xxiii. breakdown

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It had been three or so days since Evelynn had been induced and if I was blatantly honest then I was tired of the doctors excuses of 'she isn't ready' and 'she could be in pain' I was just desperate for her eyes to flutter open and her sarcastic words going to warm my heart.

It had been hour after hour, second after second when I had been by Evelynn's bedside. Alexandra had also been keeping me much needed company when the darkness loomed and the rest of my 'clan' left.

At five a.m on a newly dawned Monday, it had been the only time where I was truly alone for the first time in days. Alexandra had slumped away to some support group which she claimed was a 'pile of crap' but she went regardless.

"Evelynn, please wake up. I need you to wake up!" I commanded to the dreaming girl. "Please, please, please," I begged and commanded with the wet tears sliding down my cheeks.

My hand fell from her limp one and I slipped off them uncomfortable chair into a broken foetal position. My breathing became ragged and hard to pass my lips as the tears fell. I ran my fingertips through my unwashed and un-styled hair and even attempted to rip clumps out.

Breathing became a incredulously difficult task as I managed to tear curly strands out of my scalp. It felt like an eternity whilst I was curled up and crying my eyes out as usual.

"Harry?" A worried voice exclaimed as footsteps pattered into the ward. Her ballet pumps squeaked on the floor as she littered footsteps to find me. When she first saw me, her eyes dulled from previous happiness from the seemingly successful support group. "Oh my fuck," She cursed and knelt down.

She wrapped her lanky arms around my torso and burrowed her made up face into my tee shirt covered shoulder. I felt a slight warm wave pass through my nerves but still was mostly cold and limp.

"What's spurred this on?" She asked, treating me like a new born baby.

"I just want her to come back," I whimpered, tears still falling fresh down my face.

"Having a mental breakdown won't help that, you know that," Alexandra soothed me in a way that drink and drugs could never do.

"Do you suffer from mental breakdowns?" I questioned, looking up at the worn face of the girl who had become a part of my life.

"Panic attacks, anxiety everything under the sun really," She stated. "But it's fine to be like this every once in a while, especially in your circumstance."

I gazed into her dull green eyes and saw the reflection of my tear stricken face in her irises. I then let the affection show in the most desperate of options,

I kissed her.

Something felt right whilst my thin lips were pressed against her plump ones. Deep down in the pits of my stomach, I knew it was wrong since I was meant to be fighting for Evelynn but I felt at home with her smooth lips on mine.

I felt her mouth plaster into a frown and confused position before she gently pulled away and left me feeling empty.

"Harry, you shouldn't have done that," She muttered, leaving the awkwardness fluttering in the air.

"Why not, you've got every quality I could possibly want in a girl," I protested, stumbling to the soles of my feet, clinching the barriers of Evelynn's bed to steady myself.

"You've got Evelynn though!" She shouted and Evelynn suddenly clambered into my mind, mentally screaming at me to make the right decision.

"Evelynn doesn't love me the way I love her. I want to try something different for a change. Give me a chance Alexandra, you won't regret it," I pleaded.

Alexandra ran her withered fingertips through her thin hair and sighed in up most frustration. "I can't let you do this, not while the love of your life is lying there in a fragile state, because in the end I know you'll go back to her and leave me heartbroken. It's going to happen and when she finds out she's not going to want anything to do with you," She tried to reason me but I was more and more determined to have my own way.

"I won't hurt you or Evelynn, I'm begging, just give me a chance," I persisted. Alexandra exhaled a large sigh in defeat.

"Fine Harry but you're on trial, and you've got to promise me something?"

"Anything,"

"If you ever want to get back with Evelynn just say and it will be completely fine with me,"

"Promise," I drew a makeshift cross where my heart was and held three fingers up in the sign of a scout. "Scouts honor."

Alexandra emitted a laugh from her lungs at my childish promise. "Well do you fancy a coffee then?" She suggested.

"That'd be spiffing Ms. Joy," I said in my 'posh' British accent.

"Well let's get going Mr. Styles," She put on the worst British accent ever done but her eyes shone jokingly.

I held out my stretched fingers for her to clasp onto and she did gladly. I closed my fingers around hers and smiled warmly. She grinned back and gained a slight pink tinge when I added a naughty wink to the equation.

We wandered to the exit of the silenced ward and lit it up which in previous hours seemed an impossible mission. Alexandra glanced back to graze her eyes over her sleeping grandfather then turned back to face me, questioning whether I would do identical to Evelynn, I simply shrugged and headed out of the door.

I needed to move on from always looking back at Evelynn. My only priority now was making sure that Alexandra was dandy rather than spending every second of every day worrying about Evelynn.

So that was the story of why I didn't look back.

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hello everyone! I am aware that this is really short but it has a major plot twist so I hope you all enjoy that aspect. Don't worry, this is not the end and there is plenty more to come. this story will probably turn out at 35-40 chapters in the end but I don't know!

enjoy the update! I love you all!

amy .x

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