A Two World Life

One Year Of Trying

  The next morning me and Rohan packed up leaving for Paris. I know, its such a cliche honeymoon but Paris has always been the first on my travelling list although the same wouldn't go for my honeymoon list. My perfect city would be LA. I would want to get drunk with the husband just enough to get us flowing and buzzed. Then come back to our luxury bedroom on top of the world and go wild and stare at the beauty of the night cuddling. 

Of course, that wasn't what happened in Paris. Rohan kept going all lover boy on me- roses, new dress, chocolates...you get the idea. He even kissed me once we sat by the Eiffel tower enjoying its display at night. The day we were supposed to leave, I didn't want to go. Besides the fact that I wasn't having fun on the bed, I was having fun seeing Paris. My heart felt like it couldn't find a better place to feel more peaceful. The morning french vanilla coffee in the local street cafe, the evening strolls, as much as I hate to admit it, site touring--all of this was getting to me. But there was something about Paris that made my heart flutter in joy, I felt as if I should leave my heart here to feel wild. I will never know what kind of magic that place held. On our way to the airport, I was trying to take in everything I could. From the street posts, to the exuberant clothing I couldn't get myself to not stare. The traffic was slow, so I had time to let Paris air soak into me. I closed my eyes as I opened the cab window and inhaled as I opened them. On the sidewalk, I saw someone really familiar walking away. He just passed me, but I could recognize his face even if I was running with a pack of wolves chasing me. Cal...I thought softly to my self. Inside me head, a war began. Call his name out! No Rohan is here! Tell the driver to move faster! Do something! NO, Rohan will drop me. 

I decided to stare at his figure walk by. He was dressed and looked rather posh in his suit and satchel. Even though, I could only see a side of his face, it was with a slight stubble that only he could pull off. I pulled my window back and and resorted to resting my head as Rohan pulled my onto his shoulder. 

We moved into our new apartment right after and went about work and business as usual. We still had our dates and continued to hang around. Sometimes alone, sometimes with friends. Nisha gave me the mason jar, that currently stood on the lamp table by our couch in the living room. Every morning, I kiss it and leave the house. 

It was soon our one year anniversary and Rohan planned out a quiet party among us two. He brought me a new saree that I decided to wear that night to make him happy. I still haven't had sex with him, and he is still patient with me. He never once asked me about it in the year we lived together. We have kissed numerous times, but never even made out. I felt bad for putting him through that situation. I decided tonight, I will try with him. I will start the kiss for a change and see if it'll make my heart adapt to Rohan's heartbeats. It was almost eight at night and Rohan still wasn't home. I wasn't sure what happened. Actually, he went on a trip to India because his dad's business was having a slight problem but he told me he would be arriving home by five today but I have yet to get a call from him. I called his phone, but it wasn't ringing. 

I stayed on the couch without touching the various dishes I prepared waiting for him. I may not love him as much as I loved Cal, but I still care about him and maybe his happiness is not the first on my list but recently I've been feeling guilty just like Cal predicted. So, I decided to take Cal's word and start fresh with Rohan once again. 

But he never did show up that night. I realized I fell asleep when I heard my door bell being rung multiple times. When I ran, I tripped but managed to get up in the saree. I saw my brother's frantic face when I opened the door. He was standing with Ramesh and Nandini, who were in tears.

"What happened? Is everything ok? Come in," But they didn't budge. Ram took me into a tight hug and cried like there was no tomorrow. "Ram..." I pushed him away giving him a confused look.

"Ro-Rohan is gone Trisha" I stood at the door trying not to believe what was happening. When I stood there, completely mute my brother started shaking me.

"No, no, no...don't do that. Respond. Say something." He tried so hard, but I couldn't even speak. 

Rohan was dead.

God never gave me anything I wanted. Never.

My hands came back up to my face and I cried like there was no tomorrow. I didn't even know where they were taking me until I realized it was a house I never saw. Rohan's body was laying right in the middle of it. I couldn't help as I cried even more. I ran to him and started pounding his chest,

"WHY? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME NOW?! I LOVE YOU DAMN IT. WAKE UP! WAKE UP!" 

People were trying to pull me away from him, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't even see his face, half of it was covered with bandages. 

The whole funeral took ten days. People went through hell to get me to eat or talk. I loved him like there was no tomorrow. I was just starting to fall for his crappy pick up lines, cheesy jokes, and charming personality and it was as it God didn't want him to be there for me. 

I later learned he missed his plane and booked the next one, but on his way to the airport he got hit by a truck and was spot-dead. 

His mother blamed it all on me, she said I was bad luck from day one. I couldn't speak to her, and neither could my parents. I didn't know what to do after Rohan, but I knew life would go on with or without him. I have to stay strong.

No matter who might suggest a second marriage, I already decided not to do it. I am not sleeping with a stranger on the same bed. Rohan made me feel safe and made sure I was happy. He even started making me forget Caleb for sometime now. I thought just maybe Rohan might've been the color shaded by the darkness. And now he is gone. And Caleb is gone. And my life is also gone into the depth of darkness only I could understand. 

My parents wanted me to move in with them, but I refused and told them my brother will stay with me to look after me and they can go home to India. I have been hard on my brother, too. He was a teenager and deserved whatever fun he can have, but Rohan happened. Rohan would always visit him without telling me and they both bonded like brothers. 

Rohan.

Rohan. ROHAN.

ROHAN. ROHAN. ROHAN.

I couldn't forget him. I tried doing an extra job, trying to tutor my brother, trying to fill up my time one way or the other, but I would always have to excuse myself when I felt like breaking down. Once Rohan's mom came to peace, she visited me and we both cried over our beloved baby. Ram always visited constantly and my parents spoke to me over Skype everyday. 

This went on for a year before things got back to normal. I had saved up a quite a bit of money and seems like Rohan also gave me a lot of money. I could've went through college three times with that kind of money. I paid off my brother's tuition with the money I made and used Rohan's to try for a university in London to do my Masters. There was a place that hired me close by, so I decided perhaps it is time to move on. 

And that is how I had all my family members at the JFK airport waving me off. Finally, my brother will deserve the freedom he craved. Finally, my parents will be at a peace of mind. And finally my in-laws would feel a bit lightened at the thought their daughter will be moving on.