I Am

j e s s i e

I am j e s s i e.

And the mirror does not agree with me today.

Not that it does any day, but today happens to be worse than usual.

The locker room is never a great place, but its definitely at its worst when I feel not-so-s k i n n y.

I'm not fat, I know that.

But sometimes I feel just a bit c h u b b y.

I know I'm not of course; that would be an i n s e c u r i t y and I don't have those.

I just sometimes feel a like I'm a bit larger than I should be.

"Oh stop it."

I turn to a n d r e a, who is looking at me with a tight lipped smile.

"Why are you squeezing your stomach like that? There isn't anything there," she says, as she starts to braid her brown hair.

Like she's one to talk, I see her do it all the time; trying to gather up fat that doesn't exist.

She denies it every time.

But she does it.

Just like I do.

She has no reason to, and I catch her more than she realizes. It frustrates me; I could drop a few pounds, but if she were to, she would be underweight. She probably already is.

Better underweight than c h u b b y like me.

As she does her hair, I notice a bandage on her wrist.

I gesture to it, desperate to change the subject.

"You alright?"

I think I see her eyes widen for a moment in her reflection, but the bright laughter I hear the next second tells me it must have been a trick of the light.

"I'm so c l u m s y," she giggles. "I was putting away the dishes, and I accidentally broke a plate, and when I was cleaning it up I cut myself. But don't tell my mom, I'm kinda hoping she doesn't notice."

"Your secrets safe with me," I smile.

But I have bigger things to focus on besides a n d r e a ' s c l u m s i n e s s.

My stomach being the biggest.