Intellect

Japan (17)

Violetta

As days pass, so does Harry. He seems to be drawing himself from me, hiding a bit more, and I hate myself for caring. I feel as if it is past that stage for me, his claws are now so deep into my flesh that if he'd dare to pull out, it would surely kill me. I hate feeling this way... so dependent on someone. But it's like a drug. When I try to pull back the desire to feel alive again, even for those small moments are greater then anything. He's greater then anything. I'm just scared he doesn't feel the same way. Do you know how painful it is to feel this way? To give yourself to someone unwillingly, and no matter what you do, you know that they have all of you. Even if you want yourself back?

"Where'd you go?" He whispers, kissing his lips against my nose. This is our last day in Japan and we've spent the morning clung to each other in bed. In only a few hours we'll be at the airport and this summer will be over.

"Thinking." My lips are pressed against his chest and I feel his soft skin against mine as I speak. The t.v is on but we pay no mind to it. The window is open but the sounds of traffic are dulled. Nothing ever seems to enter my senses when I'm with him. I'm a bat flying through the day.

"About what?"

"Just about..."

Us.
If you care about me the way I do you?
How much I hate that you own me. My heart, my soul. And there is nothing I can do to take it back.

I couldn't say any of that again. For these past few days it feels like that's all I've been asking him. And maybe that's part of the problem. I don't trust. I simply can't. My sister trusted me and look where she is. My parents trusted each other and look where they are. If I could just lay here, on top of his tattooed chest in the heart of Japan with the TV playing and the dull sounds of traffic I would.. forever. But that's not the case. After today things will change. And my mind just can't stop reeling.

"Just about life." I kiss his side.

"And what about life?" His hands caress my bare back, causing goosebumps to appear all over my body, and making me scoot even closer against him.

"Do you believe in Murphy's law?" Ever since my sister had passed, I have been obsessed with it.

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

And that law seems to be a testament to my life. It's a saying I seems to circle around. School, parents, sister... School, parents, sister.

Bad. Worse. Dead.

And then there is Harry. A boy pulling me from quicksand, only to drown me in a sea. He consumes me, overwhelms me. And I don't know if he'll become just another part of my cirlce. Another proof to Murphy's law.

"I guess I do. But not in the way you think, Murphy's law." He says.

"But look at all the bad in the world. Look at war, racism, equality. There is so much bad Harry." Automatically my hands pull against his chest, wanting him closer to me. Almost to protect me from all the bad.

"None of that matters Violetta, because where this is bad, there is good. Where there is death there is life. I can't accept the fact that the Earth is just shit. Things happen, and there is evil, but there is good. So much good." He pulls me onto his lap. My skin is fiercely hot against his as he cups my cheeks.

"Do you know what the law of infinite probability is?" He says, smiling. And I just know he's going to say something that will make my heart swell.

I shake my head as I peer into his green eyes. I can't believe how green they are.

"It's a law that states if a monkey sits at type writer and hits the keys randomly, at some point, in a million, billion or maybe a trillion years he will write a Shakespeare play."