A Crazy Thing Called Love (Harry Sytles Fanfic.)

16

"I don't know what else I have to do to show you that I'm not going anywhere."

Carmen

Airports have become the bane of my existence. My whole life has been one constant period of waiting until I have to come back to this dreaded place. It doesn't matter what city I'm in, only that they all have planes that take my Dad further away than I can comprehend for far too long each time. White floors and white walls and white airplanes and uncomfortable chairs make my stomach turn to knots, my heart heavy with sadness. My father is all I have, all I'll ever really have and he's never here.

I can't be angry, though. He's doing something honourable and he's risking his life for others and there's something to comfort me somewhere in there. I know he's not leaving because he doesn't love me, but that doesn't make it any easier. My entire life I've needed him, but he's always helping someone else. I was really angry with him when I was in high school, but I never told him that. He would just feel horrible and I could never do that to him.

"Dad, you'll try to call me more, right?" I ask, his arm around my shoulder with my head leant against his.

"I never stopped trying, Carmen. But I will. I'll call or text or write or email or something more often."

"It's just nice to know you're not dead or in prison or something." I try to joke, but my throat tightens and I have to close my eyes to keep from crying. He kisses the top of my head.

"You'd know if something happened to me," he says quietly. "You know that. No news is better than bad news."

"I hate waiting for it, though," I explain. "All the time, whenever I don't hear from you for a few weeks I stare at my phone waiting for you to call or for someone else to tell me you're not coming back."

He sighs. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I know you don't do it on purpose."

"That doesn't make it less shitty."

"Dad!" I laugh and look up at him. He always gets mad when I curse.

"It's an appropriate time to use it," he defends. I laugh and it quickly turns to tears, my chest tight and heavy. "I'll be back for Christmas, remember?"

I nod and try to smile, since I know if I talk more I'll just start bawling. The flight attendant calls for his flight back to his base in Texas and my whole body feels like ice. He looks at the gate and then back at me.

"That's me," he says quietly. I nod and we both stand, his arm still over my shoulder while we walk towards the plane entrance. He sets his bag down and hugs me tight and I feel like he's trying to hold me together.

"Be safe," I whisper shakily. "I love you."

"I love you too, angel. So so much." He kisses my head again and rubs my back. "Take care of yourself, don't skip school. Lots of leafy greens."

I laugh through my tears and shake my head as he lets me go. I need to get out of here before I break down completely. He never sees that and I won't let him. He needs me to be strong, and that's what I have to try to be.

"I had a stern talking with that Harry kid," he says.

"What? When?"

"Last night when you were in the bathroom." Harry came over for dinner and we all played cards until early this morning. It was really fun. "I told him that if he hurts you I'm going to bring a whole tank over here to blow him to bits."