"Charlotte, are you alright?" he asked, getting off of the couch to kneel in front of me. The anger had left his voice now- I guessed that he had cooled down or forgotten already. He was too easy on me. I didn't deserve it. I deserved to have him yell at me and say awful things that would make me cry because of all the awful things I said to him. I closed my eyes so he wouldn't see how glassy they were and turned the other way so I wouldn't have to look at him. This is the whole reason he thought that I needed help in the first place. If I could pretend to get better, he'd probably stop bringing it up. But I couldn't even pretend to get better when I kept having outbursts like this. "You're shaking. I'm sorry that I scared you. Come here." he cooed but I didn't budge. "You feel like you're doing this alone. I can tell. But you're not doing this on your own, Charlotte. I was there. I know what happened to you and I know that this is going to haunt you for the rest of your life, but I want this to get better for you." I sighed and rolled back over to face him. Tears were rolling down my face, but I didn't care in the moment. I hugged him and didn't want to let go. "We don't have to talk about this anymore today. Just think about it, ok?" he asked, rubbing my back. I nodded and hugged him tighter. I rested my head on his chest and gazed up at him.
"What made you want to get better?" I asked, wiping the rest of the stray tears off of my cheeks. He probably thought that I was looking for some inspiration, but I honestly just wanted to know more about him. He took a deep breath and and furrowed his brows as he got ready to answer.
"You did, of course. I had no desire to get better before you came around and you know that already- anyway. You know how I was before I met you. If I wanted to get better before you came along, then I would have, but there didn't seem to be a real point. But I wanted to be better for you. I want to be better for you, Charlotte. I want to be the best man I can possibly be because that's what you deserve." he explained. My eyes began to water again. I really hadn't thought about that before but it did make sense.
"I love you." I mumbled, quietly.
"And I, you. And thank God for that. This whole thing would be really awkward if my feelings were unrequited." he said, running his fingers through my hair. "Now," he started, letting go. "Let me help you on this homework." he picked my binder and stack of homework up off of the coffee table and set it in his lap while I curled up beside him. "Holy shit... How do they expect you to do all of this?"
"It's mostly makeup work for the week that I was out. You know...because of-"
"Oh... Yeah, I know... You know, they're damn lucky that I don't storm down there and wring their necks. When is this due by? You'd think that they could be a little bit more understanding of your situation! I don't know how the hell you're going to get this all turned in on time."
"Thanks for the encouragement." I laughed, but it was hardly lighthearted. I knew that I probably wasn't going to get this done in time and my grades would suffer for it. "It's due on Monday of next week. The thing is, I don't get to take a week off if I plan on getting into college. Brantley doesn't take a week of missing homework. You should see my grades right now from missing work. I have so many zeroes. I need to get this stuff in."
"Well, lucky for you, you have someone on your side that is all too familiar with Mrs. Boswell's math homework and I could give you a good essay for Hamlet all from memory. I hated that play, but I paid close attention to it. It was a great story, but poorly written. We'll get this bullshit done on time."
"You don't like Shakespeare?"
"He might have been a real lad, but he wrote more like a teenager of the time period rather than a grown man. Some of the puns he made lacked any humor at all. They were all corny."
"I see. Who knew you had such opinions on British literature."
"Well, I should considering I'm British."
"Have you had any more thoughts on visiting your mom?" I figured that now was as good as a time as ever to bring it up again. He hadn't mentioned it since I brought it up the first time. I didn't know if he had honestly forgotten or if he was avoiding it. Probably the latter. I couldn't understand why he was so scared to see her again in the first place. It's not like she was angry with him, but maybe he saw it differently than I did.
"Charlotte, my life has been really good lately and I just don't want to travel down that road again. I don't want to get myself into a really dark place that I can't get myself out of again. A place that only you can get me out of because that scares me. Being there scares me and I'd like to avoid it if at all possible."
"I love that your life has been going so well for you recently, but don't you think it'd be even better if you had better family ties again? You love your mom. I know you do. She misses you so much. I know you might hate me for telling you this, but someone has to say it. It's not healthy to ignore it, anyway. You're mom is so alone right now. She lost Gemma and now you're not giving her the time of day either. Don't make it be like it was before. Don't make her feel like she's lost both of her children. When your mom was at the hospital, she was so sad to see you so hurt but she was so beyond in love with the fact that you were still alive. She was so happy that she got to see you again. She was excited to meet me. She misses you. She told me that she misses you. You have to go see her, Harry. I'll go with you." I felt like I was begging, but I also felt like I had no choice. This was the right thing to do. Ignoring your problems just makes them worse in the long run. I couldn't leave his mom wondering what she had done wrong when Harry was just too afraid to go and see her again. He felt guilty for all the stupid shit he did when Gemma was sick, but he couldn't just go on forever without fixing it. Harry sat in silence for a moment, as if he was focusing on one of the math questions like I had with the TV, but I knew that he wasn't paying attention to calculus.
"I guess I'll go..." he said finally, biting the pencil that he was holding. "But you have to swear that you'll come with me and I will guilt trip you the entire time anyway. I really don't want to do this. And what ever this does to my mental health is your fault."
"You'll go!?" I shrieked, throwing my arms around his neck to hug him.
"If I knew it was going to make you so happy, I would have agreed ages ago."
"I'll call her and let her know that we're coming tomorrow." I grinned.
"How do you have her number?"
"We may or may not chat over the phone occasionally." I giggled as he raised his eyebrows.
"You know you've got loads to fix when your girlfriend talks to your mum more than you do."
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Authors note: I go back to school in two days. AKA I want to die. But I had band practice today and have it again tomorrow. AKA I REALLY want to die. Oh well... At least I'm writing again. Thank you SO much for 5.3K reads. It means the world and a half to me. The next chapter should be up tomorrow. I've written half of it but I have to get up early for band tomorrow, so I can't finish it now.
-Peyt xoxoxo
Chapter 29 ~Deal~
Start from the beginning
