In My Dark Times - The Deal With The Demon

Chapter Thirty-Nine

My eyes were becoming full again at the thought of him giving himself away to people because he needed to be accepted, even if it was for just mere moments. Harry craved it. He needed it. Suddenly, a lot of his fake facade he had built made sense... it all made sense.

And it was all because of Darren.

Harry put out the joint, rubbing his eyes softly. I really was at a loss for words now. Now that the reasoning behind Harry losing who he really was made sense, it only made this whole situation hurt worse.

And he had picked me... he had picked me to stand beside him through this, even though he felt like he didn't deserve me.

How did I make him see clearly that he deserved everything? He had come a good ways, it felt like. But now, it felt like he had just taken 3 steps back again.

He was always moving forward, then being pulled back into it. How did he or I break this circle, this never ending cycle?

I knew how. Zayn knew how. But Harry... Harry didn't want that. Harry didn't want me or his best friend doing something like that.

"Harry," I whispered to him, causing his eyes to finally meet mine. I couldn't take the silence any longer. "I love you. Alright? I love you. And I'm still here..."

He stared back at me, his face changing... he tried to nod a little as he wiped his eyes once more, "I love you, too."

I pulled him to me, holding him gently in my arms while his head lay against mine, his breath against my ear.

I closed my eyes, breathing in the scent of his damp curls. I'd never get used to holding this body against mine; and I never wanted to have to go without it.

As crazy as it sounded, everything that Harry was going through only made me want to fight for him more... because I had come to know who Harry Styles really was... and he was this beautiful, incredible, gentle soul in my arms. He wouldn't hurt anyone... he constantly was kind and he had a real heart of gold. He was so many brilliant things mixed into one... only when he was himself. And I saw that side... I saw it in Doncaster with my family. I saw it when he smiled at me that day we played football in my mum's backyard. I saw, then, what he was really like. I saw it in the way he held me, in the way he laughed at me... I saw it when he looked at me. I saw it when I made love to him the very first time.

I had watched him break so many times now and I had gotten to see the other real side of him... I described that side as the wound that refused to heal. That's basically what it was. It was a wound that would continuously bleed until he found a way to make it stop.

Harry let me go, his fingers on his eyes. His eyes closed again and he cried more. I watched him closely as he finally spoke again.

"Louis, I'm sorry," he started slowly, his voice cracking as he sniffed, "I... I saw him that night... the morning I was sick and you asked why... I met him the night before..."

I stood still watching him, not expecting to hear those words at all.

"You what?"

He pushed his hair back, "yeah... this is who you're giving your life to... someone who can't stop doing something he never should've started doing... don't you get it, yet?"

I stared at him, my mind lost between anger and overwhelming pain; I didn't know how to even respond to this. How could he?

"Why... why would you?" Was all that made it out of my mouth as I kept my eyes on him, "how... how could you fucking do that... how could you meet him after... after all of that?"

He didn't say anything... he lit the joint again, his tears still flowing.

My own were about to escape as I stared at this person... this person I was fighting so hard for; and he had just admitted that he willingly saw the bastard that had ruined him... how did he expect me to cope with that?