Loving the Game

* HIStory *

          • Deshawn's POV •

I admit I was wrong, very wrong, for taking my frustration about my ankle, not being able to play, the Ash situation and everything else I have built up in me out on the first person I saw: Brianne. I blamed her for all that was happening since we became involved. But I honestly liked her around so I couldn't really just push her away just because things for me got hard. At least I know that now. All Bri wanted to do was make sure I was ok which is cool and all but at times like that I needed my space. I couldn't possibly expect her to know everything like that though but I did at the time. Which makes it my second time making minor fuck ups since we've been...in this whatever type of relationship this is. I do want more than to just be held at a distance with her though. I wanted to see how things would be if we were together but of course the Ash situation is holding us back from doing that. I'm probably blowing my chances of that happening anyways because of my anger issues.
I admit I'm also not the easiest person to figure out and understand at times. I think that comes also from being a Gemini.
At least she agreed to come over to my apartment so I could talk to her and give her a little insight on my life, which I wasn't comfortable enough to do with her but it would be the only way she could possibly learn a little some some about me.

The doctor I went to see about my ankle suggested that I keep it elevated when I wasn't walking on it. So I propped my leg up on a pillow on top of the coffee table as I laid on the couch and waited for Brianne to come over. I hated the fact that for an entire week I couldn't practice or play any of the 2 games we had this week. We were so close to winning the other night, but then I got hurt and so did our score... Hopefully they wouldn't be dysfunctional for the rest of the week without a captain and their starting PG (point guard).

As I flipped through the channels that showed nothing that I wanted to watch, there was a rapping at my door. I left it unlocked since I knew Bri was coming any moment and I didn't need to move around too much on my ankle. I wasn't the least bit worried about nobody bursting in on me either. Not with pistol on my hip. I kept it tucked with me unless I was at school because if I were caught with it on campus it would be the end of my entire career: basketball and all.

"Who is it!?" I called from the couch."
"Bri!" The voice called back.
"Come in!"
She twisted the knob and peeked around the corner to see my sitting down. Bri shook her head as she locked the door behind her. "You should lock that ya know."
"I do I just was waiting for you and my ankle and all so..." I shrugged.
She walked over to where I sat and took a seat opposite of me. My brown couch made a U-shape making it possible for her to do that. Bri set down her purse on the table where my foot was propped. She still looked attractive in just a plain white T and purple and white designed shorts. Her hair was up in a side ponytail from her usually of keeping down.
"So what's up?" She asked rubbing her thigh.
"I asked you to come over so we could talk about some things." I explained.
"Like?"
"I mean I'm pretty sure you know by now how flip flopped I am so...I could explain some things about myself to you. Maybe you'll have some type of understanding."
"Please do," Bri smiled slyly with a sarcastic tone.
"Ok so. I don't really know how I should start this..."
"Family..?" She suggested.
I nodded," Please don't make me regret this. I don't trust many and I wouldn't even be telling you this if I didn't think it was necessary." "Your secrets are mine," Bri agreed solemnly. "Ight," I said taking a deep breath,"so umm...I was born and raised in the west side of the Chi in Humboldt Park. When I was born my parents were married. I was named after my dad Deshawn Michael Harris so that's why I'm a junior. I had your average happy as a project family could be type of life. It was cool and all till I turned 8 and my dad missed my birthday. My momma told me he had to work late but I've grown to realize that was a lie. He had really got outchea and became a crack addict and was too gone to even remember it was my birthday. He would come home sometimes and...and uh..." I paused. I felt like I had said a mouthful already. Even the photographic memories were starting to play out like a movie. I was just getting started though, I had to give Bri some type of insight for her to understand where I be coming from sometimes. At least that's if she could at all.
"You can stop if you want," she offered but I shook my head. I sat up some off the couch and twisted my hat I had on from the back to the front. "He would sometimes hit on...my mama when he came in high and shit while I had no choice but to...watch. He pawned the ring he bought my momma once for some money to buy some more dope. Hurt her like hell what had happened to him. She was so scared of him that she slept with a .9 under the mattress. Eventually when I... I was ten when he chose crack over us; He left and I ain't seen him since."
I looked at Bri who was at loss for words. I didn't expect her to say too much after hearing all that.
"I've been told by my momma and my dads sister, my Auntie Nessa, that I act and look just like him. The younger version. He and I both got anger problems and both kinda hard headed. But I don't see anyone like him being like me. At all. I would never walk out on my family or sell my wife's ring for some blow like he did. Partially the reason why I don't really fuck with monogamy anyways. Don't nobody value that shit anymore," I explained. Hopefully this info was helpful in her understanding of my confusing personality.
"I'm...so, so sorry," Bri's voice cracked when I looked at her she was on the verge of crying her lil brown eyes out. I shook my head at her cause seeing her almost cry made me want to too but I ain't with all that sappy shit. "Don't you dare start crying either," I warned her chucking a pillow her way. It hit her in the arm when it landed. Bri looked at me upside my head as she wiped the corner of her eyes with her index finger. "My bad I just thought that..."
"I don't need no tears. I just wanted you to know some about my life. That's it. You don't got to feel bad for me. I'm straight."
Bri threw the pillow back at me," There's nothing wrong with showing some emotions mister." She got up off that side of the U couch and came and sat under me. As if it were normal she laid her head on my chest. "If it means anything...you're nothing like him. Compared to what I know about the both of you. Only thing similar is the name," she consoled.
"Thank you, I guess," I yawned," I'm still not so holy myself though. I've got my dirt."
"Doesn't everyone?" She inquired.
"You don't seem to," I pointed out.
Bri looked up and smiled at me," That's what I want ya to think."