Dear Diary || Kim Jongdae

|Page 16|

12/12/15

Dear diary,

I have mixed feelings right now.

I just came back from the Blizzard show and I had to write something down because... I just need to rant. So, this is gonna be a long one.

The week was done, exams are done, school is finally over for break for me. Then came the Blizzard Show. Minseok, Kyungsoo, and I had met each other after our last exams and went over to the pavilion where the performances will be held. It was much more extravagant than last year. They played music in the speakers, food trucks were parked at the curb for hungry students (and trust me, there are always hungry students), and were selling customized Blizzard shirts at a reasonable price. I was super hyped, I had prepared my vocal chords for some intense screeching today.

We were there a little early, so we were hoping to visit Jongin and Taemin before the show to wish them good luck. So we walked into the building behind the set up stage where all the performers are getting ready in. They were the second door to the right so they weren't hard to find. But as we were greeting the two, I heard familiar voices in the room beside us. So I left the boys on their own.

It just so happened that the room over was Jongdae's with his band. How did I know? I saw Chanyeol and Baekhyun talking right outside. I greeted them as I would, since we've gotten better acquainted. I asked the two about Jongdae and they shared glances.

They told me that him and Wendy were arguing inside their room. I have no idea what they would be arguing about but it gave me an uneasy feeling.

Before I knew it, Wendy rushed out the room, her eyes red and puffy. I was in shock. The two of us have gotten better acquainted too, but I wasn't sure how to act. So I asked her if she were okay. She told me that she was fine with a forced smile. She then asked me if I wanted to watch the show with her and her friends.

I don't know why, but I had agreed to it. I wanted to console her in some way, I guess me agreeing was my way to show her that I'm there for her.

After that, I just told Chanyeol and Baekhyun good luck and to relay the message to Jongdae before I went back to my own group.

Now, I'll just skip over to the actual show. I managed to find Wendy and we stood alongside each other while I still had Kyungsoo and Minseok with me. Wendy introduced me to her friends, Seulgi, Irene, Yeri, and Joy, who all looked nice.

Anyway, the show started. Whatever happened before was pushed to the back of my mind, and I cheered for every performance, genuinely impressed by how professional they all seemed. And when Jongin and Taemin came on stage, Kyungsoo and oppa was trying to calm me since I was basically screaming the whole time. But THEY WERE SO GOOD. IF NO ONE SCOUTS THEM AFTER THIS, THEN I WILL PERSONALLY GO TO THE RECRUITERS' HOUSES AND MAKE THEM REALIZE. Jongin and Taemin danced so, yes I'll admit, sexily. By the end of their performance, I bet a lot of girls swooned as I did. Even Wendy and her friends gushed to me how great they danced and asked if I could introduced the boys to them.

But ohoho, that's not it! Jongdae, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun were right after them. Chanyeol was at the drums, Baekhyun at the piano, and Jongdae with the main mic. While Baek and Chan held smiles, Jongdae held another expression. He didn't look as happy.

His eyes then met mine... Well, I think it did. He could've been looking at Wendy. But I felt that intense stare in my soul.

They then performed an original song. I was frozen in awe, because all of them were just amazing. Even when all three of them sang in harmony, I swear my heart melted.

But Jongdae's eyes were still on me... Or Wendy. I had to look over at her to see her reaction. She had on a smile, tears glistening in her eyes, but I'm sure out of happiness.

Of course he's singing to her. Jongdae probably wanted to sing this song for her.

Was I crazy to hope that he was singing for me? I still hope he was because I'm not going to ever forget the way I felt the butterflies in my stomach and how my heart skipped a beat.

Kim Jongdae is slowly killing me and it's not fair.