Rupture // h.s au

37. "Oh my God, Harry."

Harry

It had been three days. Three days of her slipping in and out of consciousness. Three days of her waking up, screaming with nightmares, before slowly whimpering back to sleep. Three days of me sleeping by the ground beneath my mother's bed, not daring to hold her hand, but unable to distance myself any further. Three days of me barely leaving the room, unless for absolute necessities.

It had been absolutely torturous. I wanted her to wake up. I wanted to see her eyes, and make sure she could still remember me. I wanted her to be well again. I wanted to apologize, and beg, and plead for her forgiveness. I just wanted to make it better. Make her, better.

It was late at night, when I felt her stirring in her sleep. My eyes slowly opened, clinging to the last bit of sleepiness. She was whispering something, twisting and turning, although, any movement must have caused her great pain. I lifted the weight of my body, sitting up, to be able to take her in. Her bruised features were deformed in agony, in fear, her lips were parted, as pants went past them, a soft layer of sweat had formed against her skin. She looked distressed, and it broke my heart that I couldn't help her.

" Autumn," I whispered, rubbing circles onto her hands, that were trembling in mine. She didn't respond, shaking her head in denial of something that only existed within her.

" No, no, please. I need him. I- I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry," Silent tears cascaded past her shut eyelids, paining me, as I took her face into my hands, holding her to me.

" Wake up, Autumn. You're okay, just, wake up, come on." I urged her on, willing my voice to remain steady and calm, as to not trigger her nightmare any further. She gasped, sitting up too quickly for it not to hurt. Her frantic eyes searched the surroundings, before falling upon me. She stared at me as if contemplating whether I was real or not. It was the first time that her eyes had focused on me, seen me, not some thread of my being that haunted her mind. Her eyes were drowned in unshed tears, her chest heaving, as she continued to hold my gaze.

" You were having a bad dream. It's alright. You're alright."

" Harry," She gasped out my name, falling into a heave of sobs. I moved quickly, pulling her into my arms, allowing myself to really touch her, for the first time since her return. I had missed it. I had missed her. I thought I'd never get to do that again.

" I'm here. You're okay. It was just a dream. Everything is okay."

" Oh my God, Harry." She choked out. It felt like she couldn't quite differentiate between her dream, and her reality. She had lost all connections to her surroundings, and I just wanted her to come back. To me.

I rested my weight against her, laying her down, and holding her to me. Her figure was completely enveloped beneath my own, as I struggled to not rest my full weight on her, thinking of her stubborn injuries that didn't seem to heal. Her cries began to quiet down, her tears drying, falling less frequently now, as her breathing calmed.

I pulled away slightly, looking down upon her. Her eyes were closed, but they fluttered, indicating that she hadn't fallen asleep yet, although she didn't want to be awake. I sighed, laying by her side, but retrieving my hands away from her. I almost closed my eyes, wanting sleep to take me away, when I felt my hand being held by hers, fingers intertwining with her cold, trembling, ones. I tilted my head to the side, taking in her healing features. She slowly opened her eyes, squinting slightly, before she allowed them to hold my own.

" Hello there." I whispered, smiling weakly.

" Hey." She croaked, her voice sounding as drained as she must have been.

" You've been out for quite some time. Got me- us, a bit worried."

" How long?"

" Four days now."

" How did I get here?"

" Liam brought you. Mum helped patch you up."

" I know. I could feel her sometimes." She looked away, sighing, but her hands remained intact in my own.

" Yeah?"

" She'd speak to me. It kept my company. I could feel you too." I didn't know what to say to that. Maybe I never meant for her to hear my most intimate, desperate, guilty, midnight thoughts. Maybe I meant for her to hear more of them. I could never really tell, when it came to her.

" I'm sorry, Autumn. I don't.. I know it doesn't take any of it back, but I thought I was doing the right thing. I- I have a responsibility to those people, and I had to protect them. But I shouldn't have given you away. I should have protected you too, and I'm.. I'm so fucking sorry. So sorry, Autumn."

Her sad, bruised eyes fell onto my own, and I couldn't understand what they held. They were more discrete than I had remembered them to be. I could normally read people, but never really her. She continued to look between my eyes, her own eyes filled to the brim with tears.

" It's okay. It wasn't your fault. I had to go with him."

" Why?"

" Because I know what he's capable of. I couldn't let him do to Raine what he did to me.. or any of those other kids. People die all the time, Harry. People who mean something to someone. People whose loss could irreversibly destroy someone. People like my mum, and your dad. And I couldn't let that happen to any more innocent people. I couldn't let him do that again."

That sounded nothing like the Autumn that had come to our camp with the intention of killing me and everyone else that stood in her way. That sounded nothing like the Autumn we heard horrific stories about. That sounded nothing like the Autumn that had gone away with her father and his army. That was a new Autumn. A much more severely damaged Autumn. And I didn't know what to do with her.

" But he didn't do that, Autumn. You... you said that Chaotics murdered your mother."

" Oh God, Harry," A gasping sob rocked through her, as she attempted and failed to lift the weight of her body into a sitting position, " I... I saw things. All those dreams, what they did to me back there, I... I wish I didn't have to know that but- Chaotics didn't kill mum. My father did."

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A/N: wait for it.....