The Air I Would kill to Breathe

CHAPTER 3 (The X Factor)

"What? Have you gone deaf, Jenna?" I asked in a louder voice.

"No, attorney." Her blonde hair is in a neat pony tail and the thing you will notice about her is that she has these dimples the associates love to see. This is one of the reasons why I think we should replace her. She's working in a place full of predators.

"Just tell him to go and please do ban him from entering my office." She went out and closed the door. Thank God she left because I hate tormenting her. I am not always wicked; I also have a good side. 

Few seconds later, the loud barge on my door startled me, causing me to spill the whiskey on the floor. This man just won't stop pissing the hell out of me. I don't know why he keeps on coming back. I looked at him really pissed.

"You wasted a good whiskey Ethan Jennings." I told him and I rang the cleaning lady to clean the mess.

"You won't take cases and just drink here in your fancy office, Atty. Park. Are you really a lawyer who pledged to be a pubic servant? Is that how you work?" He smirked while looking very mad. By the looks of him, he'd love to wring my lovely neck.

I cleared my throat and stood up reaching another glass on the cabinet. I poured some whiskey and began drinking again along with Jenna's horrible coffee.

"I have three cases Mr. Jennings and I didn't pledge anything for the public. I stated it's for the law and the common good of everyone in this country. I never said I'd do everything for their sake." I sat on my swivel chair and crossed my legs. I realized my hair is still a little dam and let down. I look like a child in this hair and also without my make up. Damn this guy.

"What a selfish woman you are. Make the cases four and I'll never question your integrity as a defense attorney." Then he sat on the brown leather couch crossing his legs as well.

"You have no shame, obviously. You are trespassing, Ethan Jennings. Make sure you close the door when you leave. I really have no intention on taking back her hopeless case. If she loves ballet, then she wouldn't have done that. Come on, be honest. What she did is obviously a case of being much of a drama queen." He remained seated. I saw his jaw clenched for the third time and I can see how much he resents me right now. I'm probably the last person on earth he wants to see.

"Jessica is just a human. All you see is the perfection she portrays on stage. She is something more. She has feelings and that's another reason why I'm doing everything I can to save her. That's... how much i love her." I felt lumps on my throat. I can't explain this feeling.

Since remaining calm is my expertise, he got no reaction from me at all. It's as if he expects me to do something. I did nothing and drank the remaining contents of the glass. I didn't even blink from the bitterness travelling down my throat. Maybe I got used to it or maybe whiskey just became a good substitute to water.

"You're an alcoholic." He said while looking really puzzled at me. I guess he's thinking how unreliable I am. Maybe he's disgusted to see me.

"Leave, Ethan Jennings. Leave before I call the police."

He stood up with his eyes still pierced at me.

I stood up, looking at him and the eyes. I tied my hair in a messy bun and walked to the door trying to open it but I can't open it. My head is aching from last night and I can't think of anything. I grabbed my phone and called Michael.

"Mike, please pick me up. I... Yes... I can't drive." The pressure I put on the knob is slowly fading.

I saw Ethan approaching me but I stepped back. I can't let him near me. When he's near I lose all my dignity. I can't lose the one thing I keep.

"Stay where you are." I told him while my eyes are slowly shutting down. I've never been tired and weak like this. Add the fact that I'm partially drunk then you can say I'm killing myself though I'm not. This is what I've been the past few years; alcoholic and unhealthy. I keep getting sick that's why I hate winter and my smoking habits don't stop. I tried to be healthy like eating greens and exercise, but I keep coming back to those habits I just can't break.

He shifted his gaze on feet. I'm not wearing my Christian Louboutin black pumps since my feet really hurts. I bought that for the red velvet signature at the back of the soles so I guess the comfort comes last.

"I can carry you to the sofa. You.-"

"Don't touch me. Just open this door and leave. Michael will come to pick me up." In one swift move, he carried me on his arms and gently placed me on the sofa. I smelled his favorite perfume, the one I smelled the first time I saw him in the Miller mansion and also the one he's wearing when he was here with his ballet dancer girlfriend. His smell is just like ecstasy. .

"I told you earlier to not touch me. What is wrong with you? You really have no shame. You're a disrespectful bastard." I told him and he just remained seated on the sofa beside me.

"I'm not a cold-blooded bastard who will leave you like this. I treat Jessica and my mom very well so I'm not going to disrespect you. I apologize for what I did last week." He said while placing his hand on my forehead.

"You have a slight fever." He said and I feel my insides grumbling because of that slight touch. He's driving me insane and now I don't know how to recover from this madness. I have this temptation inside to grab him and kiss immaculate neck made of perfection. That neck used to be mine alone, and now I can't even touch it.

"What is it with you that you don't follow what I say? I told you to leave and when I say it, you do it." I said. He looked at me and just walked to the door and left. Now that he's gone, I wanna see him. Though I really want him beside me, I can't. I can't devour into something not mine. He's no longer mine and that means I just have to bear the suffering.

...And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore.

=-=-=-=-=-=

40 degrees Celsius and I'm glad I'm still alive.

I saw Michael in his usual boxers while lying beside me. He's sleeping with his arms around me. He's not scared to get the cold.

I adjusted my head to the pillow and reached for my phone. It's 3 AM in the morning which means I slept for 10 whole hours. It's actually rare for me to sleep that long without sleeping pills or sex. I have a serious case of sleeping disorder and after a long time, I finally slept well.

I stood up and took my wool robe to sit in the couch facing the window.

The snow just won't stop falling.

I used to tell my sisters Christine and Annie that we should make sure to ski every winter season, then everything changed. I changed too much I'm not even sure they still recognize me. My sister Christine no longer visits me in my apartment and my sister Annie had my Christmas gift sent via courier.

I'm no longer sure if i changed for the best or maybe I made things more difficult.

I saw Michael moved and I'm telling you that his physical features alone are glorious. Aside from the fact that he's really good in sex, he's also a smart guy. He's a doctor at Milfields general hospital and people think we're just a match made in heaven, it's just that he's not my boyfriend and I'm not his girlfriend but we're more intimate than friends with benefits.

We go to fancy restaurants and watch movies. We hang out and we love going to the club. We're like buddies but intimate buddies? It's difficult to define, so stop asking me.

"You're awake, do you feel fine now?" He asked while his eyes are still shut.

"Sort of. Just go back to sleep, I'm just scrolling my feed." I said.

"Okay, but don't go to work tomorrow, okay?"

"Fine." I said and he just kissed my right cheek and pulled me back to bed.