Loving the Game

* Over...? *

• Brianne's POV •

"Bri," Brooklyn called as she entered the dorm.
"Yeah," I uttered peeking around the corner.
"Mi hermana," she pouted wrapping me in her arms," are you ok?"
I nodded,"I'm fine."
"Don't lie to me hoe."
A tear began to roll down my cheek,"I just don't understand anymore."
"What do you mean?" Brooklyn asked.
"I want to be with Deshawn I really do, but he makes it so difficult to love him. Then between that poem in class today and the situation with Chris yesterday..."
Brooklyn rubbed me on my shoulders," Let me tell you something. Deshawn is not your average guy, of course. He is on the road to success and sometimes it weighs heavy on people. But I believe he wants this to work just as much as you do. He wouldn't have said the things he said today if it didn't have the least bit of truth in it."
"He's so difficult to understand," I said wiping the year off my warm cheek.
"The best ones are, girl. You're not that easy yourself you know?"
I chuckled a bit because at times I knew I could be just as complicated even if I didn't want to admit it.
"So, get out my face with those ugly ass tears, and go get your damn man hoe. Go!" Brooklyn fussed pushing me towards the door. I didn't stop her either, because it was the right thing to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Who is it!?" Deshawn's voice called from the other side of the door.
"It's me, Bri," I called back softly. I didn't really plan on exactly what I was going to say but I was going to say something. I didn't even bother to let him know I was coming over either.
He didn't reply back which made me think he wasn't going to open up for me.
Two minutes later, I heard the lock being undone and the door swung open on the hinges.
Deshawn stood there leaning against the door frame in a pair of jogging pants and Royal blue T-shirt that for perfectly with his chocolate skin tone. His arms were crossed - body language teaches you that that means your guard is up or you're defensive. I hope in this situation neither was the case.
We stood there in silence. It took me to speak up for the conversation to begin.
"Hi," I uttered because the death stare he was giving me made me nervous and afraid at the same time.
"What's up?" He replied with a clenched jaw.
"Your poem was...amazing, brilliant, and very touching," I complimented.
He nodded," 'Precitate it."
"Did you mean it? All of what you spoke?" I questioned.
Deshawn bit his lip,"Is that what you came all the way over here to ask me? Something that wasn't even written down."
I furrowed my brows,"You read it off that paper..."
"No, you thought I did. I just said what was on my mind."
"Seems to have been a lot that was on your mind then," I responded.
"All the time."
"Well did you speak from your heart as well?"
Deshawn tightened his face," What do you think?"
"What do you want me to think?" I shrugged.
Deshawn sighed," This is pointless."
"What?"
"Us. This won't work. We're just hurting ourselves."
Hearing him say that gave me the worst gut feeling.
I shook my head,"Don't say that. I'm here to make it work. I want it to work."
Deshawn turned his back and walked back into his apartment. I walked in behind him closing the door.
"You want a water?" He asked trying to change the subject.
"No," I said firmly watching him get one for his self out the fridge.
"Suit yourself," he sighed coming back into the living area.
"Deshawn," I called. He looked at me to let me know I have his attention. "I want to work this out."
"How can we work something out when I'm here and your in Georgia?" He asked.
"The decision isn't final," I explained.
"But what about when it is?"
I shrugged," I don't know, but I know that I'm happy when me and you are on good terms."
D took a sip of the water," and when we're not?"
"I'm not the happiest but every relationship has its issues. None of them are picture perfect. We just have to compromise to make it better."
"What kinda compromise can we come to with a situation like this?!" He retorted.
"How can we find one if we don't even speak to each other?"
D shrugged,"I don't know."
"I don't like arguing with you. Being mad at you or resenting you," I told him.
"You think I like it?"
"No."
"Good cause I don't. If it were anybody else I'd say fuck you, leave then, but you're not anyone else. I can't seem to not care about you and get you out my head like anyone else I've been with before," Deshawn confessed," it's not the same."
"It's not supposed to be the same."
"Will when it is the same I don't have no problems."
"The best ones are the most difficult," I said quoting Brooklyn.
Deshawn rubber his hands across his face.
"I don't want this to be over. Not like this anyways. Please tell me you're not giving up on this," I pleaded.
Deshawn looked at me with lowered eyes. I noticed his eyes were a light red as if he were coming off a high.
"One thing," he said gulping down some more water.
"Which is?"
"I need to know...I need to know are you down for me. Like for real, for real. If you care show me. Then I'll show you once I feel like I can trust you. My trust with you has been on the rocks because of all this, because I don't know where your heart lies anymore."
I was a bit taken a back by him saying he has lost some of his trust in me. I didn't lose an ounce in him, but that's because I've been told I love hard too. Deshawn couldn't even tell me that he loved me. It's like the phrase was a foreign language to him.
"Trust?" I repeated.
"You expect me to still believe in you when you were arm and arm with another motherfucker? Plus the entire time we've been together you knew you were contemplating on leaving." I wanted to say he had the whole Chris situation misunderstood but it was best not say a thing to prevent another argument from forming. But I know how it could've looked to him. And the part about home was true. I did know, but it wasn't on my mind at the time. So he did have a reason to doubt me.

"What do you want me to do?"