Ashton ⇝ Lashton ✓

chapter twenty

oops? I guess

-

After Ashton's full surgery, we were okay. For a while, at least. Michael had noticed we'd been drifting and I was being tugged in the bathroom of my house, as Calum was in my bedroom with Ash.

"What's up with you two?" Michael asked, pushing me to sit on the toilet lid.

I shrugged sadly, "I don't even know. We um had sex once he was okay down there." I gestured to my dick. "And then he didn't talk to me for a week."

"Maybe he was just scared about the sex like that you didn't like it or something." Michael suggested.

"But he knew I liked it." I frowned. "Like I'm pretty sure that when I orgasmed all over him it was pretty obvious."

Michael snorted out a laugh, "Wow. So you bottomed?" I nodded. "Was it good?"

"Yeah it was amazing. Personally I thought it was great but now that he ignored me, I don't know. What if he doesn't love me anymore?" I questioned Michael, "This is the boy I'm planning on marrying and spending my life with and having kids with, but I can't do that if he dumps me because he doesn't love me anymore."

I felt tears fall so I looked down at my lap as my hand reached to get a tissue. Michael bent down to me, tilting my head to look at him. "Luke, he loves you. I know it, you know it, Cal knows it. Hell, Obama knows it." Michael chuckled but I didn't smile. "Ashton is in love with you."

"But what if he loves me but he's not in love with me?" I asked, choking on my tears and sobbing. "I don't know what I did wrong. I'm nice aren't I? I buy him clothes and he's let me have his girl clothes and the sex is good and I'm hot, I am hot aren't I?" I choked out to Michael and he instantly nodded. "I'm a good boyfriend right?"

"Of course you are babe." Michael cooed hugging me. "I'm sure it's nothing and he just felt awkward after the sex."

"But why? It was fine afterwards and during. We napped after and then his mum came in and then he drove me home and we got McDonald's and we made out in his car and--where did I go wrong Mikey?"

Michael ran his hand through my hair, "Don't get worked up over it, okay? Talk to him first."

"O-Okay."

We left the bathroom after I washed my face. Michael wiped my face over and kissed my forehead before we went back to my room. Ashton was in my bed, Calum next to him. They didn't look up as I climbed under the covers beside Ashton, I wrapped an arm around him and he lay his head on my shoulder making me smile softly. I pressed a kiss to his cheek, whispering, "I love you so much."

Ashton hummed softly, mumbling "love you" back making me sigh softly.

After Michael and Cal left, Ashton was going to leave too but I caught his hand, pressing him to the wall in the hall way. "Ash talk to me."

He turned his head to the side so he didn't look at me. "Luke stop."

"What did I do? Do I need to try harder?" I asked, feeling my throat get tighter and I cried out softly. "Please Ash." I rested my forehead on his shoulder. "I want this to work. I want to be with you."

Ashton's hands went to my cheeks, pulling my face up. "You don't need to try harder, I'm just an idiot." He said softly making me cry again. "I love you I do Luke, but I don't think I can be with you like that forever. I-I'm not in love with you."

I sobbed out, before turning away and opening the front door. Ashton sighed and left, before I slammed the door behind me and slid down the door to the floor.

"Luke?" I sniffled, looking up to see my mum there. "What's wrong?"

"Ashton isn't in love with me." I sobbed out, "He just broke up with me. Technically, well he didn't say it but--"

Mum walked over to me and helped me stand up before dragging me in to the kitchen, past my dad and Jack in the living room. Mum made me sit at the table and she sat on the one beside me. "What did he say?"

"He said he loves me but he's not in love with me." I said quietly, wiping at my eyes. "He'd been ignoring me since last week when he healed and we were intimate and afterwards was fine but then he didn't call or text or reply to me for a week till today when he came round with Cal and Mike. He wouldn't even cuddle me while we watched TV and I'm just confused and I confronted him and he said he's--he's not in love with me like I am with him. I wanna be with him forever but he said he can't."

Mum hugged me tightly as I sobbed in to her shoulder, "Would he still wanna be with me if he was a girl still?" I asked softly. "What did I do?"

"Oh honey." Mum cooed, "Just because his gender changed didn't mean he would change his feelings for you. You can't force him to be in love with you." She ran her hand through my hair, down my cheek. "You'll find someone who will love you so much that they'll never want to be away from you." She said softly. "Okay?"

I nodded, "Thank you."

"You should go to sleep honey, rest up. You start college in a few days."

I nodded and went back up stairs. I climbed in to my bed, looking across my room to see a photo of me and Ashton. I closed my eyes and rolled over but I couldn't get rid of the itch, I had to get rid of the photo.

I got out of bed and went to my desk, taking down the photo and shoving it in to a drawer. I hid anything that had a photo of me and Ashton before I went to my wardrobe and took out the skirts I had been given by Ashton. I shoved them in my bin before taking off my jeans. I took off my panties and chucked them in the bin. I put on some boxers, before throwing out all my panties.

I climbed back in to bed and cried myself to sleep because the boy I was in love with didn't feel the same, after so long of being together.

I felt like I'd wasted my breath on him, and my money and my words and all my love.

-

aw aw baby