I Am

c a r t e r

I am c a r t e r.

I am stressed.

And I can't stop.

Why can't I stop?

It doesn't make sense.

I know what matters in life. And school is on that list, but going insane is not.

Its just one test. That's what I say as I shakily open my locker after lunch.

Its just one test.

I can feel my breathing getting faster.

Even if I fail, it won't change my average so much.

I can feel the tears behind my eyes.

I'm still smart.

I can feel my throat closing, invisible hands suffocating me.

What's the worst case scenario c a r t e r?

I know its fine, I know its good, I know I'll do well, I know its not important.

I know. I know. I know. I KNOW.

That doesn't mean it works.

"Dude , you okay?"

I spin around. I blink back the tears.

They're still there.

"Yeah, I'm cool. 'Sup b e n?"

"Hey, so I just heard that d a n i e l was teasing that hottie a n d r e a again, and she was just acting all hard to get. Man, is d a n i e l whipped or what?"

I can't think about this now! I have a test next period!

I can't scream that, so I say the one thing I did take away from b e n ' s words.

"Was j e s s i e there?"

"Duh, those two are like one person," b e n scoffs, "You should really ask her out already c a r t e r. You're even worse than d a n i e l."

As if I could ever talk to j e s s i e. I'm barely able to take one test, let alone speak to the girl I've liked since preschool.

The test.

"Are you sure you're okay bro?"

I grin at him, "Dude I'm fine; you gotta head to math. I'm not tutoring you again."

He just shrugs and walks away, leaving me to shakily calm myself down by my locker.

How can he not see how hard it is for me to keep it together?