You & I (Niam Horayne)

Love And In Love

Chapter 39:

NIALL

I was surprised that things were going so well. Loving someone was amazing when everything was okay, but now I had to head home. To be honest, I've been avoiding my mum the best I could. After school I would go sit by the waterfall and just think about that amazing night with Liam there. It always made me feel better, and I knew things would be okay. But when night came, I had to go home.

I sighed, putting my hand on the door knob and then opening it. I was trying to be quiet, hoping my mum was laying down in her room, or sleeping if I was lucky. But this time around, I wasn't lucky at all.

I walked into the house and froze as my mum called out my name. "Niall? Is that you?" She walked into the entryway and I could feel the tension between the both of us. "Why have you been coming home so late? Is it because of Liam because if he's a bad influence on you then-"

"No, mum! He's not a bad influence at all, okay? He's sweet and shy and awkward and adorable. He would never do anything that would get me into trouble." I said, immediately defending Liam.

"Then what's the reason why you hardly come home anymore except for when I'm not here?" She asked. Well damn. I couldn't just straight up tell her that I was avoiding her. But what was the point of lying? I didn't want to hurt her, but she needed to know.

"I come home when you're not awake because I know that if you are you'll end up lecturing me about what love is when you don't even truly know yourself." I said. She looked a bit taken back by that, and I could tell it affected her, but I wasn't done yet. If I said that, might as well let it all out.

"You actually sat there and told me that Liam didn't love me and that I didn't love him. You actually looked at me and said that he was probably using me! Do you have any idea how much that hurts to think about?" Her face filled with guilt, but that didn't worry me right now.

"Mum, I'm already terrified of love because the two people I thought were so loved up and happy weren't!" I yelled, and that was when she snapped herself.

"I KNOW THAT, NIALL!" She screamed, and I looked at heril in shock. She hardly ever yells, so this was definitely new to me. "I know that. I know that you looked to your father and I for guidance on things, and I hate that love was one of them because we were never that happy, Niall. I was deeply in love with you father, but your father only loved me. There is a big difference between loving someone and being in love with someone." She said. I was quiet now, listening to what she had to say.

"If you think love is scary, Niall, being in love is scarier. But it is the most amazing thing ever." She said. "When you love someone, you want the best for them, you would do anything to make them happy, but when you are in love, it's like you can't breathe without that person. They are your everything, all you ever think about. Being apart from them hurt too much and the love seems to consume you. You would die for that person and give up anything to have them in your life. You feel the world stop in place when you hold them, when you see them, when you think of them. The slighest touch makes your head spin and your heart beat pick up at such an unhealthy pace. Kissing them like inhaling the air you need to live. Just being with them is enough to last you a lifetime. Being in love is the greatest thing ever, and I was in love with your father, I still am, but he only loved me. He was never in love. So now that you know the difference, you should think about it all Niall. Love is nothing compared to being in love." She said, voice breaking, and I knew she wanted to cry.

"Mum, I-" I was about to apologize for things, but she just shook her head and held her hand up to stop me from talking. I felt a bit bad now, but she didn't understand how I felt about Liam. Nobody could because they're my feelings, and nobody else can feel them.

"Excuse me. I'm going to bed. You should, too." She said before she turned and walked down the hall and to her room. I sighed and decided to just go to my room and lay down.

I walked down the hallway and stopped for a second by her bedroom door, hearing her barely audible sobs. I hated the constant tears and pain. I didn't want to hear it anymore, so I walked down the hall and went to my room.

"Great way to end the night." I muttered to myself as I undressed for bed. I laid down under the covers once I was in my boxers and just let all of my thoughts fumble around in my head.

The difference between love and being in love.

That topic kept seeming to come to mind again and again. But was there actually a difference? I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling as I thought it through. There was no doubt in my mind that I loved Liam. I loved him with everything I had, but was I in love with him?

I thought about the way he makes me feel, how just thinking of him right now was making me want to smile like a complete idiot. I thought of his beautiful face, the soft brown eyes that held so much care and fondness, his chocolate brown hair that was so soft to run my fingers through, his perfect pink lips that were a bit rough, but I loved kissing them so much. I thought about his caring personality, how even if people were enemies to him, he still cared about their well-being. How even another person's smallest probably was his first priority. How he taught me that being afraid of love was okay. I thought about how he never gave up on me even when I tried to ignore him twice before. He only fought harder and didn't give up. I thought about our moments at the waterfall, how he listened to how I felt, hanging onto every word and letting me know he was there. I thought about how he never tried to rush me for anything, he was patient. Love is patient.

My phone buzzed and I grabbed it from the nightstand, a smile immediately appearing on my face as I read the message on the screen.

Liam: Hope you have sweet dreams ! I love you xx

My heart felt like bursting at how adorable and affectionate he was all the time. I replied back with my own little goodnight and declaration of love before setting my phone back down and rolling back onto my back.

I knew that I was still smiling, my lips curling up into a smile, but I couldn't wipe it off of my face. I let out a small laugh as I realized, yes, I love Liam, but what made me feel like I could fly was the fact that I was also in love with him, too. It was scary, but it was so damn perfect.