Breathing the Dead ~ H.S

Chapter Eleven

A/N: Please do not skip the A/N at the end of this chapter.

CHAPTER ELEVEN: BETRAYED

Harry

Fuck. This is all such a big mess.

I tell myself I'll start to keep my distance from Laura, and then one hour later I'm holding her in my arms...cuddling her and letting her cry on my shoulder. But what was I supposed to do? Leave her there to sob on her own? Just sit there like a fucking weirdo and watch her weep without giving her any consolation whatsoever? I couldn't do that. I hate seeing her sad. And seeing her cry is 100 times worse.

I just want her to be happy.

But this is me falling into the exact same trap again, isn't it? I'm thinking about no-one else except her, and what I can do to keep her smiling. I'm losing focus again. Fucking hell, I'm hopeless.

But I can't help it. I care deeply for Laura, and I don't even know why. It's not because she's the youngest of the group - even though that's the excuse I always use. I know it's not. There's just something about her. Something about the way she can suddenly go from a brave & ruthless killer to a frail & sobbing mess in my arms makes me want to always be there to protect her. To just be her rock, and her defender.

She goes through so much, and yet she finds it so hard to talk about whatever's on her mind. I want her to know I'm always there for her. That I can easily be a perfect listening ear whenever she needs one. But how the hell am I supposed to focus on the rest of my team when I have all this on my mind?

It's just the two of you right now. At the moment, she's your team.

...OK, conscience. You have a point there.

Laura & I had been sitting by her friend Annalise's grave for about 20 minutes. I didn't mind, though. I know for a fact that after I buried my family, I stayed by their graves for a good long hour. So I told her to take as long as she needed, and she was grateful. After all, what was the rush?

And there was something strangely pacifying about the way we sat together in silence. It wasn't awkward at all, it was just...peaceful. Sitting here with her was allowing me for once to forget how shit the world was turning by the minute, and I was perfectly calm. I haven't truly felt calm for months - for ages I've just been so uptight about everything. The apocalypse...the lack of contact through our radio...any little slip-ups the group made while they did their daily duties. Slip-ups that were, to be honest, totally not worth being uptight about at all.

"Annalise seemed like an amazing girl," I broke the silence with my comment, "I understand why you miss her so much,"

Laura nodded slowly. "She was the only thing that kept me going while we stayed here," she replied in a low voice, "and once she was gone, I just totally spiraled into some twisted world of turmoil & disarray. I just...hated everything," she sighed, "I suppose it's why she wanted me to leave - because she knew I'd go crazy if I stayed here in the pharmacy all by myself," she sniffled quietly, "she knew me better than anyone,"

"I'm really sorry you had to lose her," I gently patted her hand.

Laura sighed again & shrugged. "It's OK. I guess I needed to face it sooner or later. I had to face what I lost at some point, or else I'd never feel...well...pretty much any sort of calm ever again," she flashed me a faint smile, "and now that I'm here...now that I've finally faced her...I feel so much better,"