Saved by a Text {under major editing}

53

February 10th

I've missed school.

Stupid I know.

Over a boy.

But I don't care right now.

I wanna leave and go home. But I still care for Chandler. If I leave and were not friends then he's not gonna make it.
That was the deal.
I'm his fucking medicine.

My heart was just aching. All the time. All day.
I felt tired all of the time. Still do.
All I do is lay in bed, go on my phone, watch romance and sad movies on Netflix.
And eat.
At least I eat?

Chandler looks terrible.
He looks like he had lost someone that he was so close too that died in the worst way. Like suicide.
He looked like that happened to him.
Like that he had lost someone so so so close to him.
Baggy eyes, so skinny and small, redness all over his face, sadness.

He walked passed my door every morning and afternoon.
He'd look at me then look the other way.
That's the only time I saw him.
Once I saw that his car was gone I'd go downstairs and get breakfast.

I actually stayed down there this morning because Megan was on the phone with the school.
"Sams sick. Just send her work home with Chandler and it'll be fine she'll be back soon..." She said.
"Thank you." She sighed then hung up and looked at me.
"You have to go back sometime." She said.

"I can't. Everyones gonna give me crap to deal with. Plus I have no one else besides him." I said.
"I just wanna go back home but I can't." I said.
"Because you care too much?" She asked.
I nodded.
"He's just a teenage boy Sam. He's figuring crap out. The way he feels, what he wants, whatever. But he doesn't think about your feelings while all of it is happening." She said.

I sighed as I looked at my hands.
"You do whatever your heart tells you to do. But just to let you know...this is gonna happen more than once because boys will be boys." She said.
"Thank you." I smiled softly.
She nodded as she walked into the living room and started to pick up.
I finished eating then went back upstairs.

I sighed and sat against my bed.
"Boys are stressful." I said softly so only I could hear.
I had no clue what I wanted to do.

I wanted Chandler.

As a forever boyfriend.

His hugs, kisses, the way he cares, his smile, his laugh, his voice, his nose, his body, HIM.
I loved it all.

But

He broke my heart with Brianna from that stupid cruise.
Crushing on her while we were apart.
He said sorry and I forgave him.
Then he did it again but worse.
He kissed a girl even though he loved me.

I get it.

Stupid guy hormones.

But if he cared about me like he says, he wouldn't have kissed her back.
He would've told her to fuck off then he would go back to class.
But no.
He kissed her back.

I either go with the love I have for him and take the guy back or dump him and let him go.

I just had no idea what the hell I wanted or needed to do.