Lost Without Them (Ashton Irwin Story)

I'm sorry

(BIT OF A TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER AS THERE IS SELF HARM MENTIONED)

Storm's POV

I don't look up. Even though I know it's not my brother standing there, the person that is standing there is probably as protective as Michael is and I am not going risk them telling Michael.

"Well?" They ask. "Either of you going to answer or am I telling Michael?"

I take a deep breath, about to give them an answer, when Ashton speaks up before I can. "Don't tell Michael. I'll do anything, including having you monitor my every move, just don't tell him."

I look towards him, he looks so worried and I feel guilty - I should have done something, said something so it wouldn't be so awkward now.

"Paul." I get his attention on me. "Don't take it out on the boys, especially not Ashton. I was part of this and I should have done something... it was my fault so if anyone has to suffer consequences, give them to me." I plead.

He takes a deep breath, thinking over his next move. I look to Ashton and see how panicked he is looking right now; gently I grab his hand which get his attention.

"It will be alright" I mouth, to which he nods softly indicating he understood.

"Ashton, you can go. BUT. We will be talking about this more, both of you." We both nod, Ashton getting up quickly and scurrying off mumbling something about going to watch the one direction boys.

"Storm, I won't tell Michael but you know we will talk about this later. I will also being doing what you said; you said you would take responsibility so you will be taking the consequences." He warns, before motioning me forward, I follow the order quickly and quietly. "In the mean time, you're staying with me for the rest of the night."

I sigh, nodding. I can deal with this, besides it's not like I haven't spent time with Paul before so I don't see it as that bad a punishment but this is only temporary, I know there is more to come so I'm just glad right now.

As we walk along the corridor, we pass Calum, Luke and Michael on their way to the dressing room to drop of their dirty clothes in their bags.

"Hey, where are you going Storm?" Michael calls.

I tense and look towards Paul, since I'm following him he is the only one who knows where we're going. "We're going to watch the 1d boys from side stage, Ashton is already down there I think, so if you're coming then hurry up." He calls back, nudging me to move forward again as we start moving, at least I know where I'm going now.

The boys can be heard running down the corridor to put their stuff away but it doesn't look like Paul has any intentions on waiting for them. We reach side stage and I see Ashton, I look towards Paul who gives me a nod indicating I can go. I walk over to Ash; I know Paul is watching since I can literally feel his eyes on my back.

"How much trouble are we in?" Ash asks as I appear next to him.

I shoot him a look, "You...none. I, however, am not so lucky." I answer. "I saved your arse drummer boy." I joke, making him smile.

"Oh, I don't doubt it Stormy." He laughs. "You may be the one under surveillance but even I can feel the glare being shot at me right now." He grumbles, shifting nervously.

"Just ignore him, I am and that's probably what's pissing him right now." I answer, pushing him softly. "Man up, you're such a big baby." I tease.

He growls playfully and starts to try and tickle me. I escape his grip and run, already hearing him start to chase after me. I think quickly before running out on stage and jumping onto Liam's back. Luckily the boys were on one of the many question/chat sessions of their show so I wasn't interrupting much.

"Protect me; Ash is trying to get me." I shout.

I can feel him laugh and as I look over his shoulder from where he has turned towards the side of the stage, I can see Ashton walking over glaring at me playfully.

"What did you do Storm?" Zayn asks, laughing along with the other boys. The crowd seem to love this to as they laugh too.

Liam lifts his microphone so

I can be heard. "I may or may not have called him a big baby."

Suddenly I am plucked off Liam's back and being carried as whoever it is runs off with me. I look up and see Niall, who passes me off to a young crew member who also runs off with me around the back of the stage and back by Paul where I am placed gently and he runs off again. I look out on stage and see Ashton darting back from the other side looking around stage; I catch his attention before waving innocently as Michael slips his arm around my shoulder laughing.

Ash shakes his head, waving to the boys before running directly at me. I giggle as he grabs me, throwing me down onto a sofa, that just happened to be here so we could watch the show, and tickling me until I can barely talk. Once he deems I have had enough he gets up leaving me there and flops onto the floor, catching his breath.

"You're a little devil Storm." He says, panting to get his breath.

Once I get my breath I jump over him. "I know but you love it, you all do." I reply before heading to closer to the curtain to watch the guys finish their set.

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Once we return to the hotel, Paul makes sure we all go into our rooms, like always. Once everyone else has left, Paul decides that my room is the room we will hold our talk so that's where we go. We both sit on the end of my bed, Paul standing in front of us. Let the interrogation begin.

"Anything I should know about going on?" He asks

We both shake our heads but Ashton has more to say apparently. "I think it was kind of obvious how I feel about her and I guess in the moment I decided to throw caution to the wind and make a move. But I know it was wrong, and I am not throwing blame on her since it was both of our faults. I made the move and Storm could have stopped me but we both did it and we both accept consequences."

"I know you want to protect her because of how you feel about her and what you said is true, it is partly both your faults, but what happens next has already been decided so anything you say will have no effect." Paul explains.

Ashton sighs, looking nervously at me. I give him a tight lip smile, before turning my attention to my hands. I can't look at him knowing how much trouble I am causing by just being here.

'Been here barely 2 days and your already causing trouble, I wouldn't be surprised if he sent you home.'

I wince slightly at hearing the voice but I'm already thinking the same thing so I'm not surprised. I take a deep breath as I wait for the verdict.

"You can still hang around with each other but only supervised. I may trust you both that something won't happen but I know if Michel knew about this then the consequences would be a lot worse. I am saving you the black eye he would give you Ashton and mouthful he would give both of you. But you're still staying with me unless I say otherwise Storm, but only as an extra precaution." Paul finally says.

I look down sadly but nod agreeing to the terms that have been set out. Ashton puts his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer and kissing my head softly, trying to reassure me.

Once everything is cleared up, Paul takes Ashton to his room, both bidding me goodnight. Once they have left, I sit there for a while just letting everything set in and letting my thoughts take over for the first time in a while.

I take a deep breath, hauling myself up and moving quietly into the bathroom. I open the pack of razors I brought with me on tour, taking one out and breaking it open to get the blade. I take off the bracelets I usually wear, revealing my scars from a while ago.

I run the blade across my skin 4 times before letting them bleed out for a while. One for Paul, Two for Ashton and One for Michael, All representing how many times I have disappointed each of them. After a minute or so I carefully clean them, wrapping a bandage around my wrist carefully and putting my bracelets back on. I clean up quickly and hide the blade before heading to bed.

"I'm sorry Ashton." I whisper into the darkness before closing my eyes and letting myself sleep.