Distance // Draco Malfoy

Chapter 63

'Finally, the holidays are here!' Ron yawns, glancing Hermione, who is sitting at the other end if the Gryffindor table, and has not spoken to, even so much as addressed Ron, since he began to see Lavender. 'Look who's coming to say goodbye.' Harry mutters in the general direction of Ron, not attempting to keep his voice down, and I spin around to see Draco walking towards us, looking solemn, and I grin at him, a grin which he does not return. 'Can I talk to you for a minute?' He asks me quietly, and I nod, rising from my seat as I do so, following him from the Great Hall, away from the inquisitive looks of Harry and Ron. Draco leads us out onto the green, and I quicken my pace so as to catch up with him. 'So, what's up?' I ask cheerfully, watching his face, which is stony in expression, knowing that something most certainly is not correct with him.

'Have you ever had serious issues with, like, personal life and shit?' He asks abruptly.
'Uh, yeah, when my parents got divorced, and when my sister had her accident. Why?'
'Just wondering.' He murmurs, not looking directly at me. I nod my head very slowly, yet as I turn to look away, he turns my face to his, so I must look at him directly. Draco takes a very deep breath and exhales slowly, closing his eyes momentarily. 'You see, I'm kind of in one of those dilemmas at the moment.'
'What do you mean? Do you want to talk about it?' I ask him gently, yet he shakes his head. 'No. I . . . I can't word it.' Draco is silent a moment. 'Anyways, I'm having to make sacrifices. Some I want to make, and some I really don't want to.'
'Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?' I ask him, putting my hand out, but he loses eye contact with me. 'I really don't. Look, sometimes it doesn't matter what it is, whether it's giving you the best thing in the world, and you have to let it go. Some things work like that.'

'I know. And it's very hard to give things up, Draco. I gave up my life in one house with no choice, I know how it feels, baby, but -'
'Jesus, don't you get it?!' He snaps, throwing his hands up, and I feel myself freeze, refrain from touching his arm, as I planned to do so. 'Come on, Alyssia, I thought you were smart!'
'I - I don't understand.' I feel my eyebrows furrow and my mouth turn to a frown. I know he is constantly confusing me, but I am unsure of what he means by telling me any of this. 'I'm breaking up with you.'

It feels like I have walked straight into a wall of ice, my nose broken and my body made fragile by the freezing temperatures; my insides cold and icy, my emotions frozen in the moments of cold. I stare blankly at Draco for a long minute. 'What?'
'You heard me.' He mutters, not looking at me. I try to compose myself, swallow the lump that is currently forming in my throat. 'And could I ask why?' I whisper, trying to think of the problems that I could have caused between us both, my mind whirring nevertheless. 'I don't - I don't think that that is a good idea.' Draco replies, staring at me. I feel my eyes begin to swim with tears of equal sadness and anger. 'I think I have right to know exactly why. We have been seeing each other since third year, and you don't say you love someone as much as you claim to have loved me and leave them with no explanation, that is not how it works.' My voice trembles as it leaves my body, and I shake from head to foot. 'I - no.'
'Tell me!' I shout, my hands pulling in my hair suddenly. Anything to take the pain away from inside. 'I'm in love with someone else!' Draco replies, also screaming. I stop cold.

'What?' I whisper, my knees going weak. 'You - you're in love with someone else?'
'Yes.' Draco sighs, his breaths deep. My insides go beyond numb, so numb I can't feel anything, and all that is there is my stomach churning, whirring like I am on a waltzer. 'Who?' I ask him, yet he hesitates. 'Who is it, Draco? I'm sorry, but I need to know.' I whisper, only just realising that tears are silently falling down my face, only just having it hit me with all its might. 'Alyssia -'
'No, tell me. Please.' I beg him, shaking so violently I am surprised that I still have sufficient balance within me. Draco moves his mouth, but no words come out for a while, and I watch him carefully, patiently. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, before speaking, 'Ingrid. I'm in love with Ingrid, Alyssia.'

'In-Ingrid?' I stutter, holding back a sob.
'Yes. Yes, Ingrid.'
'Okay.' It's not okay, is what I intend to say. I speak so quietly that I don't think Draco hears me. He stands and observes me for another lengthy period of time, watches me cry silently, dig my nails deep into my skin. 'Just go.' I speak, not looking up. 'Go, now.'
'I'm -'
'Just leave, Draco. You don't need to be here anymore.' The braver I sound, the better this will go. I hear a sigh and footsteps walking away from me, and when I look up, Draco is slowly making his way back toward the castle.

I let out a loud sob and realise that I am slowly sinking to my knees, which are soaking in the snow already. I don't care. My whole world, all I loved, just died on me, faded away, and left me crushed, in darkness. And with hardly an explanation either. I must stay like this for a rather long period of time, huddled on the grass, crying, feeling as if part of my soul has just died on me, like part of my being has been removed from myself.

It is soon after I realise that I must have been here for approaching an hour when I see the bushy hair of Hermione making its way down the steps, clearly scanning the grounds. After a minute or so, she begins to head in my general direction, and I place my hands to my face, and try to control my drastic sobs. 'Oh my God, Alyssia. What's wrong?' Hermione gasps, and I look up, watching her sink to her knees beside me and throw both of her arms around me. 'He - he -' I let out a loud wail of despair, before taking a deep breath, 'he doesn't l-love me no more. He b-broke up wit-th me.' I sob, and Hermione pulls me ever closer. 'What? What are you talking about?' Hermione breaths as I sob into her chest. 'Draco. He's in l-love with Ingrid-d, and he b-broke up with me, because he is - is in love with her.' I wail.
'Oh, Alyssia. I'm so sorry.' Hermione whispers into my hair, kissing my forehead. 'I really am.' I know that she is. Slowly, Hermione helps me up, and, together, we begin to start towards the castle, me feeling beyond gloomy. I can't control who he falls in love with, I can't do that. But that can't make it hurt any less. Because it's fucking painful, and it hurts like hell.