Got Til' Its Gone

VI.| jade's truth.

- October 1996

For the past month Quincy and I have been talking on the low-key. Not messing around, because we don't do anything but talk. He calls every night when he's not busy, but other than school we don't see each other, and I would very much like to keep it that way. "Hey Jay." My brother Steven speaks as I walk through the door. "Hey Steven." I speak back , tired and ready to lay down. "Your dad called."
He got off of the couch and followed me to my room. "What did he say?" I asked unbuttoning my work shirt. "He said that he's coming to visit you soon, he wants you to meet his wife and his kids and he wants you to call him" he stood in the doorway. I nodded and continued to put my work clothes away.  "Just before you walked in, somebody else called to. Well two people." He said the last part kind of low and snapped my head to look at him. "Who?" I said becoming more interested. "Quincy called, said he had something to talk to you about and uh.." He paused and looked up at me in sincerity. "Who else Steven damn, I'm tired." I said rolling my eyes. "Kevin." He said low, but loud enough for me to hear and sent this." He said throwing an envelope on my bed. I froze at the sound of his name. I hadn't heard his voice in 7 months and I didn't want to hear it. "Jay you okay?" He  walks in my direction and gives me a hug. "He's not supposed to talk to me." I said looking down at my feet. "Do you want me to call the police?" He asks rubbing my hair. "J-just let me read the letter first and I'll take it to them tomorrow." I took a deep breath. I grab my clothes off of my bed and walk away to get in the shower. I turn the water up as hot as it goes and stood in the shower letting the water hit my skin. I throw my head back on the shower wall and just stand there for a bit, the shower relaxes me. I grab my 'Beautiful Day' by Bath & Body Works  shower gel and start to rub it on my bathing sponge. I bathe about three times and get out because I don't feel standing here anymore. I turn off the water and grab my robe off of the door. Our house has two bathrooms, I just walk out and go in my room. I lay down and get comfortable, so I can read Kevin's letter. I opened it up and it read:

Jade,
Ashley told me that you're back at Central. Did you think I wasn't going to find out? Anyway, I'm not worried about your ass anymore because you're the reason I'm in here in the first place. You a fake bitch, you were supposed to be down for me and you weren't that's why you got what you deserved. I still don't believe your ass and I never will.
Love Kevin.

I'm definitely taking this to police. I fold the letter up, put it in my nightstand and turn around to try to sleep. I was tired when I got home, but now I'm wide awake. His letter kind of scared me, I'm trying not to act like it's not bothering me, but it is. Even though, he can't get to me himself, he could get somebody who could. For three years I was his girl, I've witnessed first hand what he did to people who crossed him. My thoughts become interrupted by my phone ringing. "Hello?" I answer in a low sleepy voice. "What you doing up this late?"  Quincy asks in a low sleepy voice. "I can't sleep." I said taking a deep breath. "Me either." He agrees, we then become silent just holding the phone. "Can I come see you?" He asks breaking the silence. "Uh..sure." I respond taking a pause. "You know where I live right?" I ask through a yawn. "Ain't you right at the end of the street?" He asks in that same sleepy voice. "Yeah." I laugh.  "I'll be there in 10 minutes." He said hanging up the phone. I hurry out of the bed, so I could put on some clothes. I put on a tee-shirt , with some spandex shorts. I laid back down and wait for him to knock on the door. I'm real nervous about him being on his way over here. I haven't been alone with a dude, since Kevin and I broke up. Finally I heard his knock on the door.  "Who is it?" I ask looking out of the peephole to make sure. "It's Q." He laughs. I open the door and let him and he looks me up and down. "What?" I ask rolling my eyes. "Nothing slim, you just fine." He laughs. I start to walk to my room and he follows. We both entered my room and he sat down on my bed. "What you wanna do?" I ask sitting next to him on the bed. "Nothing, I just wanna talk." He asks pulling me close to him. I lay down facing him, but we're not touching. "How was ya day slim?" He asks rubbing my face. "It was okay, I went to work and I gotta letter from Kevin." I said taking a deep breath. "KD wrote you?" He asks sitting up on the bed. "Yeah, I'm gonna take the letter to the police tomorrow." I exhale. "Why?" He made a confused face. "He's not supposed to have any contact with me. Court order says so." I said scooting a little closer to him. You would think that it would be weird for me to be laying next to him right now, but I'm so comfortable. I hand him the letter so that he could read it. After he starts to read, his whole facial changes. "What happened between you and him slim?" He asks pulling me closer to him. I lay my head on his chest and tuck my head so that he can't see my face. This is a sensitive subject for me , so I know that I'll tear up.
"Well, a lot of Kevin's money started coming up short after his drops, so he asked me if I could start keeping track of it for him. You know running numbers and things like that. I started to notice, that his so called boys were stealing from him. I mentioned it to him, but of course he didn't want to believe it. Anyway, weeks later I caught him with Ashley once again and I told him I was done. However, because we were breaking up I told him I was gonna do his numbers anymore." I said taking a deep breath, because the tears were coming. "He got really upset and he slapped me. I should have known something was up then. One of his friends told him that I was the one stealing and not them. Of course he believed them because he knew them longer. I told him they were lying and that I would never steal from him because I didn't need to. So he let me go and the next week, he called me all humble and apologetic telling me that he loved me and he wanted me back. You know all that bullshit about how he was done with Ashley and he needed me." I stopped because I couldn't hold my tears any longer. "I'm listening." He said rubbing my back as I continued. "Of course I believed him, I loved him so I believed him. He said we were going on a date and he came to get me, but when we got in the car he took me to his house. He said that he had forgotten something and asked me to come inside." I paused again because this is the hard part. I haven't talked about this since court. I basically hid it in the back of my mind until tonight. "He attacked me, beat me half to death screaming "you wanna steal from me, I'll show you bitch I'll show you." He punched me, kicked me stomped me, pulled my hair and I couldn't even speak. When he was done beating me he let all his friends do whatever they wanted to me. I was unconscious after that, so I don't know who did what. I just..." I started sobbing. "It's okay, it's okay. I'm here , I'm here." He put his arms around me rocking back and forth. "You ain't got to finish if you don't want to ma, it ain't that important." He said rubbing my back. "No, I have to get this out." I sniffled. "I just know that somebody raped me, because I got pregnant, but I got an abortion because I knew I wasn't ready for a baby, a baby who I didn't know who fathered. After they were done they left me on my grandmother's porch. Two weeks later the police contacted me and told me that they were doing and investigation on Kevin and if I could give them any information. I told them everything, so he found out that I have them the information. He said that he would kill me and my grandmother. So we had to go into hiding, until they locked his ass up. I was miserable. I couldn't go anywhere, I couldn't talk to anyone , I was so depressed, and I hated it." I said wrapping my arms tighter around him. "So that's why you left?" He asks holding me tighter. I nodded my head. "It's okay, I'm glad you ain't gotta deal with that no more." He said lifting my head. He pulled my face closer to his and pecked my lips. I kissed back, biting his bottom lip. He hovered over me kissing me deeper. He spread my legs apart with his knee and got between them still kissing me. He rubbed his hand down my stomach until he reached my panties , he tugged at them, but I stopped him. I took a deep breath. "Quincy wait, I'm not ready for this yet. I like what we have now. Sex changes everything. That change could be good or bad, but I'm not ready for a change yet." I said grabbing his hand. "I respect that slim. We can just lay here." He says laying his head on my chest. "Thank you for being understanding. " I said pecking his lips one last time.

Quincy and I aren't together, but I love what we have.

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