Speechless (Muke)

DAY 8:

"He just doesn't want to leave one of the patients," Calum told one lady as Luke shouted Michael's name. "It's nothing really, he's just a tad dramatic,"

Calum must have told this to the entire province before Ashton managed to shove Luke into the car and lock his door. Luke threw himself against the car door and pounded on the window. Calum slid into the driver's seat when seeing Ashton's shaking hands and the curly haired boy smiled for a second before slipping into the passenger's side, both boys buckling up.

"Luke, calm down," Calum instructed.

Luke didn't really calm down, but he stopped beating on the door and window and curled into himself his body shaking dangerously and fat tears rolling down his cheeks and splashing on him and the car seat. "I miss him," Luke cried. "I want to go back,"

Calum sighed and bit his lip to hold back his own tears as he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road. Ashton placed a hand on top of Calum's and held tight fighting back the tears as well. And no matter how much Luke begged Calum kept driving until they pulled into Liz's driveway.

"Luke, if we open your door you can't run," Ashton told him.

Luke nodded in agreeance. He wasn't fit enough to run away from Ashton and Calum and besides he'd get lost in a heartbeat, he was just directionally challenged like that. He could take you to the most random places without a second thought, but the places that were important like the hospital were impossible. Like navigating a maze blindfolded.

Ashton opened the door and Luke crawled out stumbling for a few seconds before Calum steadied him. "Come inside, Luke," Calum muttered.

Luke shrugged and Calum guided him inside Ashton a few feet behind just in case Luke did try to run after all.

"Luke? Oh baby you came home," Liz cried taking her son in her arms.

And Luke felt so much younger. He felt small and weak and he needed his mum's strength to keep himself whole, but Luke wasn't whole anymore. When they ripped him away from Michael they ripped him away from a part of himself. Luke was broken. So incredibly broken and only Michael could put him back together.

He let his mum hug him and realized only after she had let go that he had never hugged her back. "When do we leave tomorrow?" he asked.

"Ashton and Calum will take you back the second you wake up and eat something," Liz told him.

"Are you not coming?" Luke asked.

"I have to pay the bills, Luke, and I can't do that at the hospital. They can't keep bringing in supply teachers,"

Luke nodded, but he almost felt betrayed. It felt as if she was giving up on Michael already.

"Luke go take a shower and put on some clean clothes alright? We'll order Chinese food while you're gone," Ashton instructed.

Luke didn't bother nodding, instead turning and trudging up the stairs. He walked into his room and froze. It smelt like him and Michael twisted together in an odd sort of way, but he loved it. He took Michael's pillow and buried his face in it taking in deep breaths of the boys scent.

Luke finally put the pillow back when he felt the tears prickling at his eyes and he turned away blinking furiously. He grabbed a clean pair of jeans and boxers and paused before snatching up one of Michael's sweatshirts that he knew had sharpie on the sleeve. It still smelt like Michael and Luke headed to the bathroom knowing he couldn't keep the tears at bay for much longer.

Steam was already filling the bathroom before Luke had finished undressing and he wasn't sure if this was due to the temperature of it or the pace at which he took his clothes off.

When the hot water hit his skin Luke hissed and recoiled, but advanced again, moving himself under the water slowly. At first Luke's body was tense and his skin was burning, but soon enough his skin fell into a soothing numbing sensation and his muscles relaxed allowing the scorching water to undo the knots and relax the tight spots. And then Luke let himself cry. He wasn't sure what was his tears and what was the actual water, but he figured it didn't matter much anyway. He'd still end up clean.

He thought of Michael, alone and still stuck in a coma in the hospital room. Nothing but the beeping of his heart monitor keeping a soundtrack and no one but a few nurses or doctors popping in and out to keep him company.

Luke finally remembered what he was in the shower to do and half-heartedly cleaned his hair, lathering it with shampoo and rinsing it away almost angrily. And then he really let himself get angry. Angry sobs sounded and the tears were a mixture of his anger and despair. He rubbed his flesh raw clawing at it on occasion.

And the Luke broke down and sat in the shower letting the water beat down on him because he couldn't hold up the weight that was slowly suffocating him anymore.

There was a faint knock on the door that made Luke shut off the water and climb out of the shower wrapping a towel around his waist, but he made no other movements. He wondered exactly how many times Michael had been in here trying to avoid the mirror like he presently was. Wondered how many times Michael had watched himself bleed in the mirror.

Eventually Luke managed to move and slowly dried himself off before climbing into the clothes he had snatched for himself. He found himself surrounded by Michael's scent and he relished in it for the first time not minding the prickling of tears brought on by the onslaught of emotion that seemed to follow the boys scent.

He caught sight of himself as he left, but the image burned quickly into his mind. Pink skin with visible scratch marks, swollen eyes and blotchy cheeks, flat hair and dead eyes. Luke thought he looked unstable, insane even, and he wasn't sure if he wasn't or not.

"Hey," Calum greeted as Luke found himself wandering into the living room.

He was passed a plate loaded with the ordered Chinese and ushered to sit on the couch between Ashton and the arm rest. Luke was sure to leave plenty of space between Ashton and himself, resulting in him being pressed against the arm rest in a slightly uncomfortable way. For some odd reason Luke could not bear the thought of anyone but Michael touching him. It made him sick to his stomach and he knew he would most certainly puke if it happened.

He remembered cuddling with Michael on this exact couch, a mess of arms wrapped around bodies and noses tucked into necks. Luke recalls the sweet words exchanged on this couch and the declarations of love. He recalls the tears shed and the words that inflicted more pain than anyone should ever have to suffer through. But Luke refused to break down again, so he shoveled Chinese food into his mouth and tried to taste it, but it seemed to have no flavour, just as the world around him had seemed to dull in colour. Everything was just better with Michael, things were brighter and happier.

"Maybe it'll be easier for you to sleep," Calum noted after the silence had stretched for what he must have thought was too long.

Luke nodded in a silent agreement. He knew that he'd either sleep like a baby or be up all night sobbing. Or perhaps he would do both, sob until he slept and then wake again just to sob some more into an already damp pillow. Luke figured they were all extremely probable and he didn't truly cared which one occurred as long as he could spend the night in Michael's scent pretending he was holding the smaller but older boy in his arms.

"Here," Ashton said holding out Robert towards Luke. "I figured you'd want him,"

Luke nodded in earnest and took the plush bear placing it down carefully so he could finish the Chinese food he'd been given.

Perhaps sleeping with Robert would make things even easier to believe. At least now he truly had something to hold onto as he slept.

And then Liz told them the news. Luke's brothers Jack and Ben would be coming down for a few days to visit. The trip had been planned a while ago so Luke's brothers could meet the boy Luke wouldn't shut up about. When Michael attempted to commit it only seemed to drive the boys to come down more, knowing their younger brother needed all the support he could get.

It was only moments after that Luke found himself curled under the covers of his bed in only his boxers and Michael's sweater, with no recollection of how he got there. So he hugged Robert tighter and somehow managed to fall asleep with the tears streaking his soft cheeks.