got it!" Vern was happy as he pulled it out of the burning fire, our only source of light besides the moon.

"Nothing like a smoke after meal," Vern said taking the cigarette out of his mouth.

"Yeah. I cherish these moments," Teddy said weirdly looking at the sky.

Chris and I laughed and he looked at us "what? What did I say?"

"Hey, Gordoe, why don't you tell us a story?" Chris said looking toward Gordie and we all nodded.

"I - I don't know," he said nervously.

"Oh come on," Chris said and Vern nodded "yeah, come on, Gordoe. But not one of your horror stories, okay? I don't wanna hear no horror stories. I'm not up for that, man."

"Why don't you tell us one about Sergeant Stone and his battling leathernecks?" Teddy asked.

"Well the one I've been thinking about is kind of different. It's about this pie-eating contest. And the main guy of the story is a fat kid that nobody likes named Davie Hogan," Gordie started his story and I lay down putting my head in Chris's lap.

"Like Charlie Hogan's brother. If he had one," Vern interrupted and the boys seemed annoyed.

"Good Vern. Go on, Gordie," Chris said running his fingers through my hair.

"Well this kid is our age but he's fat, real fat. He weighs close to one-eighty. But you know it's not his fault it's his glands," Gordie continued, but once again Vern interrupted.

"Oh yeah, my cousin's like that, sincerely. She weighs over three hundred pounds. Supposed to be Hyboid Gland or something. Well I don't know about any Hyboid Glands, but what a blimp. No shit she looks like a Thanksgiving turkey. And you know this one time --" Vern rambled and everyone got more annoyed than last time.

"Shut up, Vern," Chris said again.

"Yeah, yeah, right. Go on, Gordie, it's a swell story," Vern said in his attempt to apologize.

"Well all the kids instead of calling him Davie they call him Lardass. Lardass Hogan. Even his little brother and sister call him Lardass. A-at school they put a sticker on his back that says 'wide load', and they rank him out and beat him up whenever they got a chance. But one day he gets an idea. The greatest revenge-idea a kid ever had," Gordie continued the story and I could almost see it.

I looked up into the sky imagining the pie eating contest. It was almost as if I were there in the story. As Gordie started finishing the story I started getting sleepy.

"Slowly a sound started to build in Lardass' stomach. A strange and scary sound like a log-truck coming at you at a hundred miles an hour. Suddenly, Lardass opened his mouth. And before Bill Travis knew it he was covered with five pies worth of used blueberries. The women in the audience screamed. Bossman Bob Cormier take one look at Bill Travis and barfed on Principal Wiggins. Principal Wiggins barfed on the lumberjack that was sitting next to him. Mayor Grundy barfed on his wife's tits. But when the smell hit the crowd, that's when Lardass' plan really started to work. Girlfriends barfed on boyfriends. Kids barfed on their parents. A fat lady barfed in her purse. The Donnelly-twins barfed on each other. And the women's auxiliary barfed all over the benevolent order of antelopes. And Lardass just sat back and enjoyed what he created. A complete and total barforama," Gordie finished the story, and it was great.

"Yeah!" We all cheered.

"Now that was the best, just the best," Chris said and Vern agreed.

"What happened?" Teddy asked and Gordie looked up confused "what do you mean?"

"I mean, what happened?" Teddy said.

"What do you mean what happened, that's the end," Gordie said, still confused.

"How can that be the end, what kind of an ending is that? What happened to Lardass?" Teddy pressed on and I was almost concerned with how interested he was in the ending.

"I don't know. Maybe he went home and celebrated with a couple of cheeseburgers," Gordie shrugged his shoulders and that answer didn't seem to be enough for Teddy "jeeze. That sucks. Why don't you make it so that Lardass goes home, an' he shoots his father. An' he runs away. An' - an' he joins the Texas- Rangers. How about that?"

"I - I don't know," Gordie said not wanting to change the ending.

"Something good like that," Teddy said lying down.

"I like the ending. The barfing was really good. But there is one thing I didn't understand. Did Lardass have to pay to get into the contest?" Vern asked and I almost choked on absolutely nothing, is he serious?

"No, Vern, they just let him in," Gordie said a little annoyed.

"Oh! Oh great. Great story," Vern said lying down also.

"Yeah it's a good story, Gordie, I just don't like the ending," Teddy said rolling to face us.

"Hey, Verno, where's the radio, let's see if we can get some sounds," Chris asked lying next to me.

"Here," Vern passed it over.