Phanfiction - Wonderboy

Part 18 - Messed up

Phil's POV

I walked into my room with the feeling of being dead. I had no feelings, like I was dead. So maybe I was. But why would it matter? At the moment, I saw no meaning in life. My room was just like I left it. Just like it's been for 3 weeks now. Messed up. I couldn't stand being in my room. Everywhere I went in there, I found something that belonged to Dan. CD's, DVD's, sometimes even clothes. I used to smell it like a freaking stalker, but it gave me the sense of comfort for a moment.

About a week ago I found a green blanket. We had been laying on it on the beach, when we went on a late night picnic. It was sultry and dark outside, and we were laying on the beach, while no one else were around. Dan had been looking up in the sky, looking at the stars, while I was doing the same thing.

"What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I had asked randomly.

"What I wanna be?" He had said and chuckled.

"I wanna be with you." he then said.

I smiled and snuggled closer in to him.

That was about a week ago I found the blanket, and cried myself to sleep with the memory in my head. I didn't want to think about Dan. It was definitely over now.

I couldn't bear finding another thing that belonged to him. Without thinking things through, I went into my little sister Nicole's room. It was white walls with pink bed covers, and her bed was filled up with teddy bears. Nicole herself was sitting on the floor and playing with her Barbie dolls. She turned around and smiled to me.

"Hi Phil." she said and turned around again.

I sat down next to her. She handed me a doll.

"Can you give Cindy her dress on, or else she'll get cold." she said.

I smiled.

"Yeah, we don't want that." I answered.

We were sitting there for a little while, dressing her dolls.

"Want to watch a movie?" she said.

"Sure." I said.

"You can go pick one." Nicole said and sat on her bed.

I went over to look at the DVD's she had. Almost everything was something from Disney. I chose a classic. The Lion King. I put the DVD in and sat down next to her. She put all her pillows up against the wall for us to lean up against.

"Mum says you've been acting strange lately." she suddenly says.

"Oh she has?" I said.

She nodded.

"But I don't think you have." she then said.

I chuckled. I was actually feeling quite well. More well than I'd been feeling for days. Maybe it was because I wasn't back in my room again, like I've been for the last 3 weeks now, alone. No judging, worrying looks from adults or students. Half way through the movie, my brother Kyle came in, with a confused look on his face, probably because he was wondering why I was in here, and not locked in my room.

"Uhm... Dinner's ready." he said.

I nodded, and he left the room again.

After dinner I went back to my room, and felt dead again. I sighed and sat on my bed.

"I can't keep going on like this." I said to myself.

Then out of nowhere I started cleaning up. I removed all my dirty clothes, picked up CD's and DVD's and put them back where they belonged, put all the books I've read back on my shelf and changed my bed covers. Finally when I was done, I opened my window and breathed in the fresh air. It was really nice to finally clean up the mess in my room. I think the mess in my room was just to much compared with the mess in my life.

The next day I walked downstairs, and asked my mum for money, to buy a new pair of jeans. She gladly gave me the money, plus a lot more to buy a new set of clothes, and get a haircut. And so I did. And I almost felt reborn.

Monday at school...

I was sitting at my desk, wearing my new outfit, looking quite good, if I should say so myself. Dan wasn't here yet, but I couldn't care less. He lied and cheated on me. Well, sort of. But it felt like he had. He did lie. And I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. I just had to move on now, even though it felt impossible. Suddenly someone covered my eyes with their hands. I could immediately tell it was Carrie.

"Guess who?" she said.

"Uhm... Mrs. Wilson?" I joked.

She removed her hands and stood in front of me.

"Seriously? Thank you Phil." she said.

I smiled to her. And then she gave me a huge hug.

"I've missed you!" she said.

"You too." I answered and hugged her back.

Then she stepped away from me and took a look at me.

"You look different." she said.

"Yeah, I got a haircut. And some new clothes. No big deal." I said.

"Yeah, I can see that. And you also seem happier." she said.

"Well, I am happier." I said with a fake smile on my lip.

Then came the worried look again.

"Oh my god. You're still as depressed and upset as you used to be!" she then said.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Phil, if you think buying new clothes and getting a haircut will change how you feel, you're wrong." she said.

"Carrie, drop it." I said.

"See! You're always telling me to drop it, when the only thing I want to do is help you, Phil." she said.

"Well what if I don't want your fucking help? What if I'm totally fine with you backing off me, it's starting to get real fucking annoying with all your questions! I don't need your pity! I don't even want this stupid friendship, you're just the only one who's stupid enough to talk to me! Now, back the fuck off!" I said, took my bag and ran out of the classroom.

I just knew that she was crying, but I didn't care. I ran around the corner and bumped into someone.

"Look out where you're going!" I snapped.

Then I realized it was Dan. No need to make a scene out of this. It could've been anyone. So I got up on my feet again.

"Clumsy idiot!" I said and continued running.