Estrangements (Phan AU)

Acid

adjective

       • sharp, tart, sour; bitter.

noun

       • a sour substance; (chemistry) a corrosive substance that turns litmus red; (slang) LSD. 

The nights get longer and the days get colder and it gets harder to hit Phil where he knows it will hurt him because, deep down, Dan's not the kind of person who likes to watch others suffer.

He's the kind of person who held his mother in arms she bruised purposely with her fists, rocking her back and forth until her sobs weren't so loud or so forceful. He's the kind of person who sat with her as she stared wistfully out the window, pretending it didn't hurt every time she refused to acknowledge that he was a good man worthy of being her son, deserving of her love and pride. He's the kind of person who gave a lost kid with no one else to turn to his only blanket and the socks off his feet, froze himself to hypothermia just so a stranger could keep warm.

He's the kind of person who let that lost kid turn to someone else without a fight, sent him off with a joke and words of encouragement despite the deep-rooted fear of abandonment he carries.

So it's hard, digging into Phil in an attempt to steer him away from Troye, but he has to. Because Dan is loyal and overprotective and both these traits far outweigh the kindness and empathy he feels.

At this point, though, he's pretty sure he's hurting himself just as much as he's hurting Phil.

Still, he can't bring himself to stop. He doesn't want coffee or an actual friend who isn't some snarky teenage kid and he especially doesn't want the trouble this guy and his incessant inquiries after Troye is looking to bring. 

He wants to sit here outside his park and hate the world, joint in hand and scowl on his face like he can ward away the encroaching winter with nothing but a spiteful glare. It's been this way for years, now, and he's never been fond of change.