Pieces of Forever

31 - MELISSA

I don't know what to say to all this, so I don't say anything. I bring my attention to the television, thinking about his ring.

"What's wrong?" Cameron asks me.

I look at him from the corner of my eyes. "Nothing. Just sitting here thinking. My back hurts a little from carrying that basket downstairs."

"You . . . Wh . . . " Cameron stumbles over his words a little. He lifts his eyebrows up in question. "You carried the basket downstairs?" He sits all the way up on the couch.

I nod my head a little. "Yeah, but it wasn't much. I'm just - - -" Before I can finish my sentence, he gets off the couch and takes off towards the basement. I smile to myself, knowing that he's trying to check on the ring.

Wondering how long he's been having that ring, I get up from the couch to follow him. By the time that I get to the basement steps, Cameron is running up the steps, looking as though he'd just ran a marathon.

"Are you good?" I lean against the door frame as he tries to catch his breath.

"I'm good. Baby, I have to get out of here and get my cousin. I'll pick something up for dinner." He gives me an easy smile. "You know, for all the hard work that you're doing with laundry." He kisses me on the cheek and walks pass me, stuffing something inside his jeans.

I watch him as he walks out the front door.

*****

The more that I think about the ring, the more that I wonder if I'm really ready for this. I married Jason, knowing damn well that I wasn't ready one hundred percent. The reason I married him was because I didn't want him to think that I didn't love him. We had gotten into a heated argument about putting our vows on hold. It sort of made him feel as though I didn't care enough to marry him. I felt like I had to do it, with us driving to Vegas and standing up to his parents, and my mom.

I sit on the edge of my bed, fingering my wedding band from Jason. I really don't know how he is doing. All I know is whatever he chooses to share on social media. What will he think about me getting married? Will he even have an opinion?

I know sooner or later that I will have to have this conversation with him, because we will have to get a divorce. This whole thing is a bit emotional, because Jason will always be considered my first real taste of love. Unwanted tears instantly come to my eyes, and I curse silently. I wipe my tears, hating that after everything Cameron and I are trying to build that I can still sit here and cry over the thought that it will finally be over between Jason and I. I think the thing that makes the pain hard to deal with is the fact that a divorce is so final. After asking him for a divorce, I will have no reason to talk with him.

More tears well up in my eyes, thinking about all that we went through. I hurt him and he hurt me, but I loved me some him. I wonder if he's the same person that he was when he came into this relationship. I wonder if I changed him at all. I wonder if Ashlee is treating him like he deserves to be treated. The way that I didn't. A sob rises from my throat, and I finally let my tears fall down my cheeks. This confirms one thing. I'm not ready to marry Cameron. I want to be with Cameron, and I will be faithful to him, but I'm far from being ready to take a ring from him.

I pick my phone up to call Kerri up, needing some type of advice.

"Hey, baby." She sounds a bit tired, answering the phone. "How are you and your little fetus?"

I crack a smile at her asking about my baby. "You know, most will ask how the baby is doing?"

"Didn't I just ask that?" She chuckles a little, being silly. "For real, what's going on with my future god baby?"

"We're good. I can't wait for it to be over." I admit. "How are you?"

"Planning for this party that's coming up." She says in a dull voice. "It's going to be a beach party. Terrance wants to invite all these hoes and ish." I can hear in her voice that she doesn't like this idea.

"Are you and him still good?"

"He is still maturing, but . . . Girl, I don't know. He doesn't understand that you can not invite someone you used to fuck with at a party to celebrate our engagement. He doesn't get that, that is disrespectful to me. We've been going back and forth about it. He thinks that I'm over reacting, because I told him that I will call this whole thing off, if I see one ex slut bucket of his."

"The whole wedding?" I ask in disbelief.

"Yes. Mel, I feel like I'm competing for him. I shouldn't feel that way. I'm the bride to be. I shouldn't feel inadequate at my own party. Fuck that."

I nod my head in understanding. Suddenly, my problems are miles away. "Well, I really hope that he gets it together."

"He better. You want to call him and tell him that? Asshole."

I stand up and walk over to my jewelry box to put my chain back in it. "So, I think that Cameron is going to propose to me." I say, carefully, unsure about how she will respond. I know that she doesn't like Cameron, and she would rather me be back with Jason. I hold my breath as I wait for her response, which seems like an eternity.

"What? Girl, I think my phone acting up. Hold on."

I bite my bottom lip as I hear something going on in her background and her pushing a couple buttons.

"Okay, I'm back. What's up?"

"You heard me, Kerri." I'm not going to repeat my words to her. "I found a ring in his jeans. I think . . . He's ready."

There's a long pause on her end. Leaning against my dresser, I can hear her breathing faintly. "What is your answer?" She asks in a quiet voice. I can almost hear the fear in her voice.

"Do me a favor? Can you tell Jason that I'm ready for a divorce? I just don't feel comfortable with contacting him, after everything. I figure that we can just get some papers drawn up and meet up to sign and agree that this is what we want, a divorce." I continue to talk, hoping to interrupt anything that she might say. "So, um, just let him know that it's time. You don't have to tell him about Cameron, because ---"

"Are you going to say yes?" She asks, incredulously.

"No, I . . . I don't know. I'm trying to decide. I need to think."

"And don't you think that you need to think about not getting a divorce, while you're thinking about it?"

"No." I answer a little too fast. "It's just that, that part of my life is over. Regardless if Cameron and I get married, we will be together. We're having a baby, and we're a family." I say matter of factly.

"Am I the only one that still gets that this could be Jason's baby?"

I roll my eyes at her words. Because I don't want to start an argument with her, I make the decision to get off the phone. "Well, please pass the message to Jason. I have to go. Love you."

"Mel ---"

I end the call, before she can finish her sentence. I knew she would be against me divorcing Jason.