T H E M A I D<> J G

thirty seven

CAN'T GET OVER THIS. SUCH AN AMAZING FEELING. THEY WERE SO COOL AND LAID BACK AND GENUINELY THE BEST.

JOHNSON WAS A LIL TOUCHY BUT I LOVED IT LOLOL LOML

I CRIED BUT UNFORTUNATELY THEY WOULDN'T LET ME RECORD. I EVEN TRIED TO SNEAK AND AT LEAST SEND YOU ONE OF THEM SAYING HI BUT I ALMOST GOT IN TROUBLE AND SENT OUT.

I'M SO SORRY LOVES, BUT I'LL TRY TO MEET THEM AT THE AIRPORT

LOVE YOU ALL

+

I wasn't really expecting my time with Cole to be as comfortable and warm as it was.

Not even when he said this,

"Have you ever been in love, Rose?" He turned his head toward me, my hands bringing the alcohol to my lips.

I was hammered.

As much as I wanted to cower away from the question and resist but my drunk state of mind. My brutally honest, my inability to lie.

"Fuck love" the words fell so easily from my lips.

I meant what I said, well, I think.

Whatever I've felt toward Jack, fuck it.

I want nothing to do with him nor do I wish to go back.

I want my mind to drift away from the thought of him forever, and I want my heart to follow.

Cole laughed and shook his head, "Why? Love is beautiful. It's a wondrous thing really" he shrugged.

"But I know everyone's experience with it is different" he went on. "Do you miss America?"

"Please continue" I interrupted, if I couldn't get love, I'd at least like to hear about it.

"About love?" He questioned, I nodded as he smiled, nodding.

"If love were a woman, she'd be glorious. The most beautiful and mesmerizing woman you would ever lay eyes on. Love isn't something you can determine, it'll find you. Love is a blind faith, you can only hope it works. Love is a purifying feeling, it cleanses your mind and releases your worries. Even the slightest form of love is so capturing" the way his eyes lit up when he spoke, the way he was so passionate about what he was preaching to me.

"Love is like living on cloud, it's so soft, so uplifting but it could all go away. It could fade away in a slow fog, a mist. It's not all roses and daisies though, love can be ruthless and hurtful, torturing and painful-"

"Why would you want to go through all that just for love?" I interrupted.

"Because Rose, once you have love. You have it all, no money, no fame can compare to love. It's a feeling of bliss that captures you. It makes you feel whole. It might not be clear, but you'll know. It makes you stay up at night smiling at memories, it makes you sit at home and cry, it makes you the happiest person alive. Your only job is, to make sure he's the right one"

"Have you been in love before?" I asked, looking out at the dark sky as other yachts passed.

He smiled to himself nodding, "Deeply"

"I couldn't take the pain"

+

Jack Gilinsky

Three minutes turned into three hours, three hours turned into three days.

It's been killing me to know Rose is gone.

I don't know where she is, but I hope she's happy. I went to Dylan's to talk to her but he cursed me out and told me she left.

I've been so anxious to find out where and ultimately if I can get her to understand why I did what I did.

I broke her heart to save her from the physical pain of what my life would bring her. I broke her heart so no one would break her. I broke her heart so she could find someone better, someone different.

I broke her heart so she could move on.

But mostly, I broke her heart because I can't have her.

I know what will happen to her if I bring her into my lifestyle.

I wouldn't be able to deal with the guilt of her blood on my hands.

Another reason why I broke her heart.

I'm scared.

I'm a coward.

I'm an asshole.

I'm selfish.

I want her, I want her bad but I know once she gets a glimpse at what it takes to be with me she'll leave.

She'll break my heart.

She'll break my heart because I'm not enough, she'll break my heart because it's all too much.

She'll leave me high and dry, stuck, alone, like I always am.

People who are out to get me will use her as my weakness, for her I will fall to my knees, pleading.

But then again I think about who I am

Jack Gilinsky, the most murderous and fearless cartel leader in New York.

But all my pride vanishes, all my strength weakens at the mention of her.

I know she won't want me anymore, just like the rest of them.

"Rose Annalise" I muttered to myself, a breathless chuckle escaping my lips.

"I'll find you"

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HEY GUYYZZ

SO I'M ON A DIET NOW, WELL NOT A DIET. I JUST CAN'T EAT RED MEAT OR PORK, OR ANYTHING UNHEALTHY.