Ashton ⇝ Lashton ✓

chapter three

also the start is luke talking about himself and Ashley and how cute they are together

also a little bit triggering as self harm is mentioned

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Honestly I loved boobs. I really did. Ashley knew that but she also knew I liked boys too, I was bisexual. Calum had been the ice breaker when I snogged him at a party, and realised it was amazing. But I also liked the honey haired girl, who had only been my friend at the time. I fancied the hell out of her, I just couldn't tell her because I was a nervous wreck.

But she's ended up asking me to dance and we kissed and talked and she said she liked me too and I asked her to be my girlfriend and the rest of history. We'd been dating for ten months now.

When we'd first had sex it was on her seventeenth birthday and I'd lost my virginity to her, hers to me too. That was the only time she'd had her shirt off, and God she had the perfect body. Slightly curvy hips that I loved to grab at, she was just pure beauty.

Tonight we were at her house and her parents were out and at the moment my head was in between her legs and God, I loved this position. She tasted so good. She whimpered and I looked up at her face to see her face screw up, but it was in discomfort so I pulled away.

Ash looked at me, "Why'd you stop?" She asked.

"You weren't enjoying it." I said quietly. "What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing." She mumbled, "It was nice, you can carry on."

But I didn't believe her so I straddled her hips and I held her cheeks in my hands and kissed her nose. "What is wrong? Talk to me please."

She shook her head, "I'm fine." She said, "I promise."

"You're not fine, Mikey use to say that when he was cutting his wrists open to feel something. You aren't doing the same are you?" I asked sternly and Ashley instantly shook her head no.

"Of course not, I wouldn't, not after Mikey." She said and I furrowed my brows.

"Then what's wrong? You usually enjoy doing this with me and letting me eat you out. You love my tongue on you." I chuckled but she shook her head, her hands wrapping around my wrists and tugging but I kept them still. "Please I'm worried, talk to me babygirl."

"Don't call me that." She said quietly, her eyes tearful and a tear slipped and I kissed it away quickly.

"What?"

"Babygirl, I hate it." She said.

"You love it when I call you that." I said in confusion. "What's wrong? What did I do? You aren't breaking up with me are you?" I gulped, blinking back tears.

"Oh god no, Luke." She sat up and huffed me tightly. "Let me get dressed." She said and I got off her lap and sat down cross legged on her bed. I pulled her blanket up to my cheeks and it smelt like her, like perfume and that strawberry shampoo she always uses. I watched her get dressed from behind and when she took off her large shirt I noticed the thing around her chest.

"Ash? What's that?" I asked, "The thing around your body?"

Ash sighed and pulled on another shirt, one with Nirvana on, and some pyjama bottoms. They were a little big on her and she tied her hair up and got on the bed again, sitting across from me and bunching the covers under her chin.

"The thing I'm wearing is a binder." She said, "It makes me look flat chested." She said.

"I know you said you don't like your boobs because of the size but--"

"It's not just because of that, Luke." She said and I looked her in the eyes and she had tears collecting at her eyelids. "I don't like having boobs, I don't like having a vagina and as much as I like having you in between my legs it hurts to think about you there. I don't want you to see it. I hate my body Luke."

"What are you saying? Are you insecure or--"

"I'm transgender Luke." She dead panned and I gulped.

"Oh." I mumbled.

Then the pieces all came together. Not wanting to be fully naked during sex. The lack of girly things in her room, the stack of video games and how she wore boys boxers every day. I'd just thought she was a Tom boy if anything but I was wrong.

"Yeah. You can leave if you want now. I don't mind." She said and I shook my head, leaning forward and taking her hands in mine.

"No it's okay." I told her and she looked up at me through her lashes. "It's okay, I don't want to leave. Talk to me."

"I-I realised I didn't like being a girl when I was young and my parents know but I still wore my girl clothes at school so no one found it suspicious or anything. I just didn't like the fact I had boobs and a vagina. It doesn't feel right to me." I kissed her forehead and she looked up.

"What do--What do you parents call you?" I asked softly.

"Ashton, or Ash." She said quietly. "They say he and him as well."

"Do you want me to call you that?" I asked quietly and I waited until Ash gave me a hesitant nod. "Okay, baby."

"Do you still want to be my boyfriend?" Ash asked and I instantly nodded.

"Of course, you're still the same person to me. I love you Ash." I pressed my lips to his and he grinned.

"I love you too Luke." He whispered. "I was planning on getting my hair cut on Saturday, short I mean."

I nodded, "How short?" I asked. He held us his hand and showed me where, up to his ears. "Your hair will be curly too, how cute." I smiled.

"You think?" He asked and I nodded. "Thank you." He leapt forward and hugged me tightly. "I'm sorry you can't touch my boobs anymore, I don't like it, and I know your a boob guy."

"I can learn to be a bum kinda guy."

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Cuties