Faking Reality- Jian

The Hunt- The Aftermath: J.C'S POV

Ever had a kiss from someone you really loved and all of sudden, it felt incredibly familiar and felt like home? I suppose that's how I could describe the kiss with Kian. A familiar sense of home and a familiar sense of something once lost and regained. But as the kiss ends and I am left with this feeling, I can see the tears falling slowly down his face, I know for him, this is different. I know for him that he thinks it's all his fault but to be honest, in a way it was and in a way it wasn't. Yes, him leaving me broken and without any answers and only a note as a final goodbye and a reminder led to the final fate of my life but also No because to be honest, it was my choice in the end and it was my choice to follow through with my decision. To be honest with you, I don't think Kian honestly really realized how much I actually honestly loved him until he saw me in the moment of the funerals lying next to him. I don't think he realized that I loved and still love him with my whole dam heart and I literally could not find a purpose or be J.C Caylen without him. And I don't think he realized how much he changed my life in the months I spent with him. He gave me a purpose. He was my smile. He was my sunshine and he was the person who I wanted to marry and to spend the rest of my life with because I knew that I would be able to grow and learn from him while being able to love him for the rest of my life and being able to hold him and call him mine. He honestly didn't realized how much he had and how much he still has and honestly, I think as I watch and hold him as he cries, he is realizing how much he had and how much he gave up. And I think finding me finally gave him that realization. And I think for me in this horrible place, I have found what I wanted and what I needed. And that was Kian no matter how broken he was. I still love him and nothing is gonna ever change that no matter how stupid we are. He is my love and he is my rock and life for me is not the same if Kian is not in it. So I suppose that was the reason I gave up. Because I finally got to the point that if Kian was not there, I had no reason and I had no purpose to carry on because Kian was my purpose and my reason to keep fighting and I suppose in all the time we spent together, he always was. And I know that's never going to change as long as we are both together and we never stop loving each other. And for me, that's the best gift and purpose I could ask for in a weird and horrible place like this.