Rupture // h.s au

38. "No, Autumn,"

Autumn

My heart pounded against my chest, fighting against all that was roaming within me. I felt weaker than I ever had before, drained by the physical wounds, and the hole within, that continued to grow, fed by the rage and the confusion and the grief that I never allowed myself to feel, until now. The sobs were becoming unbearably overwhelming, I never stood a chance. I couldn't possibly hold any of it in, because it demanded to be handled and felt and suffered through.

" Wh- what? What do you mean?"

And it all came crashing down on me, as if Harry's kind voice had triggered something within me, something that I had been desperately trying to bury away, something that I was never meant to acknowledge, something that would bring my whole world crashing down, with no hope of ever rebuilding it.

" He- my mum was making dinner, and I- I was right there, I was helping. Liam was sleeping, she had just put him to bed, and I was supposed to be sleeping too. I was never meant to be awake, but I had begged her to let me help with dinner, and she told me that I could only stay up for twenty more minutes. The door was kicked in, and- people... soldiers... so many guns and yells and- she pushed me under the table, and I- I saw his boots, Harry. I saw him, but all those years, I thought it was them. My mind.. refused to think that he could do that to her, to me, and to Liam."

" No, Autumn, but just because he was there, doesn't mean he did it."

I could tell he wanted to protect me from what that meant. The weight of the truth was so heavy, so incredibly suffocating, and no matter how hard we both wanted it to be untrue, it wasn't. The truth was; my father had murdered my mother, and I had to live with the reality of that. My eyes had fallen shut, as images of that night, and every single day since then, replayed behind my eyelids, drowning me in sorrow, adding to the vividness of that newly found truth.

" He does things to me, Harry. He always had. And he- he messed with my head and made me forget. I know his techniques, I know h- how he tortures people. And my mind was already too weak to handle the truth, so I just- I shut it all out. But I've been seeing it, in my dreams, and it's coming back. Oh God, Harry, he- he kept calling her a traitor. He was so loud, so hateful, and he had her face in his hands, and he kept hitting her head against the wall. She-"

There was so much blood. Too many voices screaming. Bones breaking, hearts shattering, so many begs and pleas. And I was right there in the middle of it all, paralyzed by fear, constrained by helplessness. There was nothing I could do, nothing I could have done, to not end up with such an inhuman monster for a father, or a kind, innocent woman for a mother. I couldn't possibly have changed how things had turned out, which was too much for my mind to process, for my conscious to bear.

" Autumn, hey, shh," I opened my eyes, and there he was. I was no longer that terrified little girl. I was no longer at my old house. I was no longer watching my mother's murder unravel right in front of me. I was laying on his mother's bed, with each of his legs on either side of me, and his hands caressing my cheeks, and his face barely inches away from mine. My chest expanded, before it succumbed to the gasping sobs rocking through me. I couldn't remember the last time I had cried, but I didn't seem to be able to stop.

" Oh Autumn," His head was buried into my neck, and my own head was against his chest. A hand held my head to him, and the other soothed my back, and I only now realized that I had been fiercely trembling. I moved my uncooperative arms, circling them around his waist, and holding onto him, like my life depended on it. And perhaps it did.

" I'm so sorry. So sorry."

I held onto him closer, crying into him, taking in his scent, and the warmth of his breath, and the softness of his hair, and the firmness of his arms. It kept me sane. It kept me from fading into remains of the woman I was supposed to be.

There was a knock on the door, and neither of us dared acknowledge it, but it came again, and concern stormed within him for his camp, because he pulled away, holding my face in his hands, and delicately wiping away my resurfacing tears. He was so close, I thought he'd kiss me. But he looked down upon my lips, before meeting my eyes, and fully detaching himself from me. He sighed, running a hand through his hair, before opening the door.

" Sorry to disturb your sleep, love, but Rick gave me these extra medications, and I thought she'd need them. How is she doing?"

" We were awake, come in."

Harry's large figure moved away from the door, revealing his mother, and I almost found myself in a puddle of tears again. She was a constant, excruciating reminder of all that I had lost. All that I could and should have been, if it wasn't for how brutal that loss had been.

" Oh good morning, Autumn. How are you feeling today?" She questioned, approaching me, and laying the medications by the wooden chair. She then leaned in, brushing her lips against my forehead, much like my own mother used to do. It hurt so much, I thought I wouldn't be able to swallow away the scream of pure agony. She pulled away and smiled ever so brightly at me, awaiting my response.

" I'm alright. Thank you." I nodded, forcing my lips to curve into a small smile of their own.

" It's barely five in the morning, what are you two doing up?" She looked between Harry and I. He shrugged, as I silently laid myself back down, burying myself further beneath the blankets.

" Did you have another nightmare?" My eyes widened, as they fell upon her own concerned ones. She smiled sadly, patting my head.

" I slept here with you before, Autumn. I know what happens. It's okay."

" I- I'm sorry." My voice was surprisingly shaky, as it spread across the tight air surrounding us.

" Lets get some food in your system, and then take those meds, and see if you can get back to sleep, yeah?"

" Mrs. Styles, you don't have to-"

" Shh, it's Anne, baby girl. And I do have to, you're like the daughter that I never had. I could use some lady time away from all that testosterone on camp."

My eyes moved away from her towards Harry, who surprisingly was already gazing upon me, with noticeable sympathy, and a small, encouraging smile. I was struck with a wave of something I couldn't quite pinpoint but boy was it overwhelming. I had to look away. Soon, I was being fed by Anne, as Harry and her chatted about Raine's latest adventure. They laughed and they smiled and they joked and in that point in time, I felt like I belonged.

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A/N: THERE YOU HAVE IT, WAS IT WORTH YOUR WAIT? I sure hope so :)

Alright, I genuinely can't believe you got this story to 20k reads, I never in a million years thought any of my stories would get this many readers, so thank you, because this honestly motivates me to keep writing, and gives me all sorts of ideas, and just makes me happy, and I owe all of that to you, brilliant, people.

Let me know what you thought of this, and how you'd like it to go from here, any suggestions are much appreciated.

ilysfm x