Recovery [ON HOLD]

Chapter Twenty Two: Letters To You

POV from Ben

She was sniffling silently behind me. We each held a black rose and they were shaking slightly. I saw James' hand clench a little bit on his rose, his eyes averted downwards. I brought my hand behind myself to find Jordyn's. She gripped it tightly, her hands shaking even worse than mine. 

I felt guilty. I had never opened up the box that Rue had given me. I knew the other boys didn't either. At least, I thought no one else did. 

"She was the best." said Jaxin sadly. He held a bouquet of the roses, white, black, and pink. "She earned the nickname Rue because she was always jumping about. You know...kangaroo. But we didn't want to call her Roo, R-O-O, because people would think it came from Winne The Pooh, so we decided to make it Rue. R-U-E. And it fit her...perfectly." Jaxin sighed shakily. "She wrote a letter out before she did it. She asked for someone to read it. So...here goes..." 

He shifted the roses over and fumbled around in his pocket. Movement caught my eye as I saw Sam walk up to Jaxin and took the roses from Jaxin. A single tear rolled down Jaxin's cheek as he nodded his thanks to Sam. Sam nodded once and stood a little off to the side and watched as he opened the letter. 

"It says: Dear you.

I hate formal letters, so I guess I should have opened up by saying: Hey! Haven't heard from you in a while...how's it going? I guess I'll never know how you're doing though. Usually, people just ask how others are so they have an excuse to say how they themselves are feeling. That probably makes no sense, but it does to me, right now. I have used this excuse many times, and this is just another one of those times. How am I? 

I'm tired. I'm apologetic. I'm done. I've written everyone letters....everyone who deserves a letter...well, not deserves, but who I think should have a letter. You know who you are. You'll get the letters when you get them. Jaxin will hand them out. Those are more of personal farewells, and this will be more of a...hey, you're all gathered here today because...of...this...

I've held on for as long as I could. I'm sick and tired of feeling like shit every day and I'm upset that it took this long for me to do this. Many things have happened to me this year. A highlight has definitely been getting my guitar signed by all of Asking Alexandria and meeting them in person was pretty amazing. I also met someone, and got engaged. Even though I'm only sixteen, I think it would have been the most amazing thing in the world. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. I love her and I forever will. Confessions time. I was raped. I got pregnant with his baby and-" Jaxin stopped reading and pinched the bridge of his nose. I heard a woman give a small cry...a wail, if you will. I looked over at her and noticed that she looked just like Rue. This must be Rue's mother. Jaxin cleared his throat and started reading again. "I got pregnant with his baby and I was too scared. I was scared. I was called a slut...a whore...jailbait...anything you can think about...I was called it. I didn't want to disappoint anyone. When they said it was consensual sex over and over and over again, I began to believe it myself. Am I a slut? Am I a whore? Am I a fuck up? No. 

I'm Alexandria Dahlia McAmbell. I'm also more commonly known as Rue. I am...or I was...a homo sapien in this world of other homo sapiens trying to breathe again. 

~Alexandria 'Rue' Dahlia McAmbell."

Jordyn drew her hand from mine and wiped her eyes. Some claps were heard around us and it drew me back into reality. I watched as Jaxin wiped his eyes and took the roses back from Sam. He placed the roses in Rue's open casket and placed the letter under her cold hand. The mortician closed the casket and soon, the coffin was being lowered into the ground.