Pieces of Forever

65 - MELISSA

I swallow the lump forming in my throat. "I said sorry."

"And you're going to have to stop being pissed at me about our situation. I have feelings too. I'm here, because I love you. I don't want to be anywhere else. As angry as I am that you're carrying his child, I'm here. I go to doctors appointments and support what's going on with you. I may not be jumping up and down, but I'm here. Give me some fucking credit."

"Okay." This is all that I can say. He may be right about me expecting too much from him.

Jason looks away from me. "This relationship is stressing me out. I'm starting to feel like I used to feel, when I first fucked around on you with Diamond. I feel like you don't give a fuck. You're selfish. You're spoiled." He shakes his head, rubbing the back of his neck, meeting my gaze. "We don't have sex, we're arguing . . . I swear that I'm trying so fucking hard."

"Are you cheating?" I ask, scared about the answer that I might receive.

Jason shakes his head. "But I thought about it." He replies, honestly. "Babe, I need you to put your feelings aside and try to be here for me. Try to work with me. I know that you're going through a lot and you need this and that, but just be patient."

He's thought about cheating? With who?

I look down at the covers, wanting him to just leave me alone. I blink back tears. Jason sighs, causing me to look back into his eyes.

"I'm not going to talk to Ashlee anymore. I had a conversation with her, after you went to sleep." He shakes his head, sadly. "I said some shit that a married man shouldn't say to anyone but his wife. I asked to take her out . . . " I just continue to look into his guilt filled eyes. "Ashlee is here for me, babe, and I need that. I need you to be here for me."

I thought I was here for him. I wipe my tears. It hurts that Jason is having thoughts of cheating on me with the bitch next door.

"He may not be my child." Jason chokes up a little. "Leslie said that he might not be mine."

Suddenly, I no long care about my feelings, or about what he could have possibly talked to Ashlee about over the phone. I look into his tear filled eyes as he bites his lip to keep his tears from falling.

I hurry and climb out the bed. I rush over to him and put my arms around his neck, and he rests his head on my shoulder. Jason squeezes me in his arms, and I can feel his tears on my cheeks. My heart breaks that he is hurting over the possibility that the baby might not be his.

Jason kisses the side of my neck, still holding on tightly to me. "We need to stick together. I need you, baby."

"You got me. All of me." I say without hesitation.

*****

Jason is laying his head on my legs, staring at the television. Since he told me about Leslie, he hasn't said much to me. All I know is that he bought a DNA test and tested the baby. After telling me that, he sort of shut down on me emotionally. I rest my back on the headboard, playing in his curls.

The quietness in the room is driving me crazy. I wish that he will just talk to me about how he feels.

"I didn't cheat on you with Cameron." I say quietly to him. I just think it's important that he knows that I haven't done anything.

Jason continues to stare at the television as though he doesn't hear me.

"I don't plan on cheating on you either." I'm beginning to think that I suck at trying to comfort him. How do I not know what to say to him? I'm the woman who's supposed to know everything about him.

"You already cheated." Jason retorts back. "And you said those words right before you cheated each time."

Damn. That kind of hurt my feelings. I decide to let his stinging remark slide, because I know that he's going through a lot emotionally.

"I thought that you and I discussed the definition of cheating. It's anything that you can't tell your partner about." He moves his head, so that he's looking up at me. "Were you going to tell me that you were talking to Cameron?"

No.

Jason continues to stare at me, waiting for an answer. When he realizes that he's not going to get one, he turns his head back to the television. "That's what I thought."

I move my fingers from his head, wanting to poke him in the back of the head. I continue to bite my tongue, trying not to get upset with him.

"But I cheated too." He says, turning his head again to look at me. "Emotionally with Ashlee. That's why I'm letting her go. I want it all from you, and I'm going to give it all to you."

I hate that my eyes fill up with tears at his words. It seems as though I'm always crying. I wipe my tears with the back of my hand and give Jason a sad smile. "We're a mess."

"Yeah, but lets not involve other people."

"It complicates shit." I smile, thinking about my brother's words some time ago. This was probably one of his best advice that he ever gave me, when I didn't even ask him for it. I was so busy trying to justify my reason for remaining friends with Cameron, when Charles had said adding people to my relationship will complicate shit.

Jason gives a half smile to my words. "Yeah, it complicates shit." He takes my hand into his. "We're going to be alright. I promise."

"I know. I just can't wait for all the hard part is done."

"My father says the first fifty years of marriage is the hardest." He laughs a little. "He said after that, it becomes easier. I'll tell you one thing, Mel. There's no one else that I would want to have hard times with in this world."

My damn eyes keep filling up with tears. This is how he gets me to fall so easily in love with him every single time. There are moments, when I question if him and I will go far, but moments like this . . . Wow, when we have moments like this, he reminds me of why I am his and forever will be.

"You're the only person that I would want to have tough times with as well." I speak the truth from my heart.

Jason squeezes my hand a little, before bringing it to his lips and kissing it softly. "I love you so much." He looks deep into my eyes and his eyes begin to get a little glossy. I pout, because when he gets emotional, I get emotional. We're some hormonal folks. "I love Jessica."

"If she isn't yours, we can still make one together in the future." I remind him.

"I know." He looks away from me for a second. "I don't want to think about that, baby."

I nod my head at his words.

Jason lets go of my hand and rubs my stomach. He kisses my stomach. I watch him close his eyes as he gives my stomach a couple more pecks and whispers something. He pulls away and sits up in the bed, burying his face in his hands . I start to reach for him, but he stands up and walks out the room.

Finding out that Leslie lied completely throughout her entire pregnancy, must be doing a number on him. Also, not knowing if he's the father of my child, might be taking a toll on him emotionally. I don't even know how to help my baby get through this. Do I give him time and space? Do I hold him and let him take out his aggression out on me? I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be there for him.