Bruises and scars. (Teacher/student love story)

42. Bruises and Scars.

SATURDAY

April 9th

I woke up around nine and I laid there cuddled against Alex for a good twenty minutes before I realized just how wrong I felt and I disentangled myself from him.

It's amazing how in just a few short months you can go from being completely sure about someone, to well... in lack of better words, not so sure.

I left a quick note saying that last night was amazing, but I had to go take care of a few things and would see him later. Then I snuck out of the house.

While driving, I didn't know what to feel, I'm was just so confused about everything.

What I was going to do now that Alex was going into counseling.

Do I want to go into counseling?

Do I want to just break it off?

Am I mad at Holden for tearing down Alexs grades?

If he's tinkering with Alexs grades does that mean he's doing the same with mine?

Maybe I could just drive off into the sunset.. or just mid-morning I guess, and make a new life for myself.

I sigh, yeah like that would happen.

When I get to Holdens apartment I don't bother to make sure my makeup isn't smudged, or fix my hair, or try to flatten my wrinkled clothing.

I bound up the steps and let myself into the apartment, without knocking. Holden is sitting in the kitchen in only his boxers, he's bent over a newspaper and takes a deep sip of coffee.

I have another question; how am I supposed to tell Holden about last night?

I clear my throat and Holden jumps enough that his coffee spills across the floor.

"Jeezum, you scared me." He says putting a hand over his heart.

I shrug, "I figured when you jumped."

His eyes do a quick scan of me as he mops up the liquid, "I take it you spent the night with Alex?"

For the first time I become very aware of what my disgruntled appearance looks like, I brush knotted hair behind my ear, "We have to talk."

Holdens look becomes weary, "You're not leaving him are you?"

I look at my feet and shrug my shoulders completely helpless, "I don't know."

He sits down at the table staring at me, "What happened last night?"

I continue to stand and I swallow roughly, "I.." I trail off and he sighs.

"Please just tell me."

"I went there and he had made dinner for me, and really made such a beautiful set up, candles, music, flowers-" He cuts me off this time.

"I could do that for you Scarlete. You know I could."

Unable to hold myself I lean against the wall, and hug my elbows, "I know Holden."

"Then what's the problem?"

I look at my feet, "He told me that he signed up for counseling, something where we would both go in and talk about everything."

Holden puts his head into both his hands, "Please tell me you didn't agree."

"I didn't have a choice, Holden. What was I supposed to say?"

"That you love me."

My heart starts to hurt and I want to go to him so bad, but I know that once I touch him and he touches back I won't have any choice in anything.