This Isn't Love ➳ Camila/You

Chapter Fifteen

It'd been a month since Lauren returned and Y/N had become restless. She hadn't been able to spend much time with Camila, the couple seemed to be encased in their own little bubble. It boosted her anxiety over Camila's well-being and she could never push it to the back of her mind. Luckily for Y/N, today Lauren had gone into the city for one of her meetings - meaning she got one on one time with Camila.

"You live right next door and I feel like I haven't seen you in ages," Camila admitted. Y/N smiled, she was comforted Camila felt the same way.

The simple glances across the lawn or short conversations weren't enough for either of them. Y/N had intruded Camila's mind more than she'd like to admit. The three months she'd spent with her ex stirred up past feelings, and as Y/N greeted her with a hug, Camila indulged in the warmth of her embrace. Lauren had never made her feel as safe or comfortable as Y/N had. They held each other by the door until Y/N lead Camila into the upstairs hallway for privacy.

"How have you been?" Y/N questioned, her eyes searching Camila's intently. The brunette took a moment to think. She had been doing better. Lauren had kept her hands to herself, despite the occasional verbal lashing. Yet, Camila felt unhappy in her marriage but she'd decided to keep this to herself for the moment.

"I'm doing good."

Y/N breathed out in relief. She quickly scanned Camila for bruises but found none. However, she noticed Camila twisting the ring on her finger. A sign she was holding a thought back.

"Something on your mind?"

Camila stopped toying with the ring, she bit her lip anxiously. Throughout the month, she'd been rethinking her past relationship with Y/N. She'd been analyzing every argument, every memory she could recount.

"Why'd you reject the promise ring?" Camila asked the question she'd been dying to know the answer to. She knew Y/N had said it wasn't fair to keep her waiting or to continue to mistreat her but with the new information she'd learned about Y/N's family, she wondered if there were more factors behind it. Y/N dreaded the question, although, it was a long time coming.

"You're married!" Y/N tossed her hands in the air, "Why are we even talking about this?"

Camila's frustration crinkled her eyes, "Because you could've been in Lauren's place! I was so in love with you and you," she shoved Y/N into the nearest room, "You broke my heart!"

Y/N's hands shot up to cover her face. Her shoulders shook violently as tears poured out her eyes. She'd never meant to hurt Camila, she never wanted to end things, but it seemed like the only option at the time. Camila's words stung, there was never a night where Y/N didn't think about being in Lauren's place. For years, it'd been all she ever wanted.

"I'm so sorry, Camila." Y/N's words were muffled by her hands. Camila blinked owlishly, she'd never seen Y/N this upset. It physically hurt her. She guided Y/N to the bed. She was guilt-ridden, she'd never meant to make Y/N cry.

"I didn't want to be a burden..." Y/N wiped her eyes as she spoke, "I had so much baggage, with my parents, my brothers," Camila deserved an explanation, she couldn't avoid it any longer.

"I couldn't find time for our relationship. I could never give you enough, you deserved more." With Y/N's anxiety and constant arising issues, she didn't want to drag Camila into her mess. In comparison to Lauren, Y/N felt her best friend was a better fit.

"Lauren had everything," She had the money, time, and stability. Y/N had allowed her insecurities to push the love of her life away.

Camila shook her head. Through her years with Y/N and Lauren, she'd learned how different both girls were. Lauren lacked the one thing Y/N always had; warmth.

"You will always have a piece of my heart." Camila held Y/N's tear-stained cheeks in the palms of her hands. Y/N had been her first time, her first love, and her first heartbreak. She'd left an imprint in Camila's life. The world had fucked them over. If they'd opened up sooner, if they'd dug deeper, they could have been together.

"How's Laur treating you?" Y/N pulled Camila's hands into her own, shifting the topic. She was curious about Lauren's progress.

Camila glanced down momentarily, "She doesn't hit me anymore," A wary smiled surfaced on her lips, Y/N picked up on Camila holding something back.

"But?" She lifted Camila's chin, urging her to continue.

From the hallway, Harry overheard their voices. He walked up to his room door, peeking in through the frame. Y/N and Camila sat across from one another, he held his breath to spy on their conversation.

"I'm not happy, Y/N." Camila shrugged, "If Lauren's having a bad day she can't separate her emotions, I have to deal with her constant humiliation." Lauren's verbal abuse replaced the physical. Camila sighed, physical pain was temporary but Lauren's words were tormenting. She could feel herself crumbling and falling into her insecurities.

"I feel like I don't deserve love, she makes me feel so small, so worthless -"

Harry raked a hand through his hair. He couldn't hear Camila speak this way about herself. She'd brought light into his family's life. Her presence was powerful, she was valuable. He patiently waited for Y/N's response.

"I love you." Y/N interrupted Camila's rant. She exhaled roughly, feeling a weight lift itself from her shoulders. She couldn't allow Camila to feel like she didn't deserve love when all she did was give it. Camila froze in awe. Her heart skipped a beat at Y/N's confession.

"I've never stopped loving you. I kept pushing you to the back of my head, I keep trying to move on, and I know this is wrong - it's bad timing but Camila," Y/N pressed her forehead against Camila's, "I can't hear you say you're not worthy of love. But, I can't convince you. All I can do is be here while you work through this."

Y/N couldn't undo Lauren's abuse. She couldn't fix Camila. She couldn't rewind time.

But, she was going to help Camila heal and remind her of her self-worth every single day. Y/N was going to be Camila's support system until Camila could instill the belief in herself.

Harry heard a car in the distance. He turned away from the doorway and rushed towards the front of the house. When he caught sight of Lauren, he found himself willingly breaking his promise of non-violence.

"Y/N, I don't know what to say." Camila inhaled deeply, breathing out slowly as she tried to buy time to find the right words.

Y/N intervened, "Focus on your feelings, mine can wait."

Camila nodded firmly. Y/N was the last push in her decision. The conversation helped put everything in perspective.

"Thank you for everything." Camila placed a hand on top of Y/N's, "I've given Lauren enough chances. I'm ready to move on," Her confident smile faltered, "But I need time,"

She needed time to heal, to sort out her feelings. Rushing into a relationship with Y/N wouldn't be healthy for either of them.

"I'll give you all the time in the world."

The sound of doors opening and slamming interrupted their conversation. Furrowing her eyebrows, Y/N reached over to open the door. Just as her fingers grasped the knob, a pull from the outside swung it open. Niall's body almost crashed into hers.

"It's Harry!" The blue-eyed boy grasped his sister's wrist. Camila followed the siblings down the steps, their frantic stomps echoing through the halls. They pushed through the wooden door that lead them outside.

"You verbally abused Camila? You're fucking dead now!"