Paper Airplanes ll hs.

Ch. 17. "Maybe Larry's real."

I stood on the phone with my two friends, Isabella and Annabelle. Ana just got her first tattoo and we were all talking about it, I wanted to go with her but I couldn't because I didn't have fair for the train and I’m still mourning over my grandmother a bit. It. It's been a full on week but it's still difficult because every day I have to pass by her building and pray for her to call out the window and call my name, but she can't do that anymore.

I stood on the phone with them and they were cleaning Ana’s guinea pig cage and Isabella was laughing because her guinea pig was trying to get away. I, on the other hand just stood on the line and read a magazine; I had my legs lying on my wall and my head was dangling from the edge of my bed. I was getting bored after a while of them just laughing and then screaming and then it went silent every once in a while and it was pretty awkward for me. I got to a page in the magazine where it was Harry and Taylor and I got pretty annoyed because it had only been just a month of them together and they have more pictures of them then I have when I was a baby. I read the article and groaned when they had a picture of Taylor wearing a airplane necklace that wasn't Harry's. I looked at my necklace and I felt like I was being lied to, which made me groan louder and getting Isabella's and Annabelle's attention, "what's wrong over there?" Annabelle asked.

I sighed, "I'm reading a magazine and Haylor comes up. They see her wearing a paper airplane necklace and they think it's Harry's, even though the night of Emma Stones party Harry gave it to me telling me to hold it for him because I told him not to give it to me." I played with the necklace between my index and middle fingers and I sighed again, "I know I should believe that he gave me the real one but something inside of me feels wrong."

"Because you thought it was special and now that Taylor has a copy you don't feel as special." Isabella said.

 I nodded and even though they couldn't see me they knew I was nodding. I told them I'll call them in the morning because I have to see what I was going to do tonight, Isabella was sleeping over Annabelle's house for New Years and Harry said he was going to see the ball drop with Taylor; he says his management wants people to believe they're together so they're going to kiss at midnight.

That made me feel like I had no one in the world and I'm starting to believe I don't. Even with all of the things people tell me how they're always there for me like Christina and Sid, Isabella and Annabelle and even Harry; they always tell me that they're here for me when I need someone. But I need someone right now, just to hold me or lie to me telling me that everything will be okay but everyone is busy and it's four hours until midnight and it seems like I'm going to be spending New Years alone. So I thought getting a new book to spend the next four hours reading; The Fault in Our Stars by John Green made me cry and want to kill everyone who tried speaking to me that day. It was filled with heart breaks and quotes that made you feel like someone is trying to get you and understand why you would want to exit reality.

When it end it felt like my world came crashing down onto my shoulders and when I was done tears exploded and I didn't know what else to do, so I went to go get a new book; preferably John Green because I have a feeling he could be a good escape for me. So I began reading Looking or Alaska and so far it's really good. So far I realize that there aren’t any chapters, it goes by counting down days and I'm only up to the part where he met Alaska and for some reason it took me three hours to read because Harry couldn't stop texting me. He told me he was at a Coldplay concert and he wishes I was with him. Then by eleven at night he ended up calling me, "I miss you." He soft softly. You could hear a bunch of people talking behind him and I could tell he was in Time Square already. He sighed after I didn't say anything, "Journey please, I don't know what I did wrong but please don't just shut me out." 

I stood silent and in that silence I took it upon myself to realize that he didn't do anything wrong and I was just angry for the sake of being angry, "I miss you." I finally said.