Til Death Do us Part (Camren)

Chapter 7.5

"Lauren, you have spent years punishing yourself for something that was never your fault. What happened between us was my fault. I was the one that said 'no'. I was the one who got in the car. You did nothing wrong and I need you to stop punishing yourself because it's hurting me to watch."

"I said I wasn't going to wait for you... I would have waited. I should have told you that," I bury my face in her neck and she holds me in silence as sobs wrack through my body. After the sobs begin to slow I pick my head up and look at the face I had missed for the last four years, leaning in and hoping to feel the lips I'd missed as well.

"Laur," She puts a hand on my chest pushing me lightly so I'm sitting back on the sand. "What we had was real, Lauren. We both know it was, but we also know that I am not what you want anymore... and that's okay."

"What are you saying? Lex, I fucking proposed to you, don't you dare tell me what I do or don't want," I reply, confused and a little hurt.

"And I said no. Lauren, at the time I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life, but I now know that I didn't," I am confused as to where she is going with this, so I let her continue, "we were young, Laur."

"So what? We were best friends our whole lives. We fought for each other through four years of hell in college, just for you to turn me down."

"You're right... we were best friends for as long as I can remember. It was always Lauren and Lex, from before we could even dress ourselves," she says, looking back out at the water. "I think we had been there next to each other through our darkest times for so long that it was easier to picture the rest of our lives together than any alternative. It was all either of us ever knew." I turn to face the water, hugging my knees to my chest as I try to process what she is saying.

"Laur, we were all we ever knew, so we never looked anywhere else. I think it was easy for us to stay together because of that, but Laur... I have seen the way you look at her. It hurts me to know that you are still pushing any sort of feelings you may have, so far deep within yourself because of me." I shut my eyes at the gravity of her implications.

"What we had was beautiful, Laur, but it was all we ever knew. You looked at me and what did you see first?"

"I saw my best friend."

"See? You need someone that you can look at and see your everything, all at once. You need to let me go. You need to let the walls down around that big heart of yours and let her in."

"It isn't that easy," I mutter.

"That's where you're wrong. It is just that easy. Stop fighting, Laur. Give yourself a chance to feel again."

Alexa scoots closer, letting her head fall to my shoulder. We continue to sit in silence for I don't know how long, just gazing at the serenity around us. I realize how much I still miss my best friend, but I feel a calmness in me that has been missing for some time, now.

"Look," Alexa says, pointing toward our right. The sun is now steadily rising, painting the sky with beautiful oranges, pinks, and purples and slicing through the trees. We spend the next few minutes admiring the stillness around us.

"I've gotta go, Laur."

"Now?" I knew this was coming, but I had to ask. Things were going to be a little different from now on, and I just wanted to hold onto this moment, just a little longer.

I hear a noise in the woods behind us, but I am too preoccupied with what I know are the final moments with her. Alexa turns in the direction of the noise and I take the opportunity to memorize the features of my best friend.

"She's waiting for you." Alexa turns back to face me, with a genuine smile. I look back at her confused before she simply nods in the direction of the woods. I turn to see what the disturbance is and I am met with the softest pair of brown eyes I have ever seen.

"Camz..." I whisper. I'm not sure why my eyes feel a little damp because I can feel my lips curve into a smile. Camila stands where woods meet shore and the sun breaking through the trees casts her in the most beautiful light.

I turn back to Alexa to find she's no longer there. For the first time, I don't feel the hole from her absence. I get up from the sand and make my way to the girl in the woods. I finally reach her and she is looking down at her feet, lip caught between her teeth. I use my index finger to lift her chin and my breath catches when her eyes meet mine.

"Camz?" I breathe.

"Lauren."

I wake with a start at the sound of my alarm ripping me from sleep. I fumble for my phone in a panic to shut the noise off. I am breathing heavily and my chest feels tight, like it does right after a good cry. I reach a hand up and feel damp eyes as my dream rushes back to me all at once.

Holy shit.