58 Days With Parker

Day 46

Dedicated to _philo because she's been reading since the beginning. how baller is that haha. c:

Day 46

Two weeks. Two whole weeks of dull, colorless days and boring, drab nights. Aspyn had finally had enough. Gathering all of her courage, she marched to Margret's house hoping that Parker would be home. Sure enough, Parker was sitting out on the porch; for once not smoking.

She was a force to be reckoned with, that's for sure. She stomped up in front of Parker and glared down at him. At first, he didn't look up or even acknowledge that she was in front of him. This riled her up even more. 

"Parker." Her voice leaden with anger. 

His head snapped up and he met her eyes. His eyes were dull and vacant of any emotion whatsoever. It was the most unnerving look she had ever seen. Her confidence shook, but did not fall. 

"You can't just pretend like I don't exist. Like we never even met." 

His mask of emptiness hardened ever so slightly. "I believe I can." His voice held no emotion. His words didn't sound like words; they were broken sounds. 

"Why did you just shut down on me? You can't just kiss me and then never speak to me again." Aspyn's eyes shone with unshed tears. 

"Why do you keep trying to talk to me? I'm pushing you away for a reason, Aspyn." Parker's mask faltered and she saw anger and sadness underneath. 

She sat down next to him and softened her tone. "I don't care about your past, Park. What you did, it doesn't scare me. I want you to... to be my friend." 

"You think you have me figured out. That I'm some damaged, depressed teenager with a dark past and you think you can 'save' me or help me or something like that. Well, that's not it at all, Aspyn. You're dead wrong if you think you can help me learn to live again because I'm already dead. I was dead the second my brother died, okay? Nothing in the world can erase what I did. Nothing in the world can bring him back. You don't even know what happened so how could you possibly think that you know me?" Parker jumped to his feet and waved his hands angrily at her as he was speaking. 

"Tell me what happened then! Help me understand why you won't let me in! Tell me why you won't forgive yourself!" Aspyn shouted at him as tears streamed down her face. 

Parker flinched as if she had hit him. "I killed him. Me. I did it. It was an accident, yes, but I'm the one responsible. He was only 10, Aspyn. Fucking 10 years old. I was supposed to be watching him, but as usual I was high. He was swimming and... and he started to drown. I watched him drown. I didn't even think about helping him. I watched him die. My... my dad he never forgave me. Jace was his favorite, always was. Dad beat me for a while after it happened. That's why my hands are so scarred." He said, holding up one of his scarred hands. "I had problems before that, though. I was always drunk or high, but after that I swore off alcohol and drugs. For Jace." 

Aspyn was at a loss for words. Her heart ached for Parker and Jace. She wanted nothing more than to take away these bad feelings from Parker. 

"Park, do you think Jace would want you to be living like this thoug-" She was cut off with Parker's harsh voice. 

"Don't give me that bullshit. Jace is dead. It doesn't matter what he wants anymore. The only thing that matters is that I'm alive and he's not." 

"Yes, you're alive. So, live. Don't barricade yourself up so that no one can get close to you." Aspyn's voice shook as she spoke. 

"You think that will solve anything?! Just because I let some stupid girl like you into my life doesn't mean everything is going to be all rainbows and unicorns!" He shouted as his fists balled up.