Speechless (Muke)

DAY 1:

He heard sniffles and looked to see Calum trying desperately not to cry. "He told me not to cry over him," Calum told look waving the paper around. "He told me 'I'm not nearly important enough for someone as joy-filled as you to cry over.' He just doesn't get it. He was important you know? Especially to you,"

Calum turned away from Luke and read his letter from Michael again.

'Calum,

You stupid not-Asian boy.

I will miss you, but I need you to understand that this is what I wanted. I could not live with myself and I need you to know you could not have done anything to change that. This is what I have always needed, it was inevitable and I'm sorry that I put you through it. You may have hated me at first, but you never did anything to hurt me and I can't say thank you enough. You befriended me despite what you may have thought and whether you knew it or not you really taught me some things. You taught me that it was okay to be a goof and mess up as much as you needed. You didn't judge me when you found out about my past and though I want to know why, I'm okay with not knowing. Because I won't pry or bug you for the answer. I want you to remember me as the Michael that liked words and walking and rain and Luke Hemmings. I want you to come to my funeral and make sure nobody says anything untrue. I want you to make sure they play the right music and that nobody I hate tries to say something. I want you to make sure they don't mourn my loss, but celebrate the person I was in my last few months of life. Make sure people don't get all dressed up to come either. I definitely wasn't that special. Wear your ripped skinny jeans and worn out converse and band t-shirts. Make it mandatory to dress-down. Be sad if you want to, but please don't cry over me. I'm not nearly important enough for someone as joy-filled as you to cry over. I will remember you and I hope you remember me too. I'll be causing chaos in the afterlife for you until you join me in 70 years. Please don't doubt that I cared about you. I just needed everything to stop. Please don't think of me as weak think of my suicide as me telling everyone to suck it, think of it as me telling God he can't fire me because I quit. Please don't remember me as a corpse. Remember me full of life like I was with, Luke. Remember me happy.

Yours sincerely,

Michael'

And he sighed. If Michael didn't want him to cry he would try his best.

Luke was just staring at his shoes now. He was so lost. He didn't know what to do or if there was even anything to do. The last time he was in a hospital was after the drunk driver accident, but then he knew everything was alright and that everything would be alright. This time nobody even knew if Michael would make it to the end of the hour. It was just one big waiting game and Luke really didn't want to play.

There wasn't really anything for the blonde boy to do. He felt small and insignificant in the hospital waiting room. The atmosphere around him wasn't helping much either. Liz was sobbing as she struggled to read the note Michael had left her. Calum was re-reading his again and still fighting back the tears for Michael. Ashton was frowning at his letter and Luke couldn't tell if he was reading it or not. Only two other people occupied the room. There was a woman who watched Luke carefully as if trying to place where she knew him from and her husband.

Neither seemed concerned and Luke wondered what they were here for.

"You, you were with that boy," the woman said suddenly standing up and moving towards Luke. "What was his name?" she muttered. She thought on it for a few seconds before answering herself. "Michael. His name was, Michael. You know him, right? My daughter, Lucy talked to him a few visits ago. She keeps asking to see him,"

Luke stared at her for a few seconds, obviously she and her husband hadn't been there for long. He tried to respond, but he was sobbing the minute he opened his mouth.